It’s election day in America. The day when our employers refuse to allow us time off to stand in line for hours in the rain and cast a ballot that will be immediately invalidated due to a voting machine snafu. Third world!
Though I’ve received no emails or phone calls, I firmly believe most of you are waiting for me to tell you who to vote for. And the answer? Nitmos, of course. Write me in. If you didn’t anticipate that answer, clearly you haven’t read this blog very closely. The only thing that eclipses the size of my ego is my rather impressive James Madisons. There is, in fact, a third party candidate on the ballot that shares my real last name. Don’t vote for that guy. Write in Nitmos. Everyone will know who you mean.
As president, I promise to federally subsidize chip timing for all races that don’t have a budget for it.
I promise to raise your taxes only if I decide to head overseas to run the Berlin or London marathon. I’ll need some cash.
I vow to allow 2 hours during every work day to complete a run. Employers who refuse will be required to perform 8x800 speed work sessions until they get back with the program.
I promise to abolish Fig Newtons at a race finish line. Ever try to swallow those things with a dry mouth? It’s criminal.
A do nothing president like George Washington will be replaced on the dollar bill by Steve Prefontaine. A “buck” will become a “Pre”. It’ll now cost 8 Pre’s to go to the movies.
I vow to be the fastest U.S. president on record. I know Woodrow Wilson had great “hops” but he had no kick.
If these are some of things you are looking for, you know what to do. Send my Asics to the White House. I put Running First. I am the Fartleks We Need. Let’s get this country running again!
Need further convincing? I’ve had both a phrenological study and a craniometrical study done on my skull. My phrenology compares favorably with Teddy Roosevelt. And my craniometry is a precise match to our favorite non-successive president Grover Cleveland! Combine that with my Madisons’ and you got yourself an impressive Frankenpresident.
Now, go do your civic duty. Vote Nitmos!
We had a wonderful 60 degree Halloween night here in the middle of lower Michigan (the so called “mitten”.) My filly dressed as Violet, the Incredible. My colt started out with a rubber evil old man mask. He borrowed one of my over sized shirts to complete his costume. Later in the evening, I passed his group as we were walking our filly around. His mask was off so he was basically just walking around in my shirt. I said, “hey, where’s your costume? Nobody is going to know what you are.” He replies,”I’m going as a hobo.”
I chuckle. Walk on…then realize he just insulted me. He’s wearing only my shirt and says he’s going as a….hobo?
I need new clothes.
Great job by the Running Laminator on an amazing 3:02 NYC Marathon! I'll need to nominate him as my Secretary of Kick Assedness once in office.