Friday, August 29, 2008

Randumbery III

I used to run this semi regular feature called "Randumbness" about, as you would guess, various random and dumb things going on. It was a nice page filler. You thought you were getting actual carefully constructed content. Instead, you were getting fluff, filler, time wasters. I'm not saying this to foreshadow this post. I'm just saying the post title is Randumbery and if you can put 2 and 2 together....well, we'll both be pleasantly surprised at your cognitive skills.

Big Brain on Brett

I’m going to reveal to you all an ancient but tightly guarded secret on how to keep forehead sweat from running into your eyes. You might think to yourself, easy, bandanna. Or headband. Or wicking hat (or wickeding hat, if you are from Boston). Nope. Nope. And nope.

Well, maybe they’ll all work for that purpose. I don’t know. I don’t wear anything on my noggin’ whilst running as my brain is constantly flexing and volatile and cannot be contained by an inflexible hat band. Plus, my parietal lobe is frickin’ sweet and should not be covered up. That’d be like putting clothes on Michelangelo’s David (though I think most men would agree he should be at least wearing a thong.)

My family secret for keeping sweat out of eyes, handed down generation by generation, known only to close relatives and anyone who reads Runner’s World or any other running reference periodical? Chapstick. That’s right. Smear some Chapstick on the forehead above the eyebrows and watch the sweat magically disappear before reaching your eyeballs.

Try it out. Honest, I’m not trying to make you look like a douchebag.

I’d Gotta Know What A $5 Milkshake Tastes Like

I was all set to slam this horrible tasting fruit snack I had the other day. On the fly, I picked up a couple X-Treme Fruit Bites snack packets promising no preservatives, no fat, no artificial flavors and an “excellent source of vitamin C”. They were only .39 cents and I’m up for all of those things (or none of those things as the case may be.) I bought one grape and one strawberry flavor as .78 cents is a bit much to take out of the family budget.

Did you ever want to cut off your own tongue or get angry with your esophagus for not initiating the gag reflex? That’s how I felt after the first few bites of the grape flavor bites. I pressed on, basically, in disbelief that it really couldn’t be this awful tasting. I double and triple checked the package to see if it's corporate motto was 'It Makes You Feel Like You Are Dead Inside!' It had to get better didn’t it? Horrible. In the trash it went.

So, I sat here ready to let X-Treme Fruit Bites have it in Randumbery III with this lonely, menacing packet of strawberry bites staring at my from the drawer. I couldn't just throw out the strawberry packet without even trying it. Who's got .39 cents to burn? That's like 10 percent of a gallon of gas. The thought of bullying kids for their lunch money (again) just didn't appeal to me. I figured I’d sample those while I wrote this entry just to remind myself of how irate and ill feeling I got when testing the first packet. But you know what? Strawberry wasn’t too bad. In fact, it was pretty good.

I would rather lick a walrus’s armpit before having the grape bites again but strawberry? Sure.

We’re Gonna Be Like Three Little Fonzies Here

Three summer movie notes of only mild interest:

Best Film Wherein Someone Dies From a Golf Club Beating? Funny Games.
Best Use of Well-Coiffed Cavemen to Completely Distort History? 10,000 B.C.
Funniest Testicles-Rubbed-On-A-Drum-Set Scene? Stepbrothers.

Ringo’s Proud of You And So Am I. It’s Almost Over.

Twenty miles Sunday morning. Roctane GU here I come. Now things are getting serious…

Happy Labor Day.

9 sluggish miles last evening barely worth mentioning. I can't shake the chest congestion. Boo-hoo.

Don't forget to check out Reid's One Mile Virtual Race announcement and get in on the action.


RazZDoodle said...

Walruses have armpits? Wow. Learn somethin' new every day, don't ya?

Xenia said...

I refuse to watch 10,000 BC. I'd be throwing things at the screen for the full two hours.

Have a good holiday weekend!

Marcy said...

Chapstick on the brows?!? I'll be the ass who does it, I don't care I run in the dark anyway :P

Viper said...

The salty sweat doesn't burn that bad. Toughen up. But I'm sure your brow is nice and supple.

Have a good holiday.

Big said...

Sorry you won't be heading up to TC, but I'll break things in your honor. I also grow a unibrow to absorb any head sweat.

Marlene said...

You'd better not be making a douchebag out of me with that chapstick trick. I'll totally try it, despite the raz I will get from my husband.

Adam said...

Most walrus's armpits have a salty, leathery taste with just an overtone of rancid grape. So skip wrestling the blubbery beasts and stick with the 39 cent crap pack.

Vanilla said...

You know what those x-treme fruit bites need? More fat, sugar, preservatives and artificial flavors. I bet they'd taste so much better.

Blyfinn said...

Any movie that that can combine a scene with testicles and a drum set has to be a must see.

Marathon Maritza said...

I am adamantly against anything that uses the marketing word of 'Xtreme' (really? It saves you that much time to omit the 'E'? Does adding the 'E' lower the hardcore-edness level a notch???)

My experience has been that anything claiming 'Xtreme' flavor usually tastes like 'Xtreme' shit.

Viv said...

I had no idea about the chapstick trick. I gotta give it a try.

The Roctane have you used it before? Do you like it? I have been asking around but did not "know" anyone who has given it a try, and I don't wanna blow my $1.25 on just any GU.

runjess said...

Fell asleep during 10,000 BC. Oddly soothing music.

Have you tried Cliff Shot Bloks? If so, do you like Roctane Gu better?

Anonymous said...

So THAT'S why my parietal lobe is so damned unattractive - not enough chapstick!

Marci said...

OK I am totally to try the chapstick on my brows. I know you wouldn't kid about something like this, RIGHT!!??!

Tall Girl Running said...

Wow... I sure coulda used the chapstick info last weekend. Thanks for nuthin'.

Wonder if Body Glide would work too? Then I'd literally be lubed up head to toe.

Vava said...

Years of chlorine have destroyed my sweat glands. Yeah, I'm more susceptible to heat stroke, but I don't worry about armpit stains... I'll pass your chapstick tip to my sweaty "friends". Nice work!

Michelle J said...

Good tips!! I surely will try the chap stick because, well i sweat up a storm on said forehead!!


hope your having a great weekend, good luck on your 20 miler tomorrow!!!

Nat said...

Love the Pulp Fiction titles... :)

I will avoid the fruity things. Still not sure about the Chaptstick...

SLB said...

Chapstick...really??? Or am I going to look like a duphass?

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

i think i'll stick to my headsweats hat and leave the chapstick at home.

aham23 said...


How about you, Lash Larue? Can you keep your spurs from jingling and jangling?


KimsRunning said...

Chapstick huh? Since I've trained my tongue to be able to lick the sweat from my brow, I'm gonna try the flavored kind.

I loved 10,000 BC. I'm a sucker for a love story. I cried at the end too.

Hey...was the drummer in that movie named Harry Paratestes???? I think I know him.