Monday, August 18, 2008

Deena Kastor Ruined My Long Run

Here I find myself late Saturday afternoon full of four beers, hamburgers, brats, and various chips, the result of a barbecue, mentally preparing (i.e. farting, burping, yelling at the kids) for the next morning’s planned long run and awaiting the women’s marathon in high definition TV. I figure I’ll find some inspiration watching an Olympic marathon. Enough inspiration to power my slow ass through 17 miles the next day, at least.

After the marathon starts, the wife, kids and I take off for a quick three mile bike ride. This is an exercise in humility for me. My sweet $49 Walmart Huffy currently sits gathering dust in the garage due to a two tire blowout. So, I’m riding my wife’s old bike in the meantime. You can imagine how cool I feel with my knees whacking against my chin with every pedal and my toes rubbing against the front tire on the turns. And don’t think I don’t notice those analyzing looks from my neighbors in the passing cars as they scan my bike and slowly come to the realization that the middle bar is sloping downwards. Bite me. I’m still cool.

We return home when the lead pack is around 10 miles in. Another beer for me. A few more abusive words for the kids. I settle into my easy chair for a second round of marathon watching and orifice gas belching. Or “blatzing” as I’ve now taken to calling it (take that!).

And what do my wondering eyes not perceive? No Deena Kastor!? Where, where could she be? Maybe she’s so far out in front that she passed the lead camera truck on her way to a 1:49 marathon? Maybe she’s lagging behind the lead pack for a second half gold winning negative split?

Then the announcers report that Kastor had to drop out due to a foot injury.

B-U-M-M-E-R.

And then a second American dropped out due to a knee injury.

R-A-T P-O-O-P.

Finally, the last American slipped off pace and clearly was not going to threaten for a medal.

CAPITAL LETTER hyphen CAPITAL LETTER hyphen CAPITAL LETTER hyphen.

The awesome lead Romania’s Constantina Tomescu-Dita had rolled up was impressive to watch unfold. And despite the NBC announcer’s constant insistence that she was going to fade – almost wishing it with every step – she held on to win.

That was all well and good but I had planned to watch Deena win. Or, at least, hang right in there. Where did my inspiration go? What happened to her foot? Why is she acting all mortal now?

So, the next morning, I set out upon my 17 miler in heavy heat and hanging heart. I struggled. Last week’s 15 miler was my best run of the year. I was really looking forward to this Sunday’s 17 miler (the A to Q Express). Instead, after 15 miles, I had to stop and walk a bit. I was dehydrated and tired. The legs were twinging. I even went all look at me and went topless. There was no point to the shirt after 7 miles. My nipples were already easily visible through the sweat saturated top anyhow. And, really, my nipples should be seen by as many people as possible.

17.0 miles
2:00:31 time
7:06 pace


It was the toughest run of the year. It wasn’t the time. It was the dehydration and the reappearance of some early calf cramping signs. And the overwhelming need to stop and walk a bit at a distance I should easily be able to handle. No doubt all of this was due to Kastor. Turns out, she had a broken foot and dropped out at the 5k mark.

More importantly though, she ruined my long run.

It almost makes me want to punch a Panda.

31 comments:

Marcy said...

Damn that B!! Even if she had won (or came in 2nd or 3rd) you should still should have punched a Panda anyway :P Or least punched one of the kids. Early bedtime is always nice.

Vanilla said...

Punch a panda? Was that a euphamism?

Xenia said...

How inconsiderate of her. Hasn't she ever heard of running through the pain. What a wimp.

Pandas are vicious, dude. I'd be careful if I were you.

Jess said...

How rude...obviously she should have pushed through the pain...I mean really a broken foot? Bet you would have run through that Nitmos hahah

theloosemoose said...

Damned inconsiderate Olympians. Sounds like you've been "Beijinged".

At least you got to show off the nips, though.

Roisin said...

I know...I was sitting backstage, checking the marathon with my blackberry and when the results came up, no Deena. It maketh me sad.

And now I'm even more upset that she ruined your long run! Oh the humanity!!!

Viper said...

hmm, maybe that was my problem Sunday ... Deena F-ed!

Kristina said...

In her press conference, I'm pretty sure I heard Deena say, "I'm just really sad to let down Nitmos."

Meg said...

Yeah, she failed us all as Americans.

tfh said...

You went for a bike ride for the first 10 miles of the marathon? Deena's the one who should be complaining. Where were you when she needed you?

The Mandapants said...

Yeah. It's a little bit like getting half-way through a Dean Karnazes book and finding the words

"I HATE YOU...

...AND RUNNING."

in boldface.

And just as detrimental to your long run, I would imagine. :-P

PS: You should start doling out farcical long-run goals for people. The Carrot Top sonnet definitely helped. :)

MissAllycat said...

I'm still racking my brain for a three letter swear word. C'mon. Couldn't you have added that last hypen CAPITAL LETTER...so I could assume you were dropping the F-bomb??

Viv said...

The marathon was sad with the American drop outs. Anywhoo, I did not know I was reading the blog of someone who has the kind of nipples we should all see. I am with Xenia on the Pandas are vicious have you ever seen that Jack Black Panda movie?!

P.O.M. said...

Shitty runs for everyone this weekend. Must have been Deena all around.

Ms. V. said...

Broke my heart.

Ovens2Betsy said...

Yeah, I hear ya. I went on a long run yesterday too. It was hot & humid. My legs hurt. I was ready for it to be over by mile 23. My time? Oh, it doesn't matter. It really was no big deal. It was something like 4 hours, perhaps less. Again, no big deal. Certainly nothing to brag/blog about.

Michelle J said...

There was no point to the shirt after 7 miles.

Dude i feel this way every single run!! I want to shed my shirt usually after about mile 1! You guys have it good!

Damn Deena Kastor!! She not nice!!

Good run though Nitmos, always a good run!!

M

Vava said...

Didn't a French woman drop out first???

Non-Runner Nancy said...

I had the same sort of where's Deena confusion during my beer binging as well. So sad.

If you decide to take on Kung Fu Panda, I hope you will tape it for our viewing pleasure.

*aron* said...

awesome run even if it was a struggle... way to get it done!

i was so sad when she dropped out and looks like it had that effect on everyone!

Lily on the Road said...

poor, poor Nitmos, Deenafied...

hahaha, Nancy, Kung Fu Panda, now that would be something to see!!!

Amanda said...

Darn her for ruining your run, what was she thinking. People really can be rather inconsiderate.

I noticed the crazy announcers to... "any time now she's going to drop" "oh her form is off...well maybe it's not" "oh once she sees the stadium maybe the adrenaline will be too much" SHUT UP

Laura said...

Due to wine drinking, mile 10 is right about where I started watching too, and I too was confused. Made me look bad b/c I had tried to impress the boy by predicting the winner and then she didn't show!

Scott said...

Hopefully Ryan Hall will provide that needed inspiration.

Ted said...

Go ahead and punch a Panda. I feel the same way, too! Hmmm... how can it be a tough run with 17 miles in 2 hrs with a pace of 7:06. That is really phenomenal. Maybe it was the beers, hamburgers, brats and chips doing the talking!

Steve Stenzel said...

DAMN IT!!!

(funny post though!!)

aham23 said...

beer. huffy. womens running. damn this has to be blog post of the year. later.

runjess said...

I love Paula and Deena, but I was still inspired by watching this race. I want to be able to run like that when I'm 38...or now at 24.

The Young Family said...

Love the post! Too funny... Youv'e been Beijinged... loved it!

If you can find a Panda in your neck of the woods, by all means, hall out and punch away... only you have to do it like a girl - cuz that would be funny! I can picture it.

Em

sRod said...

I feel these games inspiring lots of panda punching. Zoos should lock up their pandas. Um...more than they already do.

SLB said...

The commentators were hysterical, " oh there's no way she can win"..."she'll fade and go back to the pack" etc etc "Oh she's won!"

Still no medals for the Brits either so I don't feel so bad!