Monday, December 22, 2008

Happy Holidays...Seriously

I know you are expecting me to be your lump of coal in your holiday stocking but I’m not going to do it. I already covered coal in my last post. I think that imagery is probably still fresh (and steaming) in many of your minds.

Instead, I’m going to actually wish you all a heartfelt Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! For those that celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas! For those that celebrate other things, Merry (Your Holiday)mas!

It’s been a wonderful year here at Feet Meet Street. I’ve enjoyed every moment of it. I hope you’ve enjoyed the anger, sarcasm, snarkiness and downright meanness you find here. Every now and then, I like to throw you all a bone and suppress the nasty for a little friendly post about puppy dogs and butterflies. I’m like the running equivalent of a Reverse Incredible Hulk. But, instead, my rage is the predominant characteristic and kindness comes bursting through on sporadic occasions until I wake up in a field with tattered purple running shorts.

Don’t worry, I will be posting again between now and New Year’s as I’m sure you are all eager for my #1 Running Nirvana…moment. I can tell by the steadily decreasing comments in the series that you are all on the edge of your seat.

There will be changes to FMS next year. I haven’t finalized what form they may take quite yet. I’m trying to gauge the level of contempt I have for all of you. I might really expand the range of this blog to open up new readership for me to ridicule. Really, there’s no sense in maintaining a blog unless you can use it as a forum to bash others over the head. At least, that’s what I always say. Or, I might decide to post less frequently. In which case, my family will need to bear the brunt of my unventilated hostility. And the fewer posts will probably mean I go off the rails The Cannibal Run style more frequently when I do.

Whichever way I go, you’ll be near the last to know.

So, here’s wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I’ve laughed and, occasionally, plotted revenge at all of your increasingly childish comments. No matter how contemptuously you mock me, you won’t metaphorically sodomize my holiday spirit.

And if any of you thought that “sodomy” doesn’t belong in a heart felt Happy Holidays post, once again, you’re wrong. If there is anything I hope you learned through the year by visiting FMS, it’s that two seemingly unrelated things can appear unexpectedly and triumphantly in the same sentence without warning.

I’ve enjoyed specifically deriding a few of you in my posts during the year. Those that weren’t called out directly by name, rest assured, I was thinking terrible things about you. The more you comment, the greater chance you’ll appear in an upcoming post about what you can do with/where you can stick a used Christmas tree.

Thanks everyone for making 2008 the best year yet on Feet Meet Street!

Now, what can I cover in 2009???

Happy trails.
__________________________________

I hate snow.

5.0 miles
36:10 time
7:14 pace
7 frost bit fingers

37 comments:

rachaelsdaddy said...

Now I feel all warm and fuzzy in the middle. Maybe we should all sit (and spin) on our festivus pole.

Marci said...

Happy holiday, thanks for the laughs in 2008. Make sure you buy Mrs. Nitmos a good Christmas gift for putting up with you!

RazZDoodle said...

Every time you snark, an angel gets its wings.

Vanilla said...

Thanks for allowing me to use your comments section for my surplus of sarcasm and vitriol.

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

Have a wonderful holiday season...whatever crazed form that may take on.

tfh said...

"No matter how contemptuously you mock me, you won’t metaphorically sodomize my holiday spirit."

True, yet made somewhat hollow by the fact that I've already literally sodomized your holiday spirit. Twice. Merry Christmas!

X-Country2 said...

I love that you specified 7 frost bit fingers. So randomly appropriate.

seejessrun said...

You know, all weekend I was like "wow, I wonder what Nitmos' #1 running nirvana could be. Thank goodness I'll find out on Monday!"

But no. It's like you postponed Christmas.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

So a reverse Incredible Hulk would be what? The Entirely Believable Wimp? That's the worst DC Comics Superhero since TFH The Double Sodomizer.

Which brings me to another of MY hobby horses. The good people of Gomorrah ALSO engaged in acts of sexual deviance. (It's right there in the Bible, People!) But do THEY get any credit? Does even ONE state in the US have laws penalizing Gomorrah-y?

No.

They are truly the Rodney Dangerfield of the Sexual Deviance Community. What do YOU, Nitmos, pledge to do to reverse this appalling state of affairs in 2009?

Thank You.

(I am not, nor have I ever been, in the employ of the Gomorrah Chamber of Commerce/Tourist Board)

Marathon Me said...

Happy Holidays and best of luck at the Pig!

Xenia said...

Happy holidays to you and the Nitmos clan!

nwgdc said...

Nitmos a.k.a. "The Incredibly Believable Wimp"

I like it.

Have a great week, and go easy on the Colt and Philly if they slack off on their training schedules...it's cold out!

Jess said...

Thanks for all the laughs you provided this year! Looking forward to a great 2009!

Stuart said...

HO HO HO that's a festive LOL!

Have a good one...you decide what!

joyRuN said...

At the risk of comment sneer, happy holidays!

Re: Viper in need of a hug - that's like hugging a porcupine. I think he'd appreciate it more from you.

Marlene said...

It's been fun... looking forward to more of your sick humour in '09.

Merry Christmas!

Marathon Maritza said...

You crack me up, seriously. And how the hell do you run in that weather? I'm crying over 40 degrees!

Happy Holidays to you and your family and may 2009 be awesome!

KimsRunning said...

Merry Christmas Nitmos, to you and your family. Thanks for the humor! I'm looking forward to the new year!!!

AKA Alice said...

Fewer posts? OH NOOOOO...you have no idea how many times I re-read a post of yours just because it made me laugh out loud (then I make my husband read it too!)

Have a Merry Christmas NItmos...you and your family too!

(DYING to know what #1 will be)

Ms. V. said...

"metaphorically sodomize my holiday spirit."

I love me some Feet Meet Street.

Merry Christmas!!!!

Crabby McSlacker said...

Bringing sodomy to Christmas greetings, what an excellent idea! A great way to liven up those boring cards from elderly relatives. I think Hallmark should at least slip in a few naughty elves or something.

Meg said...

Merry Christmas!!

Blyfinn said...

What a scary image the phrase "sodomize my holiday spirit" gave me.

Cindy said...

i envy your sick sick mind. thanks for sharing it with all of us. happy holidays!

Frayed Laces said...

Darn. I was expecting bah humbugs from you!

Tyger Lily said...

Merry Christmas to the Nitmos clan!

Looking forward to a "Snarky" New Year!

Brianna said...

Can't wait to see what 2009 has in store for us . . . and your family! I'm sure they can handle a less-frequently-bloging Nitmos, but do they WANT to??

And at this point, I think I'm out-hating you on snow. 22 inches of the stuff here - sandwiched with ice. I haven't left the "safety" of our yard (except to propell myself and my small children down our street . . . stopping mere inches from the driving crazies on the cross-street who should have stayed home!) in 6 days (and counting). There's no outdoor running to be had here. Bah! It was fun for a few days, but now I'm developing a cranky streak.

Em said...

Merry Christmas Nitmos!

Vava said...

Nobody EVER suspects the Butterfly... He he he he he...

Merry and Happy to you!

audgepodge said...

Happy Holidays to you, too! Looking forward to more quirky and entertaining posts :)

theloosemoose said...

The suspense is killing me! What's #1, already?
(Whatever it is, I'm hoping for a sodomy connection, no matter how tenuous...Oh my, but that doesn't sound good.)

aham23 said...

you so know you made it when you can refer to you blog with initials. happy holidays FMS. later.

Lily on the Road said...

Merry Christmas to the Angel Mrs. Nitmos, filly and colt...

Nitmos, a very Merry Ho Ho to you too, thanks for all the great laughs in 2008...looking forward to reading more of your antics in 2009!!

chia said...

Merry Christmas to you east siders :-). Looking forward to another year of Nitmos greatness!

Sarah said...

I just never know what to expect - you're like the magic 8 ball of running blogs, but with a lot more words. Can't wait for the next year!

Steve Stenzel said...

Love those frost bit fingers...

Merry Christmas!!

Eric Gervase said...

Merry Christmas... Looking forward to another year of reader depreciating humor.