Thursday, May 03, 2012

Grief Bacon

There are very few times in life when Meredith Viera can teach you something useful so, when those times occur, you must pay attention, sit still, and learn well.  It’s a moment that arises only occasionally like Haley’s comet or a clever quip from Ryan Seacrest.  A month or so ago, while watching the last few minutes of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire (don’t ask me why and, yes, it is still on the air), a question about the definition of the German word “kummerspeck” came up.  The dramatic music and flashing lights centered on the contestant but they might as well have been directed at me sitting on my couch in my onesie (hey, they are still comfortable – don’t judge) and eating a bag of Cheetos.  I had to know this word.

Kummerspeck!  I didn’t care what it meant; this was going to become part of my regular vocabulary.  I’d make room for it by getting rid of “irregardless”.  Irregardless isn’t a word.  It’s just “regardless” and it’s one of my pet peeves when people say “irregardless”.  Since I don’t say “irregardless” – again, because it isn’t a word – it would be easy to jettison.   I have room for exactly 20,124 words in my vocabulary no matter how useful some of them are to me.*

Here’s the best part:  Kummerspeck paid off with an even more awesome definition!

Composed of Kummer (“grief”) and Speck (“bacon”).
Kummerspeck m. (genitive singular Kummerspecks)
  1. (uncountable) Excess weight gained due to emotional overeating.
Retrieved from ""

Are you FREAKING kidding me?  GRIEF BACON?!?  Jackpot!  If you thought I had a blog post written two seconds after seeing this and before I could wipe four orange finger stripes across my onesie, you’d be correct!

Grief bacon still tastes delicious!
I snuck the use of kummerspeck into my last post.  Twice.  I was fishing for any recognition.  Viper latched right on like, well, a snake with fangs.  B.O.B. exhibited less patience and just came right out and asked.

You know how in movies they show a jilted lover grabbing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to comfort themselves?  Kummerspecking!  Or on The Biggest Loser a contestant – or eight – have the sad story about an injury or a family death that caused inactivity, depression, overeating and rapid weight gain?  Grief bacon!  Kummerspeck! 

I love the word and you’ll see it deployed often in the future on this blog so learn it now.

However, truth be told, I do take a small issue with its construction.  Grief.  Bacon.  These are two words that don’t really belong together.  If I were to word cloud these words, grief is sad, unhappy, melancholy, sullen.  Bacon is delicious, happy, food group, and orgasmic.  Therefore, grief bacon is an oxymoron.  It seems almost criminal to associate bacon with something sad.  Bacon is what a PR tastes like if it had a flavor.  Bacon is like an age group award.  Heck, bacon would be a wonderful age group award.  In fact, a big plate of bacon would make me skip the race entirely.  But would I be kummerspecking?  Not according to the big greasy smile on my face.

Grief bacon is like saying ‘holocaust hors d’oeuvres’ or ‘cremation candy’ or ‘Budweiser beer’ – a horrible thing matched with a delicious thing.

Plus, why should a depressed fatty get sole use of this super cool word?

From now on, I’m considering any successful run, any PR, any age group award, ANY happy occasion to be a freudigenspeck.  There, I've created a new word for you.  Bacon should associate with a celebration.  In kummerspeck, it’s running with the wrong crowd.

You can kummerspeck over a DNF or a ripped hamstring or you can freudigenspeck your bacon-flavored PR.  It’s your classic bacon is half empty vs. half full philosophy.

For once, I was thankful for Meredith Viera and WWTBAM irregardless how ridiculous the show can be.  Without it, would I know to suggest that the eviscerated soccer team from this past weekend was engaging in kummerspecking?  And would I be able to use it in a blog post so that you may learn it too?  No.  And that would make me a kummernitmos.**


I also have an issue with Alzheimer’s disease.  I mean, the disease is bad enough but how hard is it to say – and remember – "Alzheimer’s"?  My boss continually says “Old Timers” when she means “Alzheimers”, as in ‘I forgot the data for the presentation today – must be my Old Timers kicking in!’ Har Har.  Fortunately my exasperated sigh is disguised by the lame chuckles from the brown nosing employees.  It’s ALZHEIMER’S and you sound like a fool when you say “Old Timers’. /endofrant

**Das ist, was sie sagte!


Thomas said...

It's Freudenspeck, not freudigenspeck, which is grammatically wrong. Obviously.

Nitmos said...

Sorry, my translator says freudenspeck is "joy bacon" but I wanted "happy bacon", thus freudigenspeck.

Sun Runner said...

Germans have the best words. Schadenfreude! Weltschmerz! Fahrvergn├╝gen!

I get fahrvergn├╝gen every day because I drive a Volkswagen.

Viper said...

I love that Germans just mash two words together to make new words, whereas we have to use a hyphen. I hate hyphens. Disirregardless, griefbacon makes total sense. Because I'm sad (perhaps from watching a sixhour documentary on the Holocaust), I will eat something delicious to make me happy. Cheers!

Rain said...

I don't want a PR if it tastes like bacon

David said...

Maybe its just me (OK, its just me), but I perplexed that you apologize for the German grammatical error when you treat the English like a cheap date?

And thanks for taking the high road and calling out Bud and leaving PBR in its blue-ribbon-winning peace.

Spike said...

How can bacon ever be sad? Also, how many pigs were killed to make the picture?

Elizabeth said...

My mother calls it Alz-timers, which is annoying. Cheetohs are the perfect food.

Drea said...

Nitmos, das ist sehr komisch. Ha! Ha! Ha! Why just this morning while pounding out my tempo down along Cabrillo, I caught the delightful waft of speck and stated out loud to no one in particular, "Hmmmm bacon."

Let's put it this way, my daughter thinks that Thanksgiving is "Bacon Day."

Al's CL Reviews said...

That is just a great word.

Beth (i run like a girl) said...

Why, oh why, did I quit after 2 semesters of college German? Just think of the bacon I could have guilt-eaten!