I’ve run with dudes in pink tutus.
I’ve run with folks in Superman costumes.
I’ve heard about people running in the buff.
Hell, some people even run in gorilla costumes.
Now comes photographic evidence of the Hello Kitty Mystery Runner. You may remember this same runner as profiled previously in my landmark Garden Variety Hello Kittty N-pple Guard post.
It’s not me. First of all, Mrs. Nitmos is allergic to cats. Second of all, it’s Hello Kitty?! I’m more of a Wiggles guy (and, apparently, I’m the guy in the Blue Shirt.)
I’m not going to tell you how I came across this. I have my sources. I’m everywhere. I’m omniscient. I’m also like omnipotent since I’m a marathon photo messiah lately except I hold no actual power. So, I guess that would mean that I’m impotent.
You might notice that the mystery runner is flashing a two fingered Hang Loose style sign to the camera with his right hand. This could also be interpreted as bull or steer horns which might provide us some clue to the mystery.
I also notice that the head is missing. The head was also missing is the previous Kitty post (photo now removed, sorry) which leads me to believe that the runner wishes to remain anonymous. Or I have a so far undiagnosed decapitation fetish. Come to think of it, I have been leering at headless mall mannequins lately.* Gosh, I hope it’s not a decapitation fetish. I don’t have nearly enough room in my cellar crawl space to support that lifestyle.
Judging by this tiny photo, the mystery runner appears to be moving at about a 3:14-ish marathon pace and probably swift enough for about 2nd-ish overall at the Florida Marathon. Just estimating here. How do you think the other runners felt getting passed by a dude wearing a Hello Kitty shirt? If I could kibble with this just a little, I think the Hello Kitty should be on the back. That would have provided maximum humiliation to a passed runner.
But maybe that’s just me being catty.
This begs the question: At which point would you pack it in during a race? For me, I’ve made a promise to myself that if a person wearing a Hot Dog costume and pushing a stroller passes me, I’m giving up. I’m sitting down in the middle of the street and untying my shoes. I always carry a small vial of gas and a couple of matches in my pocket. I’ll light the shoes on fire and walk away. It’s all over.
Time to play golf.
Happy tee time.
* I originally heard the joke about a decap fetish after looking at mall mannequins from a stand up comedian whose name I cannot remember. If you are the comedian who owns this joke, it was very funny at the time. Please feel free to take credit in the comments. I'm sure you are a regular FMS reader.
In my last post, I casually referenced that I might not be posting for a month. I was joking but I received exactly one response indicating dissatisfaction. One. Nice. You think it’s easy to knit this sweater of comedy and knowledge for you people to wear every few days? It’s not like I’m just typing whatever pops into my head…well…er…anyhow, what I mean is, you are all ungrateful.
No long run on Sunday due to colt's birthday and snow covered roads/sidewalks. I'll be out for 8 miles tonight as make-up.