Sunny. Breezy. 55 degrees. Perfect race weather.
I headed out the door with the trusty mp3 player and Garmin for one loop around my kids’ elementary school, both of the community middle schools, into town and back home. Total distance would actually be 6 1/3 mile but I’d shut down Garmin at 10k distance of 6.22 miles.
The plan was…actually I had no plan. I really was just going to enjoy a morning run and let the time come in wherever it came in at. I figured, as far as you knew, I ran 5 minute miles.
A couple of miles in, honesty took hold (re: competitive spirit) and I picked up the pace. Like last Thursday night’s run, I treated the final 3 miles as 800 repeats with an 800 not-so-relaxed pace in between.
I did have some issues with Nancy’s aid stations. At the first one (1.5 mile mark), I reached out for the station workers cup and discovered it was hot coffee (and his GU packet was really a danish). Weird. And the profane shouts were hardly encouraging. (Note: Calling me “Jackass” never makes me run faster.) At the second (3.0 mile mark), my first thoughts were ‘okay, never received hydration through a baby bottle before.’ And never had an aid worker calling himself the “father” come up behind me and rain blows down on my head. However, this did, in fact, make me run faster.
Mile breakdown: 7:05, 7:00, 7:02, (turn on competitive juices here…outrun aid station worker named “father”) 6:34, 6:36, 6:30.
Again, no macings. No dog bites. Another successful run! I have never done a 10k before so this will now be my baseline for work at this distance (I should have gone slower so I could pretend that I am making huge improvements in the future.)
Plus, I did get an unexpected award! I have a cute little baby bottle with little teddy bears on it sitting on my shelf.
Afterwards, my ego was deflated as only your own children can do. My 6 year old daughter wanted to go for a run with me. I needed a cool down anyhow so, what the heck. So, we’re running along and I’m giving her a few tips on form, etc. I made a critical error though. I said, “Here, watch me. You should run like this.” To which, she replied “oh, okay” and proceeded to flail her arms and legs around like she was going in to some sort of epileptic fit. Jerk. She found that really funny. I found it really funny when I took her favorite My Little Pony away for the rest of the day.
Not sure from where she gets her sarcasm.
I should have known. Runners are too uplifting. Too friendly. Too encouraging. Too decent. Basically, too not me.
In my last post, I implanted a purposeful little shoe pebble hoping to burrow into your sole and spark some outrage and a few indignant comments. After all, who cares what a runner looks like? Who cares what anybody looks like (except that monster looking thing from The Goonies. That was, in fact, pretty weird looking)? Leave it to all of you to take the high road. I can’t drag any of you down into the mud?
Rest assured, this won’t be the last attempt. I will provoke some outrage at some point. Another shoe pebble will roll your way in the future. This time, step on it, get angry, and let loose.
Stop being so damn encouraging.
And when I make a crack about drinkable Crisco, I expect indignation…not an inquiry for directions to the store.