Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Nitmos, The Calf-Cramped Runner

Here’s more holiday cheer I hope you all choke on. My apologies to Robert May.

You know Bowerman, and Rodgers, and
Kelly, and Kastor,
Higdon, and Galloway, and
Radcliffe and Shorter
But do you recall
The most adequate runner of all?

Nitmos, the calf-cramped runner
Had a very decent pace
And if you ever saw him
You would say he’s running a good race

All of the other runners
Would laugh and call him names
They never let poor Nitmos
Join in any cramp free games

Then one muggy marathon eve
Beardsley came to say:
“Nitmos with your calf so tight
Won’t you pace my race next light

Then all the runners loved him
At the start of the race gun blast
Nitmos the calf-cramped runner
Your muscle knots are in the past!


Santa Beardsley (more PhotoShop magic for you all, Merry Christmas!)

Remember it’s holiday cheer week on Feet Meet Street. I’m still detoxing from my Britney level breakdown last week. I’ve taken 2 double espresso Gu packets each morning and cut back on the household chores (what’s less than none?)

Here I try to bring a little levity - some much needed sunshine - to this blog and what do I get? My last happy/joy post generated a number of comments asking why I didn’t physically assault Pluto. What is wrong with you people? He’s a lovable Disney character for chrissakes. And, yes, even I have a soft spot for a smiling, over sized dog. See if I share my sensitive side with you folks again.

Plus, a number of comments seemed to indicate that they expect my Running Nirvana is…countdown to descend into some sort of kitten stomping, llama raping, jail yard level pragian shankfest. I’ll have you know I had every intention of creating a thoughtful, soul searching list. More happy, happy/joy, joy. Since I hate to disappoint, now I’m spending my days searching for words that rhyme with diarrhea and vomit. Your fault, not mine.

And, yes Vanilla, there is a Disney llama character but I did not see him at the races. Lucky for him. I had my llama raping Asics on that day.

I have no excuse for the Fox News article link in the last post that a few of you have pointed out to me. It was sent to me. I used it. I have lashed myself. I will only consider sources from the Bigfoot Gazette and above going forward.

Happy trails.

27 comments:

Xenia said...

Aha! I'm not the only one with too much time on my hands...which leads to distorting Christmas songs in a twisted way.

Llama raping? Yikes! Put down the Gu, Nitmos.

RazZDoodle said...

It wouldn't be a FMS holiday without "Llama raping Asics" and your own Christmas song. Happy holidays.

Freak.

Viper said...

You are as talented as you are envied.

Jess said...

hahaha i am cracking up at your version of Rudolph

Roisin said...

People do seem to get bent out of shape about Fox News...but for some reason MSNBC is okay...curious.

Nice song...can we call you the Weird Al of the running/blogging world?

Kristina said...

Ok, I may be the last one to make this observation, but has anyone ever mentioned your resemblance to Beardsley? Are you his clone? Is the llama obsession the result of gene mutation during the cloning process?

RunToFinish said...

glad you are back to your cheery chipper self..or something like that

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

That song was so...

well...

ummmm...

anyway.

Melanie said...

lol. thanks, now the tune is stuck in my head :)

tfh said...

Very, very poignant lyrics.

Especially the part about "all the runners [loving] him."

Your desperate need for our approval and affection moves me.

X-Country2 said...

I don't even want to know how much time you invested in that song. Time well spent my friend!

Vanilla said...

I stand corrected on the disney llama character issue. Even I'm wrong once or twice a month. Nice work on the song, not so much with the photoshop skills.

jen said...

What a cheery tune! You are truly talented. And that photoshop is also... good.

Rhyme ideas: diarrhea/seniorita?
vomit: I've got to go defer to the childhood jingle about Comet.

Marcy said...

Yeah I'm with tfh on this. Since when did we all start to love you? ;-)

seejessrun said...

Eeesh Fox News? Glad I didn't bother clicking any links :)

Vava said...

If you ever do rape a llama you'd better document it with a video camera and post it here.

The Laminator said...

Nice tune, Nitmos...if only the part about all runners loving you were true...

Well, at least you'll got a llama's respect and admiration...

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

Hahahha! Funny lyrics change up.

KimsRunning said...

Hi Nitmos!
You continue to amuse me....LOL...thank you!!!! And Merry Holidays!!!!

AddictedToEndorphins said...

That was a pretty amazing song. I feel like you should've played yourself up more--more than 'adequate':)
lol

Can't wait for the next installment.

Blyfinn said...

That is the best photoShop image I have seen in the past 2 minutes. How much time did you spend on those lyrics? I still don't see why you didn't kick Pluto's @$$

Frayed Laces said...

Ha. Heartbreak aint got nothing on my daily runs on Diamondhead. While you are at the sidelines cradling your calves like a pathetic side of veal, I will be blazing by you. See you in Boston, fellow "runner"

Marathon Maritza said...

The happy happy/joy joy aspect of your post is a little negated when you tell us to choke on it, don't you think?

:P

Marci said...

LOL. Thanks for the laugh. Good ol Christmas carol, nitmos-style

Amy said...

What a shit eating Santa.

Eric Gervase said...

Awesome... The calf-cramping runner. I totally forgot about the Disney llama character. He totally should have been there.

Eric Gervase said...

Nitmos... Check out this Q&A about calf cramps from Runners World (was this your question?). Anyhow, one of the possibilities seems to be that your calf muscle has outgrown your calf. I figured that is an excuse you could get behind.

http://www.runnersworld.co.uk/news/article.asp?UAN=662