Thursday, December 18, 2008

#2 Running Nirvana Is...

Wherein I recount my running highlights for the year…as if any of you care.

Whose idea was this countdown anyway? This is getting tedious to come up with FIVE highlights. I don’t think I have five highlights in my entire life. I have one wife and two kids. That’s three (or two if you stack the kids to make one adult human). I did win a first place trophy in a 3 v. 3 basketball tourney once (but it was in Canada so I’m not sure it really counts. That’s like winning a curling trophy…in the U.S.) I should have just linked to each of these incidences that I’m posting about as they were already covered before. But, since I refuse to follow the First Rule of Holes, I’m going to continue digging.

#2 Chugga Chugga Choo Choo

When you are a baby, people sneakily feed you vegetables by simulating a train with a spoon approaching your mouth tunnel. It works. And is hilarious. I’d laugh so hard I’d giggle and giggle in that cute little baby way until I squirted out a little orangish brown surprise for mommy in my pants.

When I am an old dried up prune, my kids will return the favor and deliver my meds on a spoon with a chugga chugga choo choo open wiiiide while I giggle and leave a little Metamucil byproduct in my adult diaper. Though I doubt they’ll be able to pinch my ankles up in the air with one hand when it’s changin’ time like I could do with them. And I have no intentions on making it easy for them. In fact, I’ll train myself to make each bowel movement a Movement in Two Acts if you get my meaning.

In between these life stages, I find the train noises are still occurring. There might be some sort of psychiatric mumbo jumbo at work here but, I found, I concentrate pretty well on maintaining speed as I tire if I imagine myself a train rolling down the tracks. My breathing takes the form of coal delivery to the engine. Feed the engine. Roll the wheels. Off we go.

Usually, a training run doesn’t qualify for a highlight. But this is my list so you can just shut up about it if that is what you were thinking. This was a great training run. One of those once-in-a-Meat-Loaf-album kind of runs. I ran fast. I ran easy. Rarely did a murderous thought cross my frontal lobe. Thomas the Tank Engine was the wind beneath my wings.

I knocked out these 15 miles at a 6:54 pace and I really felt like I could go further at the same pace. It was a real confidence booster. I toyed with the idea of extending to 17 miles but my inner Sir Topham Hatt called me into the station.

I remember thinking that there was no way any of my other long runs would go as smoothly and, sure enough, they didn’t. I caught the tiger by the tail…the bull by the horns…the train in the station…that day. If there was ever a good time to light fire to myself and call it a running career, that was the time.

But I didn’t.

Instead I went inside and emptied my used coal deposits with a big ole relieved smile on my face and a kerplunk in the bowl.

Toot toot (grunt grunt).

Happy tracks.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

This was posted 18 hours ago and I'm the first to comment?

I'm not buying it.

What are you up to, Nitmos? Why did you lure me here alone?

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

I'm not sure if you counting down the biggest highlights or the most disturbing imagery - but both seem to be occuring none the less.

Nitmos said...

@ Gavin: I created this little ge yesterday but just pressed post today. I like to space out my posts for my spaced out readers. Plus, I'm on vacation today! Whopopee!!

Nitmos said...

And by "ge" I, of course, mean "gem".

Xenia said...

I think that last podcast affected you more than you realize.

And if you're on vacation, why are you here commenting?

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I knew, by "ge", you meant "gem". But what do you mean by "Whopopee"?

Vanilla said...

I'll never think of trains the same again.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. Was the highlight the 15-miler or the resulting toilet splash?

RazZDoodle said...

can you write a disclaimer:
"do not read during your lunch break" or "sickening visuals to come"

something for Godsakes.

joyRuN said...

Unparalleled, as usual.

And by the "@ Gavin", who's "Gavin"?

Stuart said...

I prefer the Fat Controller myself!

nwgdc said...

"I love your Bonneville. When did you turn 60?"

Hilarious. No. Really. Jerk.

Between the gold spoked tires and the sheer amount of sheet metal on the car, I'm either an old guy or a ghetto cruiser. You're much much much closer to 60 than me, so I guess that makes me a ghetto cruiser :)

MizFit said...

as a nonrunner (by your definition :)) I love your blog.

as a nonrunner I some days read your blog and think HOLY CRAP THAT MIGHT BE WHY IM ADDICTED TO THE IRON.

as a nonrunner I read your blog and am kind of jealous of the sweetsweet freedom that running seems to bring.

Happy holidays!

X-Country2 said...

That story had about 15% too much detail. (Nice pace though.)