Over The Bridge and Through The Tunnel...

...to the Detroit finish line we go!

I won’t further defile Lydia Maria Child’s song by contorting it beyond recognition. At least, not until the end of this post. See her much more enjoyable version here.

Three days until the Detroit Marathon and my whitehead is coning up nicely. This sucker should be fun to pop. I can feel the pressure behind it…the flesh circling it is a nice deep shade of red. Like a sunburn. Oh, yes, this is a gusher. On a completely separate note, has anyone ever popped someone else’s back whitehead with their teeth? I’ve always wondered that.

I’ve been blog MIA the last few days. My employer continues their stubborn insistence on “deadlines” and “non marathon related work”. Like, dude, chill out. Have a seat…pass the dutchie on the left hand side* man…

I’m looking forward to this marathon. Michigan is my home state. Detroit is the queen city of this state. Sure, the Queen might be a little elderly, loaded up with shingles, dementia, and wearing a cubic zirconium crown but, still, she’s the Queen. The coolest aspect of this race is that it progresses into Windsor, Ontario across the Ambassador Bridge after mile 3. We spend 4 lovely miles along the Canadian waterfront. I guess this would be the time to blow out a knee and enjoy deductible free health care.** And then returning to the U.S. after mile marker 8 in the underwater tunnel. In fact, this mile long tunnel provides you a certificate with your timed “Underwater Mile”. Okay, that’s kinda cool, but I fear it’ll just goad me into unwisely speeding up at mile 9 just so my certificate can record a pretty number.

Also, I don’t think Garmin is going to like being in a tunnel. Under water. For a mile. I’m sure there will be some frantic resetting going on after emerging back on the U.S. side.

After the bridge/tunnel double international border crossing, we are treated to the sights, sounds, smells of greater Detroit. Now, this might be a chance for a less sympathetic blogger to make a bunch of cheap jokes at Detroit’s expense. Fortunately, I’m often referred to as one the least sympathetic person anyone knows. So, let’s proceed:

There have been reports of shoe jackings in this marathon. Poor unfortunate runners left standing shoeless up on cement blocks on the side of the road. Sad really.

And the biggest threat to the race is the caravan of folks fleeing to live in the suburbs. Hopefully, we’ll get a break in the wagon train to pass the marathon through.

This might be the only marathon going where you need The Club for your Gu pocket.

I kid, I kid. Actually, Detroit has taken a lot of lumps over the years from the press, lingering public perception, recent mayoral scandals, and unsympathetic jerk bloggers. The Queen is bloodied and staggered but trying to rise from the canvas. Give her a break, people, there’s a lot of good folks and good things happening downtown. We Michiganders *** like to think she’s on the rebound.

This taper has been fantastic as far as tapers go. I’ve rested. I’ve tuned up with a few fast miles on some shorter runs. I’ve become increasingly agitated. I’ve fantasized about my post race spooning celebration with Mrs. Nitmos. I ran over the neighbor cat with the lawn mower. Yes, everything a taper should be, this one has been.

Let’s get it on!

Over the bridge and through the tunnel
Now the finish line I spy!
Hurrah for the fun! Is the race done?
Hurrah, I feel like I’m going to die!

Happy trails.

* Is there anything sweeter than a bunch of children singing about drug abuse?
** I’m not making any political statements here. Just an observation for the sake of humor. Save your commentary.
*** Yes, we really call ourselves that. Or Michiganians. The debate rages.