Monday, August 04, 2008

Fist Bump Vacation

One of my more endearing qualities is the ability to find that one phrase, habit, or action that really annoys Mrs. Nitmos and/or the kids and repeat it ad nauseam until I’m threatened with physical violence…or, at least, a weeks worth of eating “ham steaks”. Shudder. As long as it makes me laugh, I can completely ignore the increasingly angry looks I receive in return.

To illustrate: Whenever someone requires a clean up to their mopish top, they might say “I’m going to get a hair cut.” To which, I respond, “Why don’t you get them all cut? Same price.” See? Hilarious. Now, imagine that you’ve heard that “joke” at least 108 times over the years. See? Even more hilarious.

Welcome to Fist Bump Vacation.

I’m not sure where this idea hatched. At some point, I started demanding fist bumps from Mrs. Nitmos for every trivial event. We just passed through the yellow light before it turned? Fist bump. Gas went down 2 cents? Fist bump. Is that a blue jay? Fist bump.

Now anyone that knows me knows I’m very anti-high five so this is probably pretty confusing that I’d be demanding fist bumps so frequently. I haven’t been a fist bump guy before but once you start, you know what, you just can’t stop. And Mrs. Nitmos is not overly receptive to receiving fist bump requests so our execution appeared a bit disjointed. Several times I needed to demand the fist bump before I’d get one. And this was always preceded by an Eye Roll. An eye roll fist bump is just not the same, you know?

We were watching previews before a movie and the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahuas came on. This is movie magic! And certainly worthy of a fist bump (especially considering the morning’s bowl of Lucky Charms got one.)

Fist bump!


Mrs. Nitmos left me hanging on that one. Seems shes got something against Chihuahuas from 90210.

Here’s a run down of the weeks highlights in lazy, non-paragraphy bullet points:

- We attended a performance of the touring version of Wicked at Michigan State University’s Wharton center. I was lured there by the promise of a Gallagher show that, sadly, never materialized.

- We spent most of the week in Traverse City boating, tubing, sunning, sanding, running, and movieing.

- Mrs. Nitmos suffered severe sun burns that nearly required a trip to the Ready Care. We were on our way but I wanted to stop for a donut and, you know, one thing led to another and by the time I awoke from my post-donut nap, she seemed to be...fine (i.e. "sleeping").

- The 4th annual Traverse City Film Festival was taking place. This event is best described in two words: strange bedfellows. The creator and manager of it is uber liberal Michael Moore (who lives in the area) but the city – and that entire region of Michigan – is overwhelmingly conservative. So, you have all of these arch conservative businessmen, politicians, and townsfolk working arm in arm with Michael Moore to make this festival successful (and increasingly popular!) Funny to watch it unfold. Funny in a weird way.

- We attended a festival film that was so disturbing and controversial that I counted no less than 7 people storming out of the theatre. One man let his feelings be known by shouting obscenities at the screen on his way out. He must not have noticed the 2 dimensional image of the actors. They couldn’t hear his rant. Idiot.

- We wandered down to do a bit of celebrity stalking as well. Alas, Madonna had already entered the theatre a few minutes before we arrived. No word on whether she wore her cone bra to the event. I’ll assume she did.

- With Mrs. Nitmos on her bike and me on my Asics, we took the T.A.R.T. trail out for a few runs during the week. Very, very nice.

I am tanned. Still toned. Sore from multiple Smashminton matches. And loaded with snarkiness. Once “work” decides they don’t need me to “catch up”, I’ll let it all spill forth onto these pages.

Oh, and did I mention the waitress that complained she couldn’t bring our food to the table due to her rheumatoid arthritis? Or find anyone else to help her?

That was awesome.

Fist bump!

Saturday's LR:

13.0 miles
7:00 pace/mile

It seems someone has taken to calling me an idiot while I was away. If I wasn't such an idiot, I'd be appalled and seeking retribution. Instead, know that I spent more than one night at a $1 per pint pub whittling away the hours this past week. You?


Xenia said...

So now that you're back at work, your family can finally begin their vacation. Poor things.

Welcome back. *fist bump*

Kevin said...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua? So now they've given Paris Hilton's dog a movie and thats magic?

You've been on vacation for too long

Marcy said...

Mrs Nitmos should have fist bumped you in the eye. I guess that wouldn't have been a fist bump then, now would it? :P Kidding!

Good to see you back ;D I actually missed you. That is as sentimental as I'll ever get, don't ask for more :P

Vanilla said...

Once the fist bump starts to get on everyone's nerves you can start "blowing it up" like Michael Scott did on The Office. I'd try to find a YouTube of it, but you wouldn't be able to watch it anyway so what's the point?

nwgdc said...

I get the same eye roll from my wife regarding the fist bump. Her and Mrs. Nitmos are aparrently wayyyyyy too cool.

Sarah said...

We attended a festival film that was so disturbing and controversial that I counted no less than 7 people storming out of the theatre.

Good lord, man, don't leave us hanging! What was it? (So I can make a point of seeing it eventually, of course.)

Lucky dog...Traverse City is awesome. I hope you got to North Peak Brewery for some quality pints.

thebets said...

Welcome back...your wife should be sainted. Poor thing could have died from sun poisoning in her "sleep" while you were taking your post-pastry nap.

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Welcome back! Sounds like you had some fun:)

Fitarella said...

reminds me of when I used to say to my dad "i'm hungry" and he'd reply "i'm carlos!" SO ANNOYING!
and he did this for YEARS!

You stopped for a donut on the way to take your wife to Ready Care?!
What kind did you get?

Viper said...

Even a broken watch is right twice a day. Nice find on the $1 pints, idiot.

P.O.M. said...

What was the movie that was so controversial? I would probably love it. Fist bump.

I tried to celebrity stalk last Friday at the Ivy. Didn't see anyone but some dumb kid who is on the Disney channel.

Last, I think I am the only human who thought Wicked was the most annoying musical ever. I liked the concept, just not the songs or the actors in LA.

audgepodge said...

Welcome back from vacation!

So I'm curious, did the love of bad jokes begin the day your first child was born? It just seems to be a common trend of dads - so fascinating!

BTW - thanks for the advice on the 5K. I have been looking for an upcoming race, the tough part is that I don't want it to interfere with my HM training plan. I'm definitely going to be more diligent with the speed work though!

Amanda said...

Yeah pretty sure if D kept asking for a fist bump he'd eventually get one in the gut...but maybe not who knows until it happens right? Admit it, Wicked wasn't all that bad even without the lure?

The Laminator said...

Sad, Nitmos! I feel for you man. Even I got three fist bumps from random strangers when I crossed the finish line yesterday.

Ms. V. said...


fist bump has me rolling!

Scott said...

I'll give what my daughter calls "knuckles" to ya for a sweet vacation. Right on.

Ms. V. said...

PS-I do believe as Kurt Gibson rounded those bases, that he was doing an original, albeit one-sided fist bump.

I was there.

*aron* said...

you sound like my husband - find something that annoys me and repeat as many times as he can before i lose my mind!

sounds like a great vacation!

MissAllycat said...

You sound just like a guy I dated in college with the "hair cut" joke.

That was the sole reason I dumped him.

So watch yourself! You never know when Mrs. Nitmos will go over the edge and call the whole thing off because she heard the joke too many times...


MizFit said...


I had hoped Mrs. N would encounter and arm wrestle the Material Girl.

The Mandapants said...

You're so speedy! On a whim, I looked up the qualifying time for Boston and realized...

...I'm hella slow (read: 10.5 per mile on a 14-miler slow).

I look up to you and your speediness (who doesn't?!), so I ask...

Were you always about as fast as you are now? Was there a lot of improvement over time as a long-term runner? Is there hope for me? *cry*

I'm destined forever to be a long-run shuffler.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

My father in law still tells that hair cut joke. every. time.

tfh said...

You totally should have tried to fist bump that guy cursing the movie screen. Somehow I'm imagining him as the type who would interpret it as a terrorist symbol...

Kristina said...

At least when you cut your hair, you don't tell everyone you "had your ears lowered." I hear that every 4-6 weeks. It does not earn a fist bump.

Merry said...

Sadly, a true genius is never appreciated as he deserves. It's tragic.

Reid said...

I love the hair cut line! Sounds like you had a great time.

By the way, great run on Saturday! My mile training is killing my long run endurance. Hopefully, I'll reach my goal soon, so I can get back into marathon training.

Reluctant Runner said...

Re: fist bumps. I'm with Mrs. Nitmos. The potential for painful knuckle-to-knuckle contact is too great.

Brian said...

All funny stuff in your post, but 13 miles @ 7 min pace, your killing me, just killing me.

Realy good time you got to be happy with that, right?

Anonymous said...

I have my own version of the fist bump.

Instead, I slap someone.

Just as funny... meh... maybe more.

The Mandapants said...

Thanks for your help, Nitmos! :)

PS: I love the fist bump. I work it into daily socialization whenever I can. Especially when talking to the Conservative Grandparents.

I tell them that every time I fist bump someone, a democrat loses his Prius.

I think they're starting to believe me.

*drives off in imaginary hybrid*

Crabby McSlacker said...

Fist bumps are on my list of things that seem way too annoying to stick around for long--like tv reality shows, droopy-pantsed teen-aged males, text messaging...

Uh oh.

My sympathies to Mrs. Nitmos.