Wednesday, January 05, 2011

The Candy Cane Denouement

Yesterday I ended my self-imposed year-end hiatus from health.

It’s a new year. The holidays are over. Cue the sad trombone. It was time to hang up deadly sins sloth and gluttony and replace them with the more comfortable fitting pride and anger (with a little lust thrown in for good measure – brace yourself Mrs. Nitmos). I wear these well the whole year. My garage is loaded with wine bottles, beer bottles, rum bottles, empty packets of sugar cookies, and the rudimentary beginning of a small – admittedly rustic – meth lab that I never got around to finishing. C’est la vie. Now anger will have to kick around out in the 25 degree temperature for a half hour to get all the seasonal gluttony into a half dozen trash bags.

It’s about time anyhow. I’ve gained 5 pounds. My normal POW level gauntness (or “runner chic”) has given way to a more rounded – some say “healthier” – fuller cheeked pudginess that makes grandmothers swoon with pinching fingers at the ready during strolls through the local mall. I knew I was in trouble when I tried to snort the buttons off the gingerbread man’s belly. I won’t say what I did with the frosted snowman cookies but, suffice to say, it was…unnatural. And I don’t recommend sleeping naked on a pile of Christmas goodies as I did at the height of my gluttonous sloth. (Candy canes should most definitely not go there.)

I did what any runner does to break out of an unhealthy shame/candy cane anal probing cycle: I went for a run. That’s not to say that I didn’t run at all over the last few weeks. I got a steady stream of 5 milers in…just long enough to provide cover for the orgy of sugar and booze that would follow. But this run felt different. This run was the start of the new year…getting back to normal…reversing the downward trend…retracting broken chunks of the hooked peppermint striped curve of a shattered cane, metaphorically speaking. In other words, this was the beginning of something rather than the end.

I don’t know what 2011 has in store for me but I look forward to the ride. Maybe a new half marathon PR? Finally break 18 minutes in the 5k? (That would be really nice.) Perhaps a new marathon PR including the requisite BQ that I’ll opt not to cash in again? Who knows? Whatever happens, I’d like to make running less of a job this year. I’d like to be less this guy:
And more this guy:


What has two thumbs but no hands on the steering wheel?


2010 may have ended with a peppermint stick prison rape but, in 2011, I hold the shank.

It’s a new year…and a new me. My training log is empty but anxious. My race calendar is filling up. Feet Meet Street will (eventually) have a new look, a new vibe, and a new tone. Well, except for the pride, anger, lust, juvenile tomfoolery and random candy canaling. That’ll pretty much be business as usual.

Happy trails.

20 comments:

Viper said...

Let's say goodbye to the overly angry runner and say hello to the freakishly happy runner. Cheers to 2011!

Lisa said...

I think we all experienced the end of year gluttony. Let the new year begin!

Carly said...

"Peppermint stick prison rape" Couldn't of said it better myself...LMAO!

The Sean said...

it is around the holidays that hash runs must have been conceived...

Sun Runner said...

Um...what ARE you using to hold the steering wheel, then...I don't really want to think about it. You're not pulling a Tommy-Lee-in-a-boat are you? GROSS.

I too have got to shut sloth & gluttony back into the closet for a while.

Al's CL Reviews said...

You never fail to make me laugh!

Ian said...

Here's to 2011. Did you find that the peppermint had a menthol type affect? It's very refreshing... so I've heard.

Marlene said...

WELCOME BACK! Here's to a meth-, sugar-, booze- and blubber-free 2011... mostly!

Xenia said...

I prefer the angry runner.

Drea said...

Breaking 18 minutes in the 5K won't have you having running as less of a job :) Burn baby burn.

Vava said...

Your sloth speed can still kick my ass, candy cane or no candy cane. That being said, here's hoping your 2011 brings you more PRs and us more Nitmosian sarcasm and self deprecation.

All the best!

Speaking of candy canes, the word verification is a very appropriate "kingsxdk". Makes you think...

Jess said...

Welcome back to running and I hope the new year has lots of great stuff in store for you!

Aron said...

Happy New Year Nitmos!!! My blog got a makeover for the new year too :)

Julie said...

God you crack me up! I love the pictures:) Totally busting up over here!

Yay! Two thumbs up and a super happy smile! Good luck to you in 2011! I hope that this new year brings you all sorts of awesomeness!

Elizabeth said...

I'm right there with you. Here's to an awesome 2011.

Charlotte said...

You are hilarious! I can't even pick which was my favorite part although "...I hold the shank!" has just become a punchline at my house thank you very much. I loved what you said too about making running less work this year. Best of luck to you in the New Year and stay away from those candy canes. And small children.

The Merry said...

... except for the pride, anger, lust, juvenile tomfoolery and random candy canaling

And so I should hope. Somebody's got to keep up his standards, man. Lord knows I haven't been. Put me to shame. Go ahead. See if I care.

Nick said...

I hate sticky!

Robin said...

I now have to add "runner chic" to my list of things to accomplish in 2011. But can this really be accomplished on a steady diet of IPAs...probably not! Happy New Year!

Psyche said...

omg, you had me at denouement!