Monday, January 05, 2009

2009 Resolutions: Lymphatic Drainage

Well, Belated Happy New Year!

I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things around here. Somehow I managed to arrange nearly two full weeks off at the end of last year/beginning of this year. That time has allowed me to explore my inner blood thirsty warrior through rousing matches of Soul Calibur IV. I love impaling my colt’s wimpy game character with a vicious multi-pronged blade, twisting, and ripping out his innards while cackling with glee. Then, once he has been decimated the necessary three times to claim victory, I turn and yell at him in a deep, foreboding tone soooouul caliburrrr!!

I love humiliating the children. I sure hope he doesn’t disconnect my breathing machine one day while hissing maniacally ressss-pirrrator!!!

We have survived another holiday season. It went well. In fact, I would say this Christmas had approximately 70% less profanity than the last. There were two reasons for this:

1. No toys required assembly.
2. Francis Coppola Diamond Collection Merlot. And a rum chaser.

I have a few resolutions for 2009. And I believe a yearly “goals/resolutions post” is compulsory around these parts, ain’t it?

As the title suggests, a lymphatic drainage is at the top of my list. For Christmas, Mrs. Nitmos bought me an hour long visit to a wellness clinic. She (and the certificate) say it is intended to be used for a "sports massage." But the certificate clearly states that it could be exchanged for a different service of my choosing. Of course, they helpfully included a list of other services. And what does my wandering eye see? Lymphatic Drainage!

Oh, yeah, I have to have this done. I don’t even know what it is but I sure as hell want to say I’ve done it.

The pamphlet explains:
A massage technique used to improve the flow of lymph using light, rhythmic
strokes. Lymph glands act as part of the body's defense system against
infection. According to practitioners, by improving lymphatic circulation,
many health related complaints are corrected and the immune system is improved.

I’ve always been a big fan of rhythmic stroking of my lymph glands. Ask anyone. No comment as to whether it includes a happy ending though.

Besides the Mrs. Nitmos approved five knuckle shuffle on my lymphs, I have a few running goals as well.

1. Set another PR in the 5k. Can I go under 18 minutes? Not sure. But I can beat 18:30.
2. Run a half marathon. I still have not done this. I ran one official half marathon as part of the Goofy Challenge around this time last year but I took it easy (time = 1:39) and really viewed it as part of the two day challenge. I’d like to run a half under 1:30.
3. Run the Flying Pig Marathon for FUN. No time goal allowed (well, maybe one I’ll keep secret.)
4. Finally, run The Crim 10 miler this year. I’ve been trying to run this for three years now and something always comes up. (Time Goal = 65 minutes)

Non-running goals? I have a few:

1. Continue to look cool in my parachute pants.
2. Cultivate anger towards a different animal (can 2009 be llama-free?)
3. Consider opening a savings account for my kids college fund. Dismiss this idea. Buy myself (another) Hi-Def TV.
4. Reconcile with David Schwimmer. It’s time.

Happy New Year!
_________________________________

Congratulations to fellow Steers LDP member Tange who completed the Florida Marathon in something less than 3:12 (re: 3:14). Good for 2nd overall! Congratulations first loser! And, you’re right, I wouldn’t have mentioned this at all if you had gone under 3:12. But you would have won the race. ;)

27 comments:

Vanilla said...

FIRST!!!!

Vanilla said...

Ha ha! It's only your first post of the new year and I've already defiled your comments section. Happy New Year to me!

Vava said...

Happy 2009 and may all your glands be stroked rythmically as often as possible! The running goals, though very nice, ambitious, impressive, blah bla blah, are cool and all, but most definitely confined to the "first loser" category behind the lymphatic massage...

Marcy said...

Is this a legal place? I'm just sayin . . .

Al's CL Reviews said...

Hope your nodes get a good stroking.

aron said...

happy 2009!!! never ran a half marathon?!? thats the best distance :) i have a FUN marathon on my list too... cant wait!

Jess said...

Half marathons are totally the best distance! Pick a good one!

Kristina said...

I feel like your extensive lymph discussion requires a click-through for a comment, and yet I have nothing to say. Oh well. Happy New Year!

RazZDoodle said...

Well, you made me laugh, so there's a goal you can be proud of. I'm sure all else will pale in comparison.

X-Country2 said...

If the first question asked is a casual, "so, you in law enforcement?" you're in luck!

chia said...

The Crim should be a good time -- I keep hearing super cool things about it but never seem to care enough to meander over to your side of the state.

Happy New Year man! Keep rockin the hammer pants!

Chad Sayban said...

"I’ve always been a big fan of rhythmic stroking of my lymph glands."
-------
I'm not going there...

"2. Cultivate anger towards a different animal"
-------
Have you considered the Fossa? They are always good for a laugh.

Jess said...

If you need another game to humiliate your children with, I recommend Wii Boxing. I had a lot of fun kicking 6-year old butt over the holiday :). She'll learn to block her face one day I suppose.

tfh said...

Come on. Did you have to make every other wife out there look bad by telling us about the massage gift certificate from Mrs. N?

KimsRunning said...

If you lived in Florida you'd hate the armadillo. They dig funky holes in the front yard. My husband reminds me of Bill Murray in "Caddy Shack" when he sees them....haha!!!

Happy New Years!!

Viper said...

I'm predicting failure on all fronts! Go 2009!

Viv said...

Great resolutions, Nit. Especially the looking cool in parchutte pants, man I loved mine.

Happy belated New Year, best wishes for a healthy strong 2009!

just in case you have not don't forget to sign up for free running shoes on my blog. i want u in the running, oun intended.

Xenia said...

Lymphatic drainage massage, huh? Sounds like it'd leave you limp. Ha! Get it?

Yeah, I was reaching on that one.

Richard said...

I highly recommend giving blood, it's like an oil change for your body... Happy New Year to You, the Mrs.. and the little Nitmi (plural?)

theloosemoose said...

Does your "sports massage" include sweaty spooning?

Ms. V. said...

You had me at light, rhythmic
strokes.

Cracks me up the shiz they can market.

Melissa said...

You made resolutions?? God, you have so much energy....

Maybe lymph is my problem....

Coachhrd said...

C'mon step up to the half-marathon - you'll love it!

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

O, man, don't even get me started on the "lymphatic" system!

Too late.

Because there's this development at the end of my town, call's itself "Townsende" - not "Townsend". Has to make itself feel "classy" with that extra "e" so it can charge an extra $150,000 per unit.

What a jagoff of a community(e)!

That's how I feel about the "lymphatic" system's "y". It don't make you classier than any other body part, L.S.! The vowel "i" is good enough for my liver, good enough for BOTH my kidneys, good enough for my d*ck, for Jebus' sake (don't let my Victorian sensibilities fool you; that "*" is really an "i") ... but it's not good enough for Mr. Hoity-Toity Lymphatic System?

Pay for your own happy ending, L.S.! I'm not subsidizing your elitist, sybaritic ways!

Don't worry, Nitmos. I'm not judging you because you indulge your Lymphatic System's pseudo-aristocratic selfishness. I'm judging you because you celebrate beating six year-olds at violent video games.

Roisin said...

Instead of llamas, you might want to check out http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com for more furry creatures to whom you may direct your wrath

seejessrun said...

It's a bad idea to wait until Jan. 5th. Now you have 5 fewer days to reconcile with Schwimmer. Who knows if 360 days is long enough?

Marlene said...

Happy New Year!

Wow, you've never (really) run a half marathon? I love that distance.

It's hell compared to a 10-miler, but chocolate cake compared to 26.2.