Will We Put Anything Up Our Nose?

So now Ray Lewis has to answer questions about putting deer antler velvet spray up his nose to promote healing from a torn right triceps. And, possibly, improve performance (as it is a growth hormone as well.) Problem is…the substance is banned by the NFL. Is it a big deal? I don’t know. I don’t really care, I guess. There are technicians in lab coats and bureaucrats in suits that’ll decipher test results and make a verdict or, in this case, issue a punishment.

I’m more interested in how this stuff comes about.

Who the hell looked at a deer and decided to snort their antlers? Seriously. It’s such a random thing to do. I admit to being more than casually interested in a libidinous bull or a particularly fluffy lamb hindquarters but that seems only natural. I never once looked at a deer and wondered how it’s antlers would be if inhaled.

Oh, yeah, can't wait to inhale you, baby.

It seems folks will do almost anything to get a physical edge in athletics. If that involves injecting drugs or hormones, snorting deer, or rubbing turtle shells on the groin*, someone somewhere will do it. What’s the old saying? If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’, (eh, Alabama?)

Maybe they’ll come out with Deer Velvet Gu one day. For now, I’ll stick with my finger, my nose hair trimmer, model glue, and the odd occasion I have some cocaine, mixed with a hooker’s ass sweat, as the only things going up my nose.

For you injured marathoners, time to get out the bow and let the healing begin! No judging from me.

Happy snorting.

* No proven results so far but I’m still in early testing.
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Please to join me over at Bottle Fed Parents for another exciting tale. This time, I discuss a torture device that every kid wants but every parent hates.