Wednesday, August 20, 2008

DJ Nitmos in Da Howse

I know. It doesn’t sound right coming from me. It sounds really weird from my inner voice as well. I’m just not hip enough to pull off that title line.

However, it is an accurate description of what’s going down this weekend. “Da Howse” will be a smallish community center in northern Michigan where a milestone anniversary party is taking place for my in laws. Somehow, I was anointed deejay of this event. Who, in their infinite wisdom, decided to give me a forum to amplify my spur-of-the-moment, ill-considered thoughts to an audience? Tsk, tsk, their problem. Not mine. If I feel like comparing their relationship to the stages of a marathon – including but not limited to the mid race bowel movement – during the meal that’s what they get for giving a fool a microphone.

Actually, I have some experience in this area. Long ago, in a time where DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince were competing with Kid N’ Play for top MC honors, I substitute deejayed on a couple of occasions to fill in for a friend on some “gigs”. I fashioned myself as a white LL Cool J at the time. I was a regular DJ Blumpkin before anyone knew what a blumpkin was.

On those occasions, I had some memorable experiences:

- I invented the dousing of the dance lights (including the cliched spinning disco ball) during The B52’s The Love Shack famous “tin roof…rusted” interlude at a community college dance. Always a crowd pleaser.

- At a redneck wedding reception, I witnessed a bride throw her bouquet into the light fixture and then, as none of the “gentlemen” present would assist with its retrieval, proceed to grab a chair, stand on it wedding dress and all, and wave a broom stick in an attempt to knock it out until my deejay buddy and I offered to do it for her. Afterwards, of course, we slid behind the music stands and laughed hysterically for a half hour.

-At another wedding, we watched in horror as the unpopular bride during the dollar dance was discounted. It’s called a dollar dance, of course, because the price to pay for the dance is $1. The groom had a huge line. The bride? Not so much. So, an announcement was made that it would only be .50 cents to dance with her. No kidding.

So that’s where I’ll be Saturday night. On top of it all, as Mrs. Nitmos can attest, I absolutely HATE wedding reception music (which this will most likely mimic): Achy Breaky Heart, a polka or two, the complete collection of Luther Vandross sprinkled throughout the night. And I’ll be responsible for playing it. I’ll probably issue each song with an apology. ‘I’m sorry, I have to play this next.’ And so on.

To make matters worse, I have a long run the next morning so I won’t be able to hydrate as much as I normally would. Although one shock to the system with “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang may be all I need to send me scrambling for the rum.

It’s time to dig out and iron my slick, thin, keyboard tie. DJ Nitmos is in da howse.

Happy trails.
__________________________________

Stop by and get more expert running tips at Mizfit's place. And remember the rules (spelled out for you at the bottom of this post) on what kind of comments to leave though you can also add "hip deejay" to the list.

27 comments:

Vanilla said...

If you were really cool you would have said that you were "in the Hizz-ouse," or maybe "in the hizzy!"

RazZDoodle said...

$5 if you play Slipknot, Danzig and Pantera for 20 minutes.

Ah the DJ gig. The wedding DJ is almost as bad as the DJ at a restaurant. Not a club. A restaurant. One of my first "gigs" after college.

*aron* said...

i knew this was going to be a special post when i saw the title :) lol... should be a hilarious night i am sure! have fun!

Roisin said...

Wedding reception music is the worst. Just because you got married does not give you the excuse to dance the YMCA in public.

But you get points for the keyboard tie. Awesomeness.

Molly said...

A discount dollar bride dance? That is just WRONG!

Viper said...

I say you play Whitney Houston's version of "I will always love you" on endless repeat and call it a night.

I look forward to your playlist.

tfh said...

Well, I just hope next Monday's post title won't be "My In-Laws Anniversary Ruined My Long Run."

Nah, I'm sure all those great tunes will pump you up. I know I can't thank you enough for the fact that "Celebration" is now my brain's background music.

Chad Aaron Sayban said...

Just drop in Jimmy Buffett's greatest hits, hit repeat, and go bar hopping. Nobody will notice.

Vava said...

I'm with the Jimmy Buffet guy on this! Only pop "Why don't we get drunk (and screw)" on repeat, THEN go bar hopping...

Vava said...

Thanks for the tip on Mile. I will check it out next. I also was rooting for Santee, even though it would be impossible to not know that Bannister was the first. I knew nothing about the Empire Games though, and that was a cool surprise. Mental note: don't run barefoot before a big race!

Vava said...

Oops! I got that wrong - the Aussie was Landy, not Santee.

Ms. V. said...

Nitmos! You slap!

(look it up in the Urban Dictionary, and you'll be hella cool)

P.O.M. said...

Definately slip some "Hoochie Mama" by 2 Live Crew. Always a pleaser.

Roisin said...

Bwahaha! Ears lowered...brilliant. That's something my father would say! And...at least my ears are visible again. Although, the hair might have been protecting me from the gnats...drat!

MizFit said...

!!!

and its Dee Jay Nitmos Up In Herre.

Kristina said...

Was the 50 cent bride by any chance the bride pictured on Marcy's blog the other day? That might explain a lot.

Xenia said...

You will of course be playing Young MC's Bust a Move, right. Right?!

Viv said...

Yea Nitmos, hizzhouse would have been hip. You totally gave yourself away, man.
I laughed so hard at the bride on a chair getting the boquet back. What in the world is wrong with redneck dudes.

Anyhow, rock the hizzhouse this weekend and stay hydrated DJ Nitmos for that long run. You gotta do the "Electric Slide" too fun in that cruise cliche kinda of way.

Marcy said...

Awwwwwwhhhhhh yeah!! Ohhh homie, I'll have to get your a grill, a pimp cup, and some gold chains. Sweet!

I agree with POM, 2 Live Crew Is the Way to go :P

Marcy said...

excuse me "get YOU"

Michelle J said...

How about the "chicken dance"? Always a crowd favorite!!!

Good luck dude and don't forget, you have a run the next day!!!

M

Ovens2Betsy said...

Oh man -- Viv beat me to it. You've GOT to play "Electric Slide." Of course, the "Macarena" would also be a definite crowd pleaser.

(And by the way, I too threw my bouquet into the light fixture. Fortunately I had my peeps retrieve it for me).

nwgdc said...

Please please please please tell me you have some photographic evidence of your days as a 'white LL Cool J"

Be sure to work in a "this next song is OFF THE CHAIN!!" at some point during the night.

Laura Brandon said...

hi! i was directed to you by laura at absolut(ly) fit. i have a question about a pain i've been having ever since i started running outside (as opposed to on a treadmill). it's a pain in my shins, but it's not shin splints, because those are in your muscles. i actually feel like my tibias hurt, not the muscles in my legs. Could it be the way i walk? and if it is, how do i fix that? i mean, it's just the way i walk! any ideas?

The Young Family said...

My hubby Dj's weddings occassionally..... it is pretty fun when we get a crowd "our age" they want all the 80's music...

Got to play Footloose!
Don't forget the ever popular chicken dance....

At our wedding we actually played a little 2pac... livin' on the edge!

Em

Lily on the Road said...

Don't forget the Chicken Dance, always a hit from the Hippy Dippy DJ....

Have fun!

Meg said...

Damn you for making me google the word "blumpkin!"