Thursday, October 02, 2008

21. Jokes.

Back to our regularly scheduled shenanigans…

Thanks to everyone for their kind words, thoughts, prayers, etc in the comments
section of the last post. I’m so glad I gave up real live friends for ones that exist only in the bytes and artificial synapses of my computer. When I get bored, I can log in and pretend I’m having a conversation. When you bore me (which happens often),
I can simply turn you off. What a great relationship. I highly recommend it. Plus, I don’t get punched in the eye nearly as often as I did with my human friends. Score one for nerddom!

As for my filly, she’s leveraged her seizure to the tune of 5 new Webkinz from various relatives. She’s worked us like the banking industry is working over Congress. It’s a gluttony of pop culture designed to distract and heal her sore body. You know we’ve gone overboard when the Eagle Webkinz purchased on Sunday is the “old” Webkinz by Tuesday, according to my daughter. (Insert mildly distasteful joke here) Heck, I’m thinking of having a seizure myself to let a plethora of new Asics rain down upon me. (End mildly offensive joke. That’s how we roll at F.M.S. You don’t come here for biscuits and honey after all.)

In final Mr. Serious tones, thanks again everyone for your concern. My filly is doing
great and, like this blog, is back to her regularly scheduled duality of lovableness
and attitude. Harvard is going to have its hands full come 2019.
In other news, I did manage another after work 21 miler. A few days late but I felt it was important to get it in as I only have one other 20 miler logged. Judging by my lingering hamstring and calf pain, I’m not sure it was the right choice. It’s done though and taper has begun!

To recap, I planned three 7 mile loops arriving back at my front door for some water, Gatorade, Roctane Gu, and – a new item – an Endurolyte salt tab. Anyone that has been with me here for awhile knows that recurring cramping as been an issue for me over the last few months. I’m not opposed to trying new things. If the salt tab doesn’t work, the next idea on my list is the replacement of my calve muscles with those stretchy bands that I love to…stretch. They seem really flexible and never cramp up. The next idea after that is to capture a leprechaun and force it to perform magic cramp healing spells on my body (they do that right?) and, also, serve me Lucky Charms as that seems like it would be a stereotypically hilarious thing for it to do.

As I mentioned, I wanted to pull back on pace a bit compared to my 20 miler two weeks ago. That was at a 7:09 pace. I was looking for a 7:20 – 7:25 pace for this run.

Miles 1-7: 7:13 pace and feeling good.
Miles 7-14: 7:24 pace and getting some complaints from the hamstrings.

After my second break with one more loop to go, I had some sensitivity in the hamstrings and the legs were a bit sluggish. Miles 13 and 14 were in the 7:42 range which I did not appreciate. I wouldn’t even look at Garmin for several minutes. I will not be mocked by my own GPS watch.

I regrouped and took off for the last loop determined to stay under a 7:30 pace. I wasn’t feeling it today so it was Hold On One Mile At A Time mentality. Miles 15 and 16 were back in the 7:15 range.

Mile 17 crept up to 7:40 range as the calves started twitching and my desire to become a crackhead returned.

Mile 18 and 19 were in the 8:30 range as someone secretly encased both of my feet in cement when I must have been busy reading Garmin the riot act. The calves were poking out of the skin every 20 seconds or so to see if now would be a good time to cramp up.

Miles 20 and 21 were what I called a “controlled stagger” in the 9:30 range.

The cramps threatened…snarled…bared teeth, claws, and yellow eyes. Whenever I attempted to speed up – TWITCHahahahaha, got ya’, sucker! Enjoy 9:30 pace because we ain’t going any faster.

Post run, I wallowed in my stank for awhile then drove up to the pizza place for a large pepperoni pizza. Wisely, I sat on a towel so as not to saturate my seat with runner sweat. Unwisely, I forgot to take the towel into the house upon return. You can imagine the odor wafting out of the car door the next day. If you think it smelled something like you imagine Vanilla smells like, you’d be right. (Feel free to speculate on the source of Vanilla’s odor in the comments. Is it rotted animal? Clown vomit? A combination of both?)

The last BIG long run didn’t exactly go as planned but, still, taper, baby!

Miles 15-21: 8:21 pace and partial hallucination including, but not limited to, the desire to pull off and nurse the syrupy goodness from a passing tree.

I’ll chalk it up to a busy, stressful weekend and poor nutrition and move on.

21.0 miles
2:40:56 time
7:40 mile/pace

Being in the 35-39 age bracket, my BQ line is at a 7:28 pace and this would not have gotten it done. Boo cramping, booooo!

After consuming pizza, I rolled my sleeping daughter off the couch and onto the floor with a big THUNK. Spinal taps, CT scan, MRI, EEG, and multiple needle torture? Excuse me? Ever run 21 miles?

Get off the couch.

Happy trails.

I have been absent in ridiculing, er, commenting on everyone's training plans. I will make the rounds in the days ahead. Rest assured I will be keeping a keen eye out for spelling, grammar, footnote usage and comparison's to mythological creatures (big bonus points for anyone who works in a Centaur.)


Melissa said...

I take my eye off you for a minute, and you're getting into all kinds of drama. Best wishes to the filly! That must have been damn scary--probably even more for you than for her. Speaking as a parent.

*aron* said...

so glad she is doing better :)

great job on getting the 21 miler in after a very draining weekend. welcome to taper!!!

chia said...

Yaaay taper time! I'm glad your ittle is better enough to milk this ;-). LOVE it!

Topher said...

Glad to hear she's on the mend, and hopefully can get it under control.

I want to educate you on what a controlled stagger really is. I had to laugh outloud (thank goodness for office doors that close) when I saw that you called a 9:30 pace a "controlled stagger". That's a good race pace for me. Seeing as how my last name is Staggs and am often called "Staggers", a controlled stagger is really me, on race day, keeping my wits and running one heck of a race. That, my friend, is a controlled stagger.

tfh said...

Ah, Nitmos, you do simply turn us off.

Watch out for that rewarding-filly-for-getting-sick thing. Once she's noticed that feeling bad is connected with attention/prizes, she might just become a runner.

Jeff said...

Take a few weeks off from blog following and all hell breaks loose.

Glad your little one is doing well and good to see the old Nitmos has returned to form.

Enjoy the taper.

Jess said...

Glad to hear your daughter is doing better and milking it for all that it's worth!

Nice job on your 21! Hope taper doesn't make you too crazy!

Viv said...

Great news on the Philly, Nit! Yea, that is my nicname for you from you byte friend.

I love the Endurolytes I take tem for the key for me is to keep on em which is hard on the bike. Just an fyi you can open the cap and throw em in water.Then again that will almost make em a Nunn. LOL!

Try to enjoy the taper it looks like it is coming at a good time.

nwgdc said...

Wonderful to hear about the fil.

But, wait...35 to 39?!?

7:28 pace ?!?!

Man, you are ollllllllllllld.

Big said...

Glad you daughter is feeling better. And its better to get an ungly run out of the way before the race.

Sarah said...

Score one for nerddom! are one of usssss. We will assimilate. Resistance is futile. Now, can you enlighten Viper? He thinks he's not a nerd. The dude is deluded.

Vanilla smells like the inside of a NASCAR bus after six days parked on the infield. Doubt me? People, I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES. I think the big dude up there is really Vanilla. He's just been pulling a half-fast one on us all this time.

I will be keeping a keen eye out for spelling, grammar, footnote usage

NITMOS!!! Who do you think you are, ME? I'm the resident grammar nazi 'round these parts. :)

Hang on, man, we're almost there. Only 17 more days to Detroit.

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Glad the little one is doing better.

I like how you pushed the filly off the couch. Don't care what you did, you didn't just run a marathon. GO AWAY!:) lol

Taper time--you must be used to it by now.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

You don’t come here for biscuits and honey after all.

In fact, that is exactly why I came here. But... {Mr. Burns Voice} I was ...misinformed. You've made a very powerful enemy today, Sir. Good Day! I ... SAID ... GOOD ... DAY!{/Mr. Burns Voice}

Glad to hear your daughter is on the mend and taking payment for her ordeal in Webkinz, which are stronger today in relation to the euro than the dollar is. Slightly better than the Canadian dollar, too.

So she's a fiscal genius.

Here's hoping Seizure Futures are down. That's one market we all hope to see go Bear.

I live 21 miles from where I work but it took me 3 minutes less to get here than it took you to run your 21 miles. So ... HA-ha! You're slower than a Dodge Neon!

Meg said...

Glad to hear the old attitude is back and that your daughter is doing better!

Marlene said...

Good to have you back and glad to hear your little one is doing good.

EWWWWW @ the towel. This is why we always take my husband's car on running missions....

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

That's ok, I still don't have the foggiest idea what a 'Webkinz' is. I'm still getting older by the minute.

Enjoy the taper (if such a thing is possible). Glad to hear the filly is back to being herself...I think.

Ted said...

That is phenomenal that your daughter is doing well. Its terrific to hear from you. It is always a good idea to take a break for awhile. Enjoy the tapering !

Ms. V. said...

The strife among these cousins is a metaphor for the conflict between the lower appetites and civilized behavior in humankind.

Yes, straight from Centauomachy. Fits you Nitmos.

Cramping in my hams is my new nighttime battle. Didn't know I was supposed to treat it!

Yeah, my kid. In the Hospital. Mommy, did Santa bring me anything else? (It was December...)

It's okay. I'm sure you would have her be no other way...DEMANDING! Glad you are both better.

Kristina said...

Thank God you're back. I was starting to get all soft and friendly without my daily dose of snark.

Xenia said...

Glad to see all is well again in the Nitmos household. Except for the cramping. That's not so good.

joyRuN said...

I JUST finally understood why my hospital's gift shop has Webkinz lined up like crazay.

Glad to hear your filly's doing better (concussion from being dumped off the couch aside).

Happy tapering!

thebets said...

Glad the youngin' is doing well. Enjoy your rest!

Vanilla said...

Oh sure, take shots at me the day I'm stuck at off-site training all day and can't respond right away. As for how I smell? Like home made cookies with a hint of Vanilla. Duh? Quite the opposite of how you smelled, which I imagine to be like sweaty Centaur taint.

*Walks away, taking big bonus points with him.*

Marci said...

Glad your little one is better. Your marathon is fast approaching, good job on the long run and enjoy your taper.

Vava said...

Nitmos, I am somehow glad to hear that you are human and have to endure human frailties like the rest of us. That being said, it's still remarkable that you finished that run, now go eat some bananas will you!

And why does Clown Vomit smell worse than any other vomit? Whatcha got against Clowns? No Webkinz for you!

Nat said...

Glad she's on the mend.

Are we into taper madness? 21 miles on a weeknight and I'd be out until Midnight -- probably getting mugged.

The Laminator said...

Glad to have you back Nitmos and glad to hear that filly's on the mend. Yeah chalk up the 21-miler to your leftover crappiness from the weekend.

But oh boy, if THIS is how you handle a mildly bad 21-miler, i shudder to think what will become of you during the taper!

SLB said...

Glad to her you little'ns on the mend, but what's with that pace I thought for a spring chicken you'd be all over it!

SJ Goody said...

YAY for Filly. I was always a master at milking an "injury" or "incident" for all it was worth.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

Excellent news that she's doing better and milking it for all she can (that must just bring a tear to your eye...)

21 miles is in in the books. Bring on the taper!

Ovens2Betsy said...

Thank God the pity party is over. There's only so much of that I could stand. And good on ya for showing your filly no mercy. What's with these epileptics? My hubby is all "Wah -- I bit my tongue, my muscles are sore, I have a splitting headache." I mean, really! Quitcher whining! I just slap him upside the head and tell him to go clean up his drool.

In all seriousness, I'm so happy to see your filly has her attitude and you have your sense of humor back. I know that's what helps hubby cope with his condition. No matter how sick and wrong I think his epilepsy jokes can be! (Although obviously his twisted humor has rubbed off me).

Viper said...

So the salt tabs didn't do shit? Damn! I was considering them for my next attempt at sub-four, which is way harder than BQ.

Glad to hear the filly has properly milked the hospital visit.

Reluctant Runner said...

Good lord, Nitmos, I just stopped by and read your post about your daughter. So sorry to hear it, but glad she's better. I work at a children's hospital and the webkinz are hot, hot, hot.

An after-work 21K is nothing at all like all like a real race-day run. I bet you'll do amazing! (V. bad grammar, that.)

Frayed Laces said...

21 miles deserves special treatment. At least that's what I tell myself as I wear my tiara and sash all day with pride.

Sbanfnyc said...

I got the blessing of having cut legs and look like a runner however I usually just drink coffee and eat pizza on fridays. When you said "8:21 pace and partial hallucination including, but not limited to, the desire to pull off and nurse the syrupy goodness from a passing tree". I thought of my lunch today where I threw the crust to the squirrels. I wonder is they get hallucinations from the sauce? They sure run a lot.

Scott said...

Great to see all is well...

Lily on the Road said...

ah, it all comes to light, hence the filly & colt references!

Nitmos is a Centaur in disguise!...I see said the blind man....

Well, I'm so glad that your filly is doing much better that is good news.

Girl on Top said...

The pizza sounds like it would make up for the pain. Sometimes I don't know if I run because I like it or because I can eat almost anything and not feel too bad.

Roisin said...

Bring it! And your daughter and I unfortunately have a thing or two in common. Yay for mysterious nervous disorders! I think...

AKA Alice said...

I believed you when you said a great run always follows a lousy backatcha...taper away.

Filly is one smart chica...knowing how to leverage is a skill that just can't be taught!

Michelle J said...

YAY for filly feeling better!!!

I am reading so much about this tapering stuff!!! Have fun with it dude!! I love your blog!!!