How was your Thanksgiving? Good. Mine? Wonderful. Now that the niceties are out of the way, let’s get down to business.
I’m looking for a few good inbred jokes. Why? The answer should be obvious. I’ll be podcasting with Vanilla over at Half-Fast again soon and I want to develop a deeper understanding of what makes him tick. And then ridicule that. And, no, the picture above is not RazZ and Vanilla (pending verification after their joint appearance at the Phoenix Rock and Roll marathon.)*
No doubt you’ve laughed yourself silly over the crazy antics from podcast #3 and are eager for more. I don’t blame you. Also, you’re probably thinking that everyone, except me of course, sounded weird live (on tape) and in person (in podcast). I thought the same too. I think my full collection of teeth changed the tone of my voice compared to the others. But, if truth be told, I must admit that I did sound a wee bit different than I thought I would. My inner dialogue sounds sexy, erudite, and chocked full of both insightful and witty world analysis. My outer dialogue? Well, the podcast revealed I’m quite a bit different than that. Instead, I sound way, waaay smart.** Professorial, really. Smart. As. Shit. I’m a regular Salvador Dali of wordsmithing with all the oddly juxtapositioned non sequiturs hanging over branches and descriptions of crude farm animals in a patchwork of disjointed images as if put together by a ransom seeker.
Damn, that was terrific self confirmation. My ego is so huge already I can barely walk through the aisles at work anymore. I called ahead and had them sand off any rough edges on the hall corners. I’d hate to round the bend and POP! ego juice all over everyone.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, inbreds. They are hilarious aren’t they? When I think inbred, I always think of that giant dude from The Goonies. They never said he was an inbred but you know…you just know.
We’ll be taping soon (unless my inbred joke directed at RazZ above just ended my involvement) and we need some good questions. For obvious reasons, I need an inbred joke or two to help define Vanilla’s personality for all of you. Consider this your call to arms. Leave me some good ones in the comments. I suspect a fair number of you are also inbreds – not making a judgment here – and would really have a personal and insightful story to tell.
I guess I should request some other topics as well. Forty five minutes on inbreds, no matter how fitting and hilarious, seems like an awfully long time. So, please provide some questions or topics you would like to see Vanilla, Amy, RazZ, myself, and whoever else joins discuss on the next podcast. The rules, however few, are as follows:
1) Don’t expect a serious answer to your question.
2) At your own peril, follow our advice.
3) Any references to “Potsy” from Happy Days or “Urkel” from Family Matters go right to the top of the list.
4) Specific questions on bowel movements, including but not limited to taste and texture, will only be answered if all other questions have been covered.
5) Any respondents open themselves up for swift and merciless criticism during the podcast with absolutely no recourse.
Yes, I fished you in with a promise of a serious inbred discussion but now you feel used don’t you? You’ve been Nitmosed. We need questions. Lots of them. And good ones.
And I promise to fight like hell to get Dueling Banjos played in the background whenever Vanilla speaks.
* I didn’t think it was appropriate to include Amy in an “inbred” discussion since, as far as I know, she’s never taken a potshot at me. Though I reserve the right to go back and amend this post if different facts come to light.
** And quite a bit sexier than I could have imagined.
Post note: My apologies to the state of West Virginia.
6.5 more miles of cold air asthma running. Someone must have shoved a bunch of cotton down my lungs. What a time killer! Ugh. Is winter over yet?