Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Preening Glory Seeker Blows Marathon

Despite what you think based on the title, this post isn’t about me. And for my new Eastern European audience that will spike my page hits due to the misleading title, I will break the news right up front: There is no porn within. You are welcome to stay if you want. Hell, go ahead and do a site search on “fruit” and “anus” or “Hello Kitty” and “nipples” and see what you come up with.

While it’s true that I haven’t yet found a mirror that didn’t have an extraordinarily rugged and handsome man staring back at me (wink wink love ya’ Mirror Me), I can say that I never lost a race to satisfy my vainglorious tendencies.*

This guy did.

Oh, Terada! I know you just pulled into first with a bold late race surge. You looked unbeatable! While it’s true that maybe you couldn’t determine where the finish line was because the big white banner didn’t say “FINISH ” but, instead, had a collection of hieroglyphics more appropriate for an Indiana Jones movie. (It doesn’t take that many symbols to say ‘Finish’ does it?) Why, oh why, did you follow the camera truck? The overly verbose white banner, frantically waving cops, and screaming throngs of spectators still weren’t enough to convince you to give up the front row directly behind the TV film crew?

After Terada takes a wrong turn and realizes there is no more Face Time to be had with the slowing camera truck, he quickly corrects course and heads to the finish where, no doubt, he expects to find more cameras. Notice the second place runner in green laughing hysterically at the poor fellow all the way across the finish line.



After finishing, Terada’s support crew quickly wraps him in a towel, smiles playfully for the camera, and proceeds to drag him away to a van where he’ll be beaten within an inch of his life.

The 4th place runner collapses to the ground in humiliation when he realizes that he just got beat by “Right Turn” Terada in the final 200 feet. I’ve seen Shōgun. I know what happens next.

And what is the deal with those guys in the white lab coats standing in the middle of the street where Terada took his wrong turn? Odd place to collect bio samples, fellas. Maybe Terada has a little something to hide? Maybe the support crew hustling him away was not so much of a kidnapping but more of a DNA getaway?

I felt bad for the guy until I realized that this wasn’t a full marathon. He was part of a relay. Who thinks his fellow relayers may want to have a word? I think there’s an opening on the Kokugakuin University relay team anchor leg if someone is interested.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has an impeccable sense of direction and timing?”

Not you Terada.

Happy trails.

*Oh sure, I’ve missed the start of many races because I just couldn’t pull myself away from Mirror Me. And, okay, so it’s also true that I’ve never been in a position to win a race either. But I’m betting that you don’t read footnotes.
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I want to thank Eat, Run, Have Fun! blogspot for bestowing something called the “Stylish Blogger Award” on this little site right here. I'm the only one on the entire internet that got this right? I’m not sure Feet Meet Street and “style” belong together but whatev. Thanks!

10 comments:

Marlene said...

I've watched this video a few times, but of course enjoyed it even more with your commentary!

Viper said...

From here on out, all failures should merit the Terada Memorial Fail Award. It's comforting having a benchmark for such catastrophic running ineptitude. Cheers!

The Sean said...

I think someone has a Tom Tom endorsement waiting for him...

BrianFlash said...

I pretty sure this is never going to happen to me - I always have someone to follow in any race I appear in...

Elizabeth said...

Hilarious post. So so so glad I am not the only mirror gazer. Life is pretty tough for us beautiful people.

Katie V. said...

This was my first time reading the story. Yikes. Oh the pain of reliving that moment well into his 80s (100s?).

Amalfi Girl said...

FYI, humor is always stylish. :)

dadsweb said...

Actually he wasn't leading the race (the Hakone Ekiden) when he made the wrong turn, he was coming 8th. The group of runners he was running with was competing for a top ten finish in order to automatically qualify for next year's race. He actually managed to finish 10th, so it was actually a happy ending for his team, but not for Josai University whose runner he managed to pass just before the line.

Chanda M. DeFoor said...

I'm with BrianFlash. I'll always have someone in front to be the trailblazer.

Adam said...

Yeah, I'm with Sean - I'm sure he already has a Tom Tom jersey sitting in his closet.