Wednesday, January 07, 2009

When Pigs Fly

Wherein I return to the over indulgent use of the footnote…and other 2008 traditions.

When pigs fly
When a cow jumps over the moon
When monkeys fly out of my butt
When a llama is dipped into a pit of boiling acid after four hours of horrific torture*

These are all popular slogans used to express something that seems near impossible to occur. One of them is also the unofficial rally cry for the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati, Ohio. That’ll be lucky marathon #7 overall for me and my sixth on a completely new course. So far, I’ve only repeated Chicago.

I may have mentioned a long time ago that, when I first crossed that final mental hurdle to take the marathoning plunge, I wrote down a list of nine races I’d like to run. I had (and have) no intention of marathon Oprahing. In other words, I figured once I was in shape for one I’d knock out as many as I could, while it was still fun. I would not get in shape for one, fall back out of shape, get back in shape for another, etc. Too much work. Once I got in shape, I would roll through as many marathons as I could before retiring to my couch for a life of tank top undershirts, Cheese curls, and steadily growing man-breasts.

From that list of nine, the second marathon I jotted down was The Flying Pig (Chicago was first). By now, you’ve noted my penchant for sophomoric humor. Not to quibble but it’s probably more freshmanic even.** As soon as I saw that a race existed called The Flying Pig and, upon that race medal a pig with wings(!), I knew this was a race for me.

But this race will be different than the others. For the first time, I have every intention on running this marathon purely…for fun. This will be a brand new concept for me. While personally I’m often described as lazy, laid back, sullen, creepy, why-is-he-eating-that? and quick to anger – a type B personality – my running has always brought out the inner go-getter/type A in me.

My training runs are always very nearly at race pace.

I’ve always gone into a race attempting to set a new PR.

I’ve stepped on the back of other runners’ shoes because, you know, they had a real smarmy gait.


This will be a challenge. Running for PRs = Fun to me. I’ll need to remove the “for PRs” and change the equation to Running = Fun. I want to do it just this one time. You know, to see what it’s like. Will it be thrilling like the first time you rob an orphanage?

As usual, I ‘ve created my own training plan. It is very similar to my Detroit plan from October though, with this weather, I doubt I’ll be training at the same speeds and intensity. This Sunday, there will be 16 weeks until race day.

Training plan in place and activated. Game on.

Official Flying Pig Marathon training begins in 3 – 2 – 1…

So I will run Cincinnati’s Flying Pig this May. And its winged pig medal will bump the Boston Marathon medal to the side as my new favorite. I will rub its pig stamped curves…shower with it…buy it stuffed Velveteen rabbits just cuz…and, occasionally, surprise it with some morning French Toast.

That is, until someone invents a Clown Barf Marathon.

Happy trails.

* this one hasn’t caught on yet.#
** though I doubt it’s eighth graderic at all.
# I made it to January 7th before threatening a llama again. A new record!##
## Screw Schwimmer too!

25 comments:

Marcy said...

All my best races have been fo fun :-) Just think of how many people you can punch in the face while running now that you're not looking at time matters. I bet those water station volunteers would love a good Nitmos punch in the eye.

Vava said...

What is there in an orphanage that you would want to steal? Is gruel really that good or something?

Still, it does sound appealing, like dribbling a chinchilla with a tennis racquet...

Lily on the Road said...

May you be cursed with a thousand Llama armpit fleas whilst you merrily chase the illusive flying pig!!

Have a Great Race! LOL...

Lily on the Road said...

BTW, Vava, don't encourage Nitmos with the idea of dribbling a chinchilla...please...

LMAO

Chad Sayban said...

So if you are doing this one 'just for fun,' shouldn't you be using a race-suggestion or a sorta-racelike-concept rather than a race-plan. It seems to structured to be 'fun'.

Just saying...

nwgdc said...

I ran the Pig in '05 (i think) and it was one of my FAVORITE events...with the exception of SEVERE BONKING by running wayyy too many of the early hills too fast. Beware, little cows! This course is a cramp trap!

Kristina said...

I totally want a pig medal! But I can't do another marathon for a while so can I have your extra medal? From the pic, it looks like you get two, right? ;)

theloosemoose said...

I remain dubious. Can you REALLY just run this for fun? What will you do when some frail, little old woman sporting a "I heart llamas" tech shirt runs RIGHT past you like your feet fell off? Never mind - don't answer that.

Marlene said...

Cool medal! I think you should dress up like a pig - that would be fun.

aron said...

that race should be fun!! its the same day as my next one too... seems like there are going to be a lot of racers on may 3rd :)

Viv said...

I always thought that would be my ideal first marathon, I mean hellloooo...
I think it will be FUN! Afterall fun is in the eye of the beholder or is that beauty?

Vanilla said...

Wow. I threw a jab or two at Oprah today in my post too, I guess great minds really do think alike.

jen said...

I like the idea of doing marathons "for fun" but have no idea how to go about it- I look forward to seeing how it goes for you. I've heard really good things about the Flying Pig race!

Jess said...

So uhh, what do you plan on finding in an orphanage worth stealing?

Reluctant Runner said...

Run it for fun, sure, but you better be having the MOST fun of anyone out there, otherwise, what's the point?

tfh said...

For fun?

I remain a skeptic until you cross the finish line.

I sense a whisper of a type A runner murmuring: "I'm going to just have fun, but to my great surprise, I'm also going to PR because I'm so busy having fun and enjoying myself that I just go faster than I ever have before."

RunToFinish said...

This one is on my possible list..I haven't picked yet, but I've heard such great things about it. now i just need to purchase a new enhanced knee and i should be set.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

With a snap of her (presently chubby) finger, Oprah could arrange it so that, not only will you and Vanilla be dead, but it'll look as though you were ... doing stuff to each other when you met your (and each other's, if you get my drift) tragic end.

Note to Oprah: Whatever you do, don't use Nic for this. Sure, he talks a good killing game, but when it comes right down to it, where are the corpses?

Marathon Maritza said...

I nominate you as Race Director for the Clown Barf Marathon.

I would totally sign up for that shizz.

audgepodge said...

What a great plan! Flying pig sounds like a great marathon. And I agree with Maritza - maybe there needs to be a Clown Barf Marathon!

joyRuN said...

When Pigs Fly = when Nitmos will run a race for fun?

The probability of either isn't very high, last time I checked.

PS - I thought you were going to find another animal to malign?

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

WooooHoooo! Running for fun!!

Al's CL Reviews said...

Running a marathon for fun!? You are a tortured soul.

Scott said...

Sometimes running for fun = PR. Heck, you may nab one of your best times ever or a PR. Good plan.

Really cool medal...

sRod said...

Conceptually this has always been my favorite race. And I might run it this year!