Friday, February 22, 2013

Sans Treadmill

I feel like I think I’m just cool enough to get away with saying “sans” a lot. I know you are all snorting and snarkily declaring that I am “sans cool.” But I am sans a fuck about what you all think.

We are in the middle of another snow dump today but prior to that I had managed to get three consecutive runs off the treadmill and back out on the cold, hard ground in the past week. Whenever I’ve spent too much time on the mill (which, prior to this winter, was rarely), I usually hit the ground going way too fast because it just feels too damn good. Sans proper pacing, I end up limbo running what was meant to be an easy pace, maintenance run. Yesterday’s five miler culminated in a last mile of 6:11. Considering I had started around a 7:15 pace and had planned an even tempo run, you can see I was sans discipline.

Screw it. It’s so nice to be back on the road in (relatively) firm footing where a forward tilt actually means something other than that I might hit the front of a treadmill, slide backwards into the wall, and miss the end of Cougar Town in an unconscious haze while the whirring belt scrapes uninterruptedly across my drooling cheek...

As nice as it was to be back on the road, as Beardsley gives, he also takes away. My beloved stretchy bands – that I just waxed poetic about in the last post – snapped in my hands Wednesday night. When stretchy bands fail – and they always eventually fail – they can’t just tear unassumingly. No, they got to make a BIG production out of it. Always during butterfly curls…when your fists are up near your throat like JFK after the first shot…SNAP!...you punch yourself in the nose and the detached end whiplashes out and strikes your dog in the hind quarters where she lets out a yelp and scampers across the room into a table, knocking over orange pop onto the carpet.

So now I am sans stretchy bands. Dusting iron is becoming even more imperative.

Tonight is soccer night. We’ll see how that speedy last mile feels on the hamstring when I slide across synthetic turf in a few hours. I’d hate to be sans hamstring.

This weekend’s long run may or may not be on the mill. We’ll see how the snow plows do their job and Mother Beardsley conspires to make things difficult. If I have to go back on the mill, I’ll do it like I always do: Sans balls.

Happy trails.
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Why don’t you all settle a little dispute around the Nitmos home? I have very strong feeling on this matter. It is a source of conflict between Mrs. Nitmos and I. It usually involves one of us turning the roll around to “fix” the proper direction of the roll dispensary. Tell me in the comments which photo below – left or right – is the proper way to put on your toilet paper. I don’t want to overemphasize but…you may be responsible for the happiness of our marriage based on your response.  There's a correct way and then there's a way animals do it.


25 comments:

Viper said...

The inevitable stretchy band snap is the worst. Scary AND painful.

As to the toilet paper: Left is the correct answer. Right leads to long trails of toilet paper hanging low, while the correct answer is tidy.

Turi Becker said...

Left. I shudder to look at the photo on the right.

Christine Ashby said...

Left. no discussion.

Xenia said...

Right. I'm a heathen apparently.

Dave 'Beer Maven' Evans said...

Left, definitely left.

Shevaun said...

I like to have a little mystery in my life and put the TP on the roller in a random manner. Drives my husband crazy.

Thomas said...

Left! The other is just wrong!

David said...

Until reading this post, i was sans sans. Thanks so much.

Left, obviously.

Running In Boise said...

Right. Just because 80% of the people prefer left.

Anna said...

Left! Only savages do it the way on the right. My husband is a savage, as we too have this same constant battle. I suggest just getting your own bathroom.

T said...

Obviously the left. Because of course.

That said, I have a simple solution for your problem: a locking toilet paper roll (or at least one that's harder to change). Were I at a friend's house and I saw that situation on the right, I would feel compelled to change it, given how easy it is with that dispenser to just slip the roll off and turn it around the right (left) way.

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland said...

I know it is supposed to be the left, but I just put it on however and deal with the consequences.

Beth (@RunTraveler) said...

LEFT.
There is no other option.

Mats said...

Left is right, and right is wrong, which doesnt make left any less right, but still makes right very wrong.

Char said...

I have to go against the tide and vote right. But hey, I come from the land downunder where water swirls around the sink in the opposite direction.

Jamoosh said...

Left reflects the appropriate installation of the toilet paper roll. However, keep in mind Beardsley would also claim left.

Cezanne said...

Left side, over the roll is the way to go!

Running Through Phoenix said...

The roll sits atop the counter next to the commode or on the tank behind the commode. Do NOT use a tp "holder" at all.

Chris said...

Right - I feel sad for those delusional people who selected left.

Anonymous said...

Left

Trent (Scott) Lorcher said...

The right way is clearly the right picture. It provides for ergonomic clumping of the toilet paper as your hand assumes the wiping position.

Glad I could help.

Debra Laforest said...

Well I used to be a righty (underneath), but... my hubs told me I was wrong and now the family is a left (over the top!) This is a funny topic and it seems like there is a lot of family controversy over it. Hope it works out for you!

Have you seen the image by Run The Edge? It might help....

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/c67.0.403.403/p403x403/11007_520771301307256_1200318920_n.png

Elizabeth said...

Is it wrong that I never even notice which way the toilet paper roll goes on? I am always just happy when someone else actually puts the roll of toilet paper on the actual toilet paper thingy, because I, for whatever reason, have a hard time doing that. As for the stretchy band face punch, OOF, but very funny. I am liking that mental image.

Rain said...

left, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you like it how it is on the right. Poor poor Miss nitmos!

what is RIGHT said...

I hope I'm not too late to participate on the happiness of the marriage but I believe the RIGHT way is the one on the left. My second option would be the animal way which is no toilet paper.