Friday, February 18, 2011

Podium Post #3: Fat is Phat!

I mentioned last week, before my lame thumbcuff joke(sorry for that), that I would like to feature a blog post that I found on the blogwaves that is either funny or interesting or funresting or interfunny or some fractional combination of funny and interesting. Actual percentage of each doesn’t matter as long as it is gluten-free. Now I realize this is a bit pretentious. This assumes that (a) You care what I find funny/interesting (b) The blog writer cares that I featured them and gave them an inappropriately-named award and (c) That you haven’t already read it anyhow because their blog is probably way more popular than mine, for obvious reasons.

Despite all these good reasons not to do it, I’m going to do it anyway. I still own Enron stock.

I didn’t highlight Podium Posts #1 and #2 as I should have but they are tucked into the bottom of my inane ramblings here and here if you care to backtrack.

This week’s recipient of the coveted P.P. is Charlotte from The Great Fitness Experiment. I think the title alone earned a nomination: “Which is Worse: Being Called “Fat” or “Whore”?” Then, throw in a picture of Jesus on a piece of toast and, well, you got a winner! You know my rule: If you can combine fat, whore, and Jesus toast into a single blog post without coming off as blasphemous, the world is your piano and the rest of us are merely differently colored, and sized keys.

Charlotte makes a number of interfunny observations about pop culture and the current discrimination towards the fat. It’s going to be tough to make my usual sophomoric (heck, eighth graderic?) jokes about such an erudite post but, as mentioned, I’m willing to press on and embarrass myself for your benefit.

I’ll link you to read it yourself. It’s pretty phat!

Choice quote #1:

“…publicly pillorying fat people is the modern equivalent of sending away a
pregnant teen until her shame resolves itself. There is a new scarlet letter in
town: it's spelled XXL.”

She even bravely includes a photo of two larger-than-average humans enjoying a ride on a stressed scooter. Of course, she points out all of the horrible things people said about the photo to reinforce the obvious social media harassment that is taking place. Can’t argue with her conclusion. I’ve long felt that being fat, in this culture, is viewed as a crime. If it’s not a felony, than it’s at least a serious misdemeanor (with a side of cream cheese). (Note: Being phat, however, is still awesome! No change there.) However, it might be the most delicious of all the crimes!

Did I feel a little shameful when chuckling at some of the jokes people wrote? Yes. Did I spend more than a few seconds trying to come up with a clever one myself? Yes. (At least he’s not being chicked, amirite? What’s the mpg? 1/8th?) Did I futilely try to find the source of the photo? Maybe.

I do feel terrible. I need a scarlet letter of my own. Perhaps a giant “L”? (For “loser” not Laverne DeFazio.)

Seriously, this is another example of a well-written, thought-provoking blog post – which the internet should really be about – that you don’t get around here. Instead, you get offensive jokes and cheap word play. And that’s only as funny as a blown scooter transmission.

Her conclusion asks:

Choice Quote #2:

“Which is worse these days: Being called fat or whore?”

Why choose? They can be neatly combined for maximum effect.

Congratulations Charlotte for winning an award you’d probably rather not have. It’s your fault for writing a terrific post. Check it out. Now.

Off to get some Jesus toast with some Leviticus jelly.

Happy trails.


C'mon fellas, we need some quality writing from the male runners. We've been chicked three weeks in a row!


Razz said...

who the hell has a multicolored piano? Elton John?

Spike said...

I love awards, and Jesus, and the piano, and colors, but not offensive jokes. Those I do not like at all.

No, wait...I mean I like offensive jokes more than all other previously mentioned things.

Roisin said...


That's all I have to offer at this point.

The Merry said...

I make it a rule to never discuss religion, politics, or toast. Which means fat whore is completely up for discussion. Except that I thought "lazy" was supposed to go in between those two terms.

Chanda M. DeFoor said...

I would assume that whores can't really be all that lazy...

Charlotte said...

This might be the best award I have ever gotten!!! Seriously, I love it! I want to print it on a t-shirt! I'll put "fat whore" on the back... ;) Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Adam said...

ha! Awesome. I found her blog a while back and have been loving it ever sense. Love-it!!