Strollered

In a recent post, I had linked to this picture in my 5k race and SLB, aka Quadrathon, made the observation that it appeared I was very nearly being “strollered”. I found this funny. And surprising that none of the rest of you took this opportunity to blast me. If you are looking for the same consideration from me when posting your race photos, you’ll be disappointed. I also note that it appears I’ve been head banded by at least two people already according to the same photo.

We’ve all seen these terms before: chicked, duded, etc. I believe it’s loosely defined as:

transforming the noun, of the person or object passing you while running, into a
hilarious or, at least, mildly amusing, verb to emphasize your
humiliation.

I want to give credit where credit may be due. These terms may have been floating around the interwebs for years as far as I know but the first place I encountered “chicked” was at Half Fast. And possibly “duded” also though it seems like I may have run across that first at Frayed Laces. If you invented these terms instead, good for you. And get over yourself.

I’ll give “strollered” to Quadrathon. Though, again, feel free to arm wrestle each of these site owners for proper credit if you’ve been slighted here. Don’t sue me. I don’t take well to being sued. I tend to cry, suck my thumb, and ball up in a corner until it’s all over. I’m more of the “suer”* type than a “suee”.

Consider this an additional list of verbs to use that may help to describe your latest humiliation while running. I didn’t both to spell this out phonetically. If you can’t sound these out on your own, you shouldn’t be here anyway. This is a PG-13 blog (I'm looking at your Chinese "women's" gymnastics team).

I’ve experienced many of these (read, all of these) at some point during my running life.

strollered (v) being passed by someone pushing a brat in a wheeled conveyance.

molassesed (v) moving slower than spilled molasses oozing across a counter.

hot air ballooned (v) being passed by the notoriously imperceptibly floating object that never seems to budge from its position in the sky.

Priused (v) being passed by this motorized Toyota that, based on appearance, lends one to think you really should be able to beat it.

grand mothered (v) being flat out beaten by a woman or man (grand fathered) that attended Woodstock or, at least, remembers when Dick Van Dyke was hilarious.**

Schwinned (v) to pass on foot a cyclist. Here, the embarrassment belongs to the biker.

lawn mowered (v) being eclipsed by the smart ass neighbor cutting his lawn with the push mower.

Fisher Priced (v) being overtaken by a toddler or young child that is no more than 3 years removed from a regular play date with Little People.

funeraled (v) having your run interrupted by a funeral procession that leaves you wondering ‘ just how many people knew this guy anyhow??’ followed by thoughts of ‘is it rude to cut through the procession’ and, finally, leaves you pondering how many cars will be in your own procession one day.

Skechered (v) being passed by a runner wearing completely inappropriate running shoes where you know this person has no idea what they are doing but still managed to overtake you.

prided (v) having your dignity and arrogance continue on ahead without you as you pull off mid race to attend to a calf cramp. (See, in particular, Chicago Marathon ’07 and Boston ’08).

Please add to this list as you see fit. Get your term out there so you can officially take credit and sue the pants off anyone else who tries to steal it.

* Note: Despite how it sounds, this does not say “sewer”.
** At my last 5k, there was a woman who grand mothered ALL of us. At least, based on age graded ranking. She’s 66 years old and finished 136th of 1088 overall with a time of 21:43. However, she scored a whooping 97.3% - World Class level - on the age grade scale and 1st overall!!
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The Beer Schlitz

File this away in the General Indifference and Public Apathy folder. Pabst Brewing has announced they are remaking Schlitz beer. Like a tree falling in the forest, will anyone even taste it? Are they trying to set the record for the biggest collective indifferent shoulder shrug in history? Quick, someone contact Shasta and let 'em know it's time to step up their soda production.

Is it just me or should we not name a beer after something that rhymes with “shits”? Although it appears Blatz has gotten away for years with a name that resembles the sound my esophagus makes when it rejects it back into the toilet.

Thanks Schlitz! Can't wait to pass you by in the grocery store again and buy good beer. Here's to you!
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Steer Tange forwarded me an Amby Burfoot article from Runner's World. The article, about marathoners competing in the Olympic Games, is interesting in and of itself. However, what makes it truly special is the last line. I smell another law suit. You know, my favorite kind. The kind where I'm the suer.

Fist bumps!!