Desperately Seeking Susan

In this case “Susan” is “spectator cheering advice” but I thought Desperately Seeking Spectator Cheering Advice came across as a bit of a clunky title. So, I opted for the shorter title followed by the longer, never-ending post title explanation. Good choice?

Plus, I wanted to get a reference to 80’s era Madonna into a post. Not 21st century muscle toned, mother of two (or three?) Madonna but the slightly pudgy, perm haired, lace skirt over jogging pants Maddie from 20 odd years ago. God bless her. Keep on rocking out those skin tights!

Over Memorial Weekend, I’ll be attending my first marathon purely as a spectator. Frankly, I’m pretty excited about it. Fellow Steers LDP members Mike and Lisa (and non-blogger Steer B.R.) will be hitting the pavement at the Bayshore Marathon in Traverse City, Michigan. This is the race I BQ’ed at last spring. It’s a beautiful, mostly flat down and back course along the Grand Traverse peninsula – if the weather is right, which it was last year. Otherwise, it’s a hellacious, soul-ripping wind tunnel with sideways driving rain pelting you into submission on a lonely, amaranthine (+10) road. (You’re welcome guys!) Here’s to the former! Cuz if it’s the latter, you won’t see my butt out there cheering you on.

Having never spectated a marathon before, I’m seeking your input on the best ways to cheer on the runners. What works best? I know what works for me when I’m racing. However, I refuse to go topless. Or wear pasties. So, I’ll need to come up with something else.

Some ideas:

- Cold beer. Not for the runners. Screw them. I could use a few and I suspect they’d enjoy seeing someone drinking beer while they’re running.
- Slather a piece of board with Vaseline for the runners to rub on their chafed nipples. Stationed right before the event photographer. Oh, and its not really Vaseline but Icy Hot with sprinkled Tabasco instead.
- Constantly shout out “Way to go, Sisyphus!” What? Too obscure?
- Set up a water and banana table but place a clear glass box over it. Laugh hysterically as they crush knuckles frantically trying to get to the refreshments.
- Remind them they have a long, long, long way to go and the really hard part is still to come…no matter where I’m at on the course.
- Trick runners into giving me their mp3’s or iPods by placing a box out and announcing ‘last chance to turn in your mp3’s or face disqualification’. Pawn them at local store before race finishes.

I don’t know. Maybe these aren’t good ideas. In fact, as I reread the list, it seems like they are more like self serving ideas for my amusement.

On to signage. I’ve seen some good ones while running. Real motivating and inspiring messages to all or specific runners. You didn’t think I’d come up with any of those, did you?

- “Your Shorts Make You Look Fat.”
- “The Kenyans Are Already Done. You Lost.”
- “Run Like The Police Are Chasing You.”
- For this one, I need to convince Mrs. Nitmos to stand next to me with a sack tied around her head and her arms/legs bound while I hold a sign saying “I Have Your Grandma. Set a PR or You’ll Never See Her Again.”
- “You Look Very, Very Tired. Give Up.”
- “The Pain WON’T Go Away At The Finish.”
- “Maybe This Sport’s Not For You.”
- “They Are Selling the Finishers Medal at 7-11 for $5. I Already Have One.”
- “There’s Still A Chance You Won’t Finish.”

For you F.M.S regulars, you’ll appreciate this:

- “I Could Read Don Quixote Quicker Than You Run This Race.”

I’ll be out there somewhere on the course with some kind of sign and, possibly, provisions. If you have better ideas than those above, let me hear ‘em. Otherwise, I may just go with my own.

I may run a portion of the last 6 miles or so in with Mike based on hearing “the word” from him. I’m happy to do so. I’m also happy to tackle other runners if they get in his way. This may require more than “the word” though…maybe something more along the lines of “bail money”. Mike is looking to set a PR of his own. I think he will.

Happy trails.
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To all you folks jeering on my reading ability, I am in fact finally close to finishing Don Quixote. It's a grind. The book has made me easily distracted. Look there's a piece of dust floating in the air....oh, wait, what page was I on? I may leave the book showing to the right though after I've finished it just out of spite.

I also finished reading about the FIRST method and Run Less, Run Faster last night. I haven't decided yet if I'll bless you with a book review which, no doubt, would be the absolute bee's knee's! (Please help me in bringing back this old adage. Look how fun it was to read it!)