Thursday, October 16, 2008

Over The Bridge and Through The Tunnel...

...to the Detroit finish line we go!

I won’t further defile Lydia Maria Child’s song by contorting it beyond recognition. At least, not until the end of this post. See her much more enjoyable version here.

Three days until the Detroit Marathon and my whitehead is coning up nicely. This sucker should be fun to pop. I can feel the pressure behind it…the flesh circling it is a nice deep shade of red. Like a sunburn. Oh, yes, this is a gusher. On a completely separate note, has anyone ever popped someone else’s back whitehead with their teeth? I’ve always wondered that.

I’ve been blog MIA the last few days. My employer continues their stubborn insistence on “deadlines” and “non marathon related work”. Like, dude, chill out. Have a seat…pass the dutchie on the left hand side* man…

I’m looking forward to this marathon. Michigan is my home state. Detroit is the queen city of this state. Sure, the Queen might be a little elderly, loaded up with shingles, dementia, and wearing a cubic zirconium crown but, still, she’s the Queen. The coolest aspect of this race is that it progresses into Windsor, Ontario across the Ambassador Bridge after mile 3. We spend 4 lovely miles along the Canadian waterfront. I guess this would be the time to blow out a knee and enjoy deductible free health care.** And then returning to the U.S. after mile marker 8 in the underwater tunnel. In fact, this mile long tunnel provides you a certificate with your timed “Underwater Mile”. Okay, that’s kinda cool, but I fear it’ll just goad me into unwisely speeding up at mile 9 just so my certificate can record a pretty number.

Also, I don’t think Garmin is going to like being in a tunnel. Under water. For a mile. I’m sure there will be some frantic resetting going on after emerging back on the U.S. side.

After the bridge/tunnel double international border crossing, we are treated to the sights, sounds, smells of greater Detroit. Now, this might be a chance for a less sympathetic blogger to make a bunch of cheap jokes at Detroit’s expense. Fortunately, I’m often referred to as one the least sympathetic person anyone knows. So, let’s proceed:

There have been reports of shoe jackings in this marathon. Poor unfortunate runners left standing shoeless up on cement blocks on the side of the road. Sad really.

And the biggest threat to the race is the caravan of folks fleeing to live in the suburbs. Hopefully, we’ll get a break in the wagon train to pass the marathon through.

This might be the only marathon going where you need The Club for your Gu pocket.

I kid, I kid. Actually, Detroit has taken a lot of lumps over the years from the press, lingering public perception, recent mayoral scandals, and unsympathetic jerk bloggers. The Queen is bloodied and staggered but trying to rise from the canvas. Give her a break, people, there’s a lot of good folks and good things happening downtown. We Michiganders *** like to think she’s on the rebound.

This taper has been fantastic as far as tapers go. I’ve rested. I’ve tuned up with a few fast miles on some shorter runs. I’ve become increasingly agitated. I’ve fantasized about my post race spooning celebration with Mrs. Nitmos. I ran over the neighbor cat with the lawn mower. Yes, everything a taper should be, this one has been.

Let’s get it on!

Over the bridge and through the tunnel
Now the finish line I spy!
Hurrah for the fun! Is the race done?
Hurrah, I feel like I’m going to die!


Happy trails.

* Is there anything sweeter than a bunch of children singing about drug abuse?
** I’m not making any political statements here. Just an observation for the sake of humor. Save your commentary.
*** Yes, we really call ourselves that. Or Michiganians. The debate rages.

34 comments:

Xenia said...

I really, really could have done without the popping-a-whitehead-with-teeth image.

Good luck, Nitmos!!! Kick ass, pop that blasted pimple and enjoy your spooning (sorry Mrs Nitmos). I'll be thinking positive PR thoughts for you on Sunday.

*aron* said...

GOOD LUCK Nitmos!!! i know you are going to rock this race!! i will yell a few "go nitmos" cheers on sunday when i am cheering at nike... maybe you will be able to hear them in detroit :)

Wendy said...

Ok the tooth whitehead thing literally left me gagging. Right before lunch too - perfect timing!

Good luck this weekend! I was wondering about the Garmin in the tunnel too. I hope it doesn't throw it off!

Marcy said...

OMG DUUUUDDDEEE!! I think I just puked a little in my mouth.

You're going to kick ass!! Just remember that voodoo amulet, k? ;-) Go get em my friend! And punch out a couple runners (or spectators) while you're at it.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Good luck, Nitmos. When you cross over into Canada, don't you pass over the International Dateline? This will improve your marathon time by a full day!

Unless Phileas Fogg was ... lying!

That b@st@rd!

I stand by my earlier statement that it is just arbitrary of you to withhold the race report till after the race. What gives? You got a whole extra day to play with, now!

Best of luck, man.

Cindy said...

do you need to declare your gu packets when you run into canada?
Have a great race!!

nwgdc said...

I have heard the Queen city loves their big rims. The rims are located directly above the part of the car that contacts the road. What is my point, you ask? Well, you calves are located directly above the part of your body that contacts the road. This means one of two things:
1. Your calves will be adored throughout the run and carry you, cramp free, to a major PR.
2. Your calves will be stolen, in which case they will not be bothering you when they decide to cramp. PR!!!

Good luck! Can't wait to read about it!

Laura said...

Good luck, Nitmos!

SJ Goody said...

Uh boy. The teeth comment lost me. In any case, have fun - good luck!!!

Danielle in Iowa said...

I guess the only thing creepier than kids singing about drugs is kids singing about The Plague (ala Ring Around the Rosey).

And all the advice I can give you is to trust in The Garmin. Even my craptacular Garmin 101 spent two miles under a highway underpass at the Great Aloha Run and emerged, found a signal and was pretty much right on distance wise. Of course you should watch that Garmin doesn't automatically start reporting your pace in min/km when you cross the border, lest you think you are running too fast.

S said...

So grossed out from imagining someone pop a whitehead in their mouth. But good luck this weekend!

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

Having a spouse pop a zit with their teeth is just wrong... you pay other people for that. ;-)

Good luck. Just don't come back after mile 9 ending every sentence with 'ay'.

audgepodge said...

Good luck at the Detroit marathon! And I'm a Wolverine, and I'm pretty sure Michigander is the more popular name, right? I don't think I could even say the other version. At least not quickly

Vanilla said...

If you have the auto pause feature turned on don't forget to turn it off as it will pause in the tunnel and give you a time that is off by several minutes.

Also, I loved the pass the dutchie reference. I'm off to go watch the video on youtube and get it stuck in my head.

Best of luck on Sunday.

Topher said...

Good luck! You actually make that race sound very cool. Maybe I'll have to look into it...someday.

seejessrun said...

Good luck. I'll be doing an easy little 10K that morning. But that's just...20 miles less, right?

Big said...

enjoy Detroit and make sure to declare your Casino winnings at the border.

Marlene said...

Enjoy your stay here in Ontario. :D

Kinda cool that the marathon takes you across an international border... that underwater tunnel scares me, but the certificate will be cool.

Have a great race!!!

Meg said...

Good luck! We'll have to hope Detroit looks better in the morning than it does at night.

Jessica said...

Nitmos, you make me laugh with every post! Congrats on a great blog. You and some others inspired me to start my own. If you get a chance, check it out at

www-sole-mama.blogspot.com

Good luck with the marathon!

tfh said...

I'm sure if I did some internet research I could find someone popping another person's backzit with his/her teeth. Unfortunately I'm at work and that kind of searching tends to upset the higher-ups.

It sounds like a great race. Release that pus all over the aging queen!

Ms. V. said...

I think of you like that commercial where the guy is standing there...his secretary says "1-4 texting, 2pm emailing, 4 oclock meeting." She says "I can reschedule the meeting."

All things non marathon was hilariuos.

I just hurked up my lunch. Thanks for the whitehead reference.

Good luck this weekend!

thebets said...

Ah, that would be a definite no on the whitehead question. Have a great race this weekend! Can't wait to read about how it turns out...

chia said...

NITMOS... YOU'RE GOING TO KICK SO MUCH COLLECTIVE MICHIGANDER ASS IT'S GOING TO BE SHEER HUMILIATION FOR ALL THOSE IN YOUR WAKE!!!

Seriously tho... good luck man. I hope that whitehead brings you much pleasure and one hell of a pop mark after!

Cheers buddy!

joyRuN said...

Good luck! Don't forget - nothing but sweet endearments to your baby cows :)

As for the whitehead/teeth query - YUCK!

Velma said...

I have always called myself a Michigander. Good luck with the race!

Vava said...

Yay Canada! Good luck in the race.

Marathon Maritza said...

Good luck, dude!!! I'll be sending you great-race vibes from San Francisco but you've gotta send some back...I'll be running too!

Shoe Running said...

I don't think I'll ever eat again after that whitehead comment...yuck!

Good luck man! Yahoo!!!

Ovens2Betsy said...

You're worried about a mile-long underwater tunnel? Whatever, dude. In my day (August 17, 2008, to be exact), we had to run through a TWO-MILE long, unlit tunnel. You kids got it easy these days.

(Oh, and best of luck!)

Roisin said...

Have an excellent race! I hope the weather cooperates.

I personally vote for Michiganders...my cousins in Ann Arbor like that one better.

Run For Life said...

Good luck - enjoy the race!!

J said...

Oh please, it's Michiganders. Good Luck on Sunday! May I suggest the Running Fit Scrambled Legs BBQ for your post-spooning celebration?

Jeff said...

Do you get a fee discount for paying in Canadian dollars now that its back to 90 cents on the USD?

Stupid comment, but the best I could do with that whitehead image floating around in my head.

Good luck.