Friday, May 16, 2008

My Dirty Laundry

So I’m sitting here racking my brain trying to come up with a post topic. I figured I could pretty much throw anything out there and you all would eagerly lap it up. Maybe the 4,000 post ranting on gas prices? The unusual egg laying practices of the Flatback Turtle? Whatever. I’ll belch and see what lands on the screen. Enjoy.

However, I thought maybe I’d go a bit more provocative today. Dirty laundry. We all have it. We don’t want to talk about it but it’s there ready to spill out of the closet like a thousand stinky skeletons.

I’m not talking figuratively here. Literally, my laundry is very dirty and stinky…and in my closet. Some of my favorite running clothes have been saturated in sweat to such a degree that even repeated washings in between wearing has NOT completely eliminated the odor. My favorite short sleeve North Face running shirt (shown here) smells so bad I need to quarantine it in a separate part of the closet so it doesn’t aromatically infect everything else. Hell, no, I won’t get rid of it. It’s comfy. And it’s gonna get stinky anyway as soon as I take it out for a spin. It doesn’t need to be perfectly clean. That’d be like showering before a morning training run. What’s the point?

I am a bit concerned that I’m oozing some sort of abnormal malignant fluid from my pores. Normally, sweat washes out of clothing right? I’ve tried googling “sweat stank”, “unwashable odors on running clothes”, and “unexplained shirt smells” to no avail. It seems I must be the only one with this issue. Though you don’t want to know what I found with the “unexplained shirt smells” search.

And it doesn’t happen to all of my clothes. Just this one. My Superman Underoos smell Downey fresh. My jock…well, I assume it’s clean. No need to push the envelope on this one. So, what happened to my favorite running shirt?

Could it be that I left it stewing away in its own “juices” for several hours (re: days) after a particularly perspirational (+5 for word invention) effort? Perhaps my shirt fibers and sweat bonded and formed a sort of evil super shirt Able to Offend All Wearers.

I blame Mrs. Nitmos. How could she let my moist, disgusting running clothes just sit in the dirty clothes basket while I enjoyed a nice, hot post run shower? Sheesh. I have to dirty the clothes AND clean them too? Seems a bit one-sided.

I’ve even tried the free sample size sport washes they give you at the race expos specifically created to wash stinky, sweaty clothes. They haven’t worked. No matter. I’m not going back to the local haberdasher (+3). I’ll be out rocking my North Face short sleeve running shirt this weekend. Unless you are running downwind, you won’t even know the difference.

Now, I need to get a paper towel. I really belched that one out. My monitor needs a little cleaning of its own. Got a little chin spittle to mop up also.

Happy trails.

Let it be known that my Word Snob Score will be immediately suspended once I obtain 100 points. I’ve clearly exhausted my limited supply of point-worthy words. I’ve noticed some commentator scoring as well and requests to subtract points. Banish the thought! I don’t want to start a kerfuffle (+4) here but many of you forget the most basic rule: I am always correct. You are wrong. Though you may think you can prove me wrong through some sort of “English grammar rule”, I can trump your rule with a little known Latinish rule you’ll never find in a text book. Don’t test me. If I say “Fungus, are Races’ by the by? Sacks of; clowns!” This is a correct sentence under a little known grammatical rule of which only I’m aware.

Check out:

-Kristina’s diarrhea…err, thoughts on runner’s diarrhea.

-Nancy’s 10k on the 10th results. I point this out as I’m Fred’s Favorite. Ignore Running Laminator and Reid. They clearly cheated.

Please vote to make sure Vanilla Slips n’ Slides. He deserves to be all wet.

Also congratulate Topher as he signed up for his first marathon and will attempt to answer the age old question, "Can man run a marathon fueled by donuts?"

Have a great weekend! I ‘ll be busy practicing my didgeridoo (+2).


Xenia said...

Your perpetual stank is like a very lame superhero power. You're the X-men version of Pig Pen. Be proud, stinky.

Marcy said...

Total bonus on race days. No one will want to be near you. Sweet!

Non-Runner Nancy said...

How about the steam cycle? That is my new best friend. Maybe the best thing since TiVo.

Thanks for the props. You clearly are the favorite.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the stanky clothes business.

You're a grammar snob? Who would have guessed.

You seem to have a bit of a problem with overuse of """quotation marks""", but other than that, I see no other errors. LOL

Have a great weekend, and yeah, blame everything on Mrs. Nitmos. :)

(ex English Teacher)

Viper said...

I just tell people I'm superstitious, but really I'm just too lazy to wash my running gear.

You and your didgeridoo and I and my banjo could form a band -- a terrible, terrible band.

Topher said...

thanks for the shout-out. the wind's from the North today, so your post explains the stench.

also, i was thinkin'. i think we should get to choose your next book when you finish Don Quixote. Since we're the ones that have to look at it for a year at a time, you should ask for our picks.

Kevin said...

Definitely wear that shirt on race day to literally kill the competition with your stanktastic shirt

Lily on the Road said...

I HAVE to stop reading you while I'm at work...the desk thumping, rollicking, boisterous laughter along with my tearing eyes, just give it away that I'm not really working!!!

Have a great weekend Mr. Stinky!!

Vanilla said...

Personally I think the word snob score needs to stay, otherwise you’re bordering on antidisestablishmentarianism.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Nitmos,

This entry does nothing for me. You don't know what runner's stink is until you wear the same cotton t-shirt to track practice everyday for nearly 3 months without washing it even once.

Did I feel like I got dumber for reading today's edition of "Life with Nitmos"? Perhaps a little.

Amy@RunnersLounge said...

I won't admit to the same problem, because then it would look like just you and I share it..

But..I have found WIN detergent (and sometimes a little OxyClean) does work really well on getting out the smell of hard work, persist, gut busting runs. So if you want to smell like a runner that hasn't worked really hard, give it a try.

Reid said...

Cheated, huh? You're just jealous that I can run almost as fast as you pushing a stroller. ;-)

That's the secret to my mile time. JK. Until yesterday I hadn't actually done anything to work on my mile but go out and run a mile (after a warm up of about a mile). Yesterday I did 4x400m at 1:15 each. That's the pace I'd need for a 5 minute mile. And it sure was tough. I'll give the mile another go next Tuesday morning (I'll give a little more detail when I post about it next Tuesday). I really don't know what I'm doing, but I figure any sort of speedwork will help me get faster, no matter what distance I am training for. I've actually got a 5k coming up in a few weeks, so we'll see if my training will help with that.

Russ said...

My running clothes are banned to the garage due to the stinkifacation factor.

P.O.M. said...

I think some materials (especially running clothing) just have an extra stink absorbing factor (or SAF, as scientists call it). There is no reverse process for SAF.

RazZDoodle said...

now you're making up words AND giving yourself points? You'll be at 100 points in no time at that rate.

MizFit said...

I swear it is the laundry which will drive me to entirely lose my sanity.

or stop exercising.

it's me or the hubby and I dont think he's gonna quit.

(ooh, or exercise nekid! there's a post topic for you. youre welcome :))


KimsRunning said...

Call me crazy but I L-O-V-E the smell of my husband's dirty gym clothes. When he comes in from a 2 hour ride all sweaty, I get a warm feeling in my belly. I suspect Mrs Nitmos feels the same way and your shirt smells beacause she isn't really washing it.

PS. the legal age to babysit is 12!! I just cut your wait time IN HALF!

Kristina said...

I like Topher's idea to pick your next book. I propose Irigiray's Speculum of the Other Woman. Just because I think some French psychoanalytic feminism would do wonders for your running.

thebets said...

Yeah....right Nitmos. Suuuurrrre, blame your choice of "pasties" on another poor soul. Maybe your stinky running shirt is protesting against your cartoon of choice?!?!

Jess said...

I heard if you pour some vinegar into the load of wash it helps with the stank...not sure how I feel about washing my clothes with vinegar, but if you test it out let us know how it works

Meg said...

Isn't the smell from bacteria? I don't want to know what is crawling along the fibers of that shirt. I suggest lots of hot water, maybe even some alcohol! Soaking in vodka could make for a mid-race pick-me-up while you're being a good spectator/friend next weekend!

sistrurus said...

Those high-tech fibers that make technical fabrics do all those miraculous things, such as wicking away sweat and making your children above average?

They're used in filters to absorb odors. And once they're absorbed there is almost no getting rid of the stink because fancy ionic adsorbtion holds it there.

There is something specially formulated to break up those chemical bonds, though.

Soak your offending garment with Febreze. Let it dry and then launder it. It might take more than one treatment. It should eventually come out smelling springtime fresh. And not just springtime in the goat pen.

L*I*S*A said...

I have a few offending garments myself. I always forget which ones those are until I put 'em on and head out the door.

By then, too little too late.

It becomes funk on the run.

Viv said...

Now I feel like a non runner. My clothes really don't stink. Then again maybe I just don't think my clothes don't stink.

Scott said...

An advantage to some over soiled stank clothing is that sometimes it takes on a life of it's own and can actually walk it's way over to you making it convenient for getting dressed. Hey as a parent every second of effeciency counts in a day.

PinkAsphaltMama said...

I concur (+2) on the vinegar. For some reason my bath towels were just nasty smelly, and no dosing with Downy, Febreze, Bounce or OxyClean helped. They were like this for YEARS.

1 cup of vinegar (put it in the bleach dispenser) and two cycles later (weekly cycles), fresh, NORMAL smelling towels.

I could have saved years of having to use stanky towels even though they were fresh from the dryer! And yes, it works on those high-SAF sport fabrics.

So, that's how we girls stay all fresh and dainty smelling at o'dark-thirty in the heat and humidity that plagues central Virginia.