Monday, November 17, 2008

I Lost My Long Run At The Casino

I don’t know how but I left the casino Saturday night with fewer Andrew Jackson adorned bills in my pocket and missing my long run. However, my mortgage, car payment and wedding ring are still with me so, at least, all was not lost.

Mrs. Nitmos and I escaped to the cooler confines of northern Michigan this weekend with some friends * to enjoy time away from the kids, a warm, swirling hot tub, lots of drink, and gambling. Basically, all of the things we tell the kids NOT to do when they are within earshot.** Oh, the simple joys of eating a meal without drinks being spilled, forks clattering to the ground, looking at colored doodles on the kids menu, and escorting a bladder-challenged child to the restroom while your salmon cools at the table. Heaven, really.

My right ass muscle is refusing to relax ever since the Detroit Marathon four weeks ago. It’s not preventing me from running. It’s just sore enough where I spend the first mile of each run silently threatening it with a foam roller if it doesn’t get back on board soon. I’m hoping the heat and percolating bubbles from the hotel hot tub have done it some good. If not, then certainly the copious amount of rum consumed on the trip must have done something for it.

Saturday night, in a smoke filled, loud, and obnoxiously lighted casino, I tested my luck. My daughter’s medical bills from her seizure several weeks ago have just started to roll in. I did what any sane, pragmatic father in charge of a family budget would do. I tried to parlay the money from my meager paycheck into a fortune! I can win, I can win! I have a “system.”

An hour later, we emerged from the casino defeated. It didn’t take long to spit us out the door with our pockets turned inside out and our pride stripped off of us like Peter Pan’s shadow and tossed into a pile somewhere in a dark backroom. Let me tell you, friends, the casino has the odds in their favor. I did not know that. The billboards and glittery lights make it seem like they are just anxious to give their money away. Who knew? It’s almost as if the odds are stacked against you before you even walk in there. Hmmpf. Surprising.

We coasted back home Sunday on fumes. We managed to scrape just enough cash from the children’s wallets to buy a few necessities: a few gallons of gas and a six pack of beer for later.

I had every intention of hitting my Sunday long run. Penniless and no doubt still circulating the booze from the previous evening in my bloodstream, a nice long run in the cold, wet snowy weather still sounded good. Besides, the kids’ complaints about their “stolen” birthday money were getting real tiresome. It’s not like they didn’t get a ride home in the car too. And I already promised them the refund fee from the bottles of beer to split. What more do they want?

It was then that I noticed the desire for the long run was simply not there. It was gone. I had lost it at the casino. I must have wagered it that time when I had a 15 but needed to flip a 6 or less and busted with an 8. The casino has my long run. Along with my pride and money. It’s probably propped up in the same dark backroom next to someone else’s long cycle ride and another’s pool laps.

Maybe I’ll return with a future pay check and try to win it back.

Once I realized the long run was gone, I thought the best thing to do was to sow seeds of doubt now about the kids’ future college plans. I sat them down and explained to my colt and filly how money floats in and out of Daddy’s life and that you can never count on him having it when you most need it. I might need to pay bills. I might need to register for a race (and, of course, buy new running shoes.) I might try to compound their college fund in one evening of alcohol-soaked decisions made before the turn of a card. And they need to understand that sometimes Daddy will win. Sometime he’ll lose. In fact, usually, he’ll lose.

But he’ll lose more than your college fund. He’ll lose his long run too.

And this is just as fair for you as it is for him.

Happy trails.


* I have some. Really. Well, okay, they might really be more of Mrs. Nitmos’ friends that tolerate me hanging around, I guess.
** Except murder. We didn’t do that. Unless you mean the way we killed the liquor. We killed that real good.

27 comments:

Marcy said...

Oy, don't EVEN get me started on the BR bit. Without fail we have to go right when the food gets on the table, go through the motions, and . . . . . "I guess I didn't have to go Mom" WTF?!?! You little sheet!

Let the casino have that long run ;-)

Vanilla said...

If you bet your long run while playing black jack and you hit black jack (for which the casino usually pays 2 to 1) does that mean your long run is going to be twice as long as usual? Because how would you be considered the winner in that situation?

Turi said...

Weird. I live in Reno, and my long runs usually take me PAST casinos. Living here, though, you never go in them...

Vava said...

I really thought they'd have started setting up casinos inside hospitals down there by now... Good luck on finding your long run, and of course continued health and wellbeing to your daughter.

Viv said...

I personally can't think of any place better to leave your long run. If you could have left with a few more Jacksons though it would have been nice.

LOL @ Mrs. Nitmos friends that tolerate you. So silly

This post almost made me want to go to the casino. I don't go for a while then I go and come back with no fun money in my purse and it hits me like a ton of bricks why I have not been in sooooo long.

X-Country2 said...

Let the casino have the long run. It'll throw it back. Long runs are too high-maintainance like that.

*aron* said...

sounds like a fun well deserved weekend :) the casino can have that run... you will get another one back!

Blyfinn said...

Dang casinos. They suck the life out of ya. Glad you have your kids to take money from. Where else could we so easily find cash.

Viper said...

You're such a role model.

chia said...

Wow that's trippy, I thought I commented... but I hadn't... I wonder whose site I just posted that on LOL... brb.

Melissa said...

Hm. The only time I ever went to a casino (Vegas) I won $1200. My husband jumped for joy--"Now we can stay another day!" My response, "We are getting out of here as fast as we can."

Sarah said...

There's no way I could run in Vegas. Too distracted by all the pretty lights.

Lily on the Road said...

What sort of fun was it if you didn't drop your cutlery and spill a few drinks on Mrs. Nitmos?

Kids these days expect so much, you should have taken them and left them outside the casino with a guitar case...now THEY may have made some money! LMAO...

Topher said...

Very, very funny post. What makes it even funnier is the fact that you're currently reading "The Life and Legend: Doc Holliday." Perhaps you haven't gotten to the gambling chapters yet. Otherwise, you'd probably still have those Jacksons in your pocket and your pride as a father intact. Well, enjoy your Monday!

Ms. V. said...

cute post.

i love casinos.

tfh said...

Well, maybe someone else more in need of it won your long run later in the evening. (Maybe Melissa?)

Chad in the Arizona Desert said...

"Oh, the simple joys of eating a meal without drinks being spilled, forks clattering to the ground, looking at colored doodles on the kids menu..."
----------
I'm sorry, I thought you said YOU went to dinner?

Amanda said...

you crack me up..I have to wonder a little about the tight butt cheek..maybe unloading the wallet will fix that.

Xenia said...

Dad, is that you?

Two Left Feet said...

i like lights and shiny objects...

Ovens2Betsy said...

The next time your colt & filly complain about daddy spending his money on booze and gambling, just tell 'em to read "Angela's Ashes." You'll look like a saint next to that father!

KimsRunning said...

I just LOVE blackjack! I'm happy to play for a few hours and walk away with what I sat down with.

Ted said...

I have a wonderful suggestion for you. It works! Put your entire saving, your 401(K) and other investment/fundings and put it on the red spot at the roulette table. I guaranteed that you will double everything. You will thank me!

Marci said...

LOL at Ted's suggestion. Hope you glute feels better soon.

The Laminator said...

You can bet your 'long run'? Hmmm...interesting. I'll have to remember that when I'm done in Vegas next month for the LV marathon. Thanks for the tip.

aham23 said...

dude you lasted longer in that place then i would have. i blow my load in 10 minutes almost every time......at the casino. later.

Marathon Me said...

Always bet your long run on Black.

I saw Wesly Snipes do this in a movie and he said it was a good idea, and since he is much bigger than I am, I usually listen.