21. Jokes.

Back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans…

Thanks to everyone for their kind words, thoughts, prayers, etc in the comments
section of the last post. I’m so glad I gave up real live friends for ones that exist only in the bytes and artificial synapses of my computer. When I get bored, I can log in and pretend I’m having a conversation. When you bore me (which happens often),
I can simply turn you off. What a great relationship. I highly recommend it. Plus, I don’t get punched in the eye nearly as often as I did with my human friends. Score one for nerddom!

As for my filly, she’s leveraged her seizure to the tune of 5 new Webkinz from various relatives. She’s worked us like the banking industry is working over Congress. It’s a gluttony of pop culture designed to distract and heal her sore body. You know we’ve gone overboard when the Eagle Webkinz purchased on Sunday is the “old” Webkinz by Tuesday, according to my daughter. (Insert mildly distasteful joke here) Heck, I’m thinking of having a seizure myself to let a plethora of new Asics rain down upon me. (End mildly offensive joke. That’s how we roll at F.M.S. You don’t come here for biscuits and honey after all.)

In final Mr. Serious tones, thanks again everyone for your concern. My filly is doing
great and, like this blog, is back to her regularly scheduled duality of lovableness
and attitude. Harvard is going to have its hands full come 2019.

In other news, I did manage another after work 21 miler. A few days late but I felt it was important to get it in as I only have one other 20 miler logged. Judging by my lingering hamstring and calf pain, I’m not sure it was the right choice. It’s done though and taper has begun!

To recap, I planned three 7 mile loops arriving back at my front door for some water, Gatorade, Roctane Gu, and – a new item – an Endurolyte salt tab. Anyone that has been with me here for awhile knows that recurring cramping as been an issue for me over the last few months. I’m not opposed to trying new things. If the salt tab doesn’t work, the next idea on my list is the replacement of my calve muscles with those stretchy bands that I love to…stretch. They seem really flexible and never cramp up. The next idea after that is to capture a leprechaun and force it to perform magic cramp healing spells on my body (they do that right?) and, also, serve me Lucky Charms as that seems like it would be a stereotypically hilarious thing for it to do.

As I mentioned, I wanted to pull back on pace a bit compared to my 20 miler two weeks ago. That was at a 7:09 pace. I was looking for a 7:20 – 7:25 pace for this run.

Miles 1-7: 7:13 pace and feeling good.
Miles 7-14: 7:24 pace and getting some complaints from the hamstrings.

After my second break with one more loop to go, I had some sensitivity in the hamstrings and the legs were a bit sluggish. Miles 13 and 14 were in the 7:42 range which I did not appreciate. I wouldn’t even look at Garmin for several minutes. I will not be mocked by my own GPS watch.

I regrouped and took off for the last loop determined to stay under a 7:30 pace. I wasn’t feeling it today so it was Hold On One Mile At A Time mentality. Miles 15 and 16 were back in the 7:15 range.

Mile 17 crept up to 7:40 range as the calves started twitching and my desire to become a crackhead returned.

Mile 18 and 19 were in the 8:30 range as someone secretly encased both of my feet in cement when I must have been busy reading Garmin the riot act. The calves were poking out of the skin every 20 seconds or so to see if now would be a good time to cramp up.

Miles 20 and 21 were what I called a “controlled stagger” in the 9:30 range.

The cramps threatened…snarled…bared teeth, claws, and yellow eyes. Whenever I attempted to speed up – TWITCH – ahahahaha, got ya’, sucker! Enjoy 9:30 pace because we ain’t going any faster.

Post run, I wallowed in my stank for awhile then drove up to the pizza place for a large pepperoni pizza. Wisely, I sat on a towel so as not to saturate my seat with runner sweat. Unwisely, I forgot to take the towel into the house upon return. You can imagine the odor wafting out of the car door the next day. If you think it smelled something like you imagine Vanilla smells like, you’d be right. (Feel free to speculate on the source of Vanilla’s odor in the comments. Is it rotted animal? Clown vomit? A combination of both?)

The last BIG long run didn’t exactly go as planned but, still, taper, baby!

Miles 15-21: 8:21 pace and partial hallucination including, but not limited to, the desire to pull off and nurse the syrupy goodness from a passing tree.

I’ll chalk it up to a busy, stressful weekend and poor nutrition and move on.

21.0 miles
2:40:56 time
7:40 mile/pace

Being in the 35-39 age bracket, my BQ line is at a 7:28 pace and this would not have gotten it done. Boo cramping, booooo!

After consuming pizza, I rolled my sleeping daughter off the couch and onto the floor with a big THUNK. Spinal taps, CT scan, MRI, EEG, and multiple needle torture? Excuse me? Ever run 21 miles?

Get off the couch.

Happy trails.
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I have been absent in ridiculing, er, commenting on everyone's training plans. I will make the rounds in the days ahead. Rest assured I will be keeping a keen eye out for spelling, grammar, footnote usage and comparison's to mythological creatures (big bonus points for anyone who works in a Centaur.)