Runner's Bill of Rights: Proposed Amendments

What better way to celebrate the country’s birthday than remembering the folks that brought us independence. Who can forget General Washington commanding the continental army to a series of near defeats a more aggressive opposing general would have destroyed in months? Way to Outwit, Outlast, Outplay. Or diminutive Constitution pimper James Madison. Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Ghandi, and John Wayne Gacy: American Revolutionary heroes, one and all.

I was thinking about creating a Runner’s Bill of Rights for today’s post in honor of the 4th of July. But, man, that’s a lot of thought and work. I’m still swamped at work and, although this isn’t a paycheck week, I still feel some obligation to get a few things done.

So, theoretically, if there WAS a Runner’s Bill of Rights, I’d like to propose a few amendments. I know you are thinking 'but, wait, you just said there isn't actually a Runner's Bill of Rights'. Way to Read for Understanding. And shut up. These proposals shouldn’t be too controversial. No need for another rousing “Give me Liberty or Give me Death!” speech by Abraham Lincoln.

First, iPods, mp3’s, cassette players and small boom boxes should be allowed during all races. Enough of this crap about insurance companies not allowing them for safety reasons. Has anyone ever had an incident with a headphone wearing runner during a race? I’ve never read an account of one online nor had an experience myself. I can still hear everything going on around me over the soothing tunes of Olivia Newton John’s Greatest Hits. No problems. I can get Physical and stay out of everyone’s way at the same time. The next time I get all up in someone’s Xanadu due to headphones will be the first time. Besides, if some oblivious jackhole gets in my way, I’ll just knock him over. Olivia makes me crazy mad like a rabid cheetah. I believe the ban on 8 tracks, for coolness reasons, and turn tables, for logistical reasons, should remain however.

Second, I propose runner’s have right of motion on all sidewalks and country roads through out the U.S. without scorn or ridicule. We should not suffer disgusted looks from Four Across sidewalk meanderers annoyed by our ‘coming on the left’ warnings. And to the dog walkers, yes, I know he’s real cute and all but, guess what, I don’t want him scratching at my legs as I run by. Trying to keep a pace here. Keep him on a short leash, buddy. I dare you to Make A Move On Me. I’ll give you a Heart Attack. However, those of you who choose to run on a busy road even though there is a perfectly acceptable sidewalk 10 feet to your right: You are on your own. Go ahead and take your life in your hands. The next coffee spill by a driver may find you diving into a bramble of bushes to save your life. This amendment will not protect you. I believe that falls under the Darwin Theory.

If we can get ¾ ratification, these amendments will become law.

Feel free to add you own amendments. Perhaps we can truly create our own Runner’s Bill of Rights.

This should be easier than Churchill’s charge up San Juan Hill to corner the British at Yorktown.

Happy trails. And have a safe 4th.
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Did anyone catch Nick Symmonds final charge in the men’s 800 meter Olympic qualifier in Eugene, Oregon Monday night? I was watching it as a repeat last evening and it almost made me head right outside to hit some 800’s. Stirring. If I didn’t have a mouth full of Rice Krispy Treats at the time, I might have done just that. The dude was running 7th of 8 runners with about 150 meters left and found a seam, took off to the outside, and put on a finishing kick unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He went from near last to blowing away the field in the final turn and straightaway. Impressive. Now, time for a urine sample young man.

Bring on the Olympics!
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Speaking of 800's, I was a bit disappointed with my own Tuesday night. Went out a bit fast and struggled to maintain under the heat of the late afternoon sun. I'm looking for consistent 2:50 or under pace.

5 x 800 (w/ 400 meter relaxed cooldown):

2:46
2:55
2:54
2:55
2:54

Crap.