Runners are better than Charlie Sheen because…
- Rarely do you get STD’s from the community race day Gatorade volunteers.
- Running can be a verb with positive connotations. The other can also be a verb but with less positivity . (i.e. “I took so many drugs that I rented a prostitute, trashed my hotel room, and capped the evening off with an embarrassing mug shot. In other words, I was really Sheened last night.”)
- If you don’t like the
womanrace once you’ve started, you can just hireregister for a new one. (Wait, maybe that’s how running is the same as Charlie Sheen.)
- The only “crack” involved is the one you lube to prevent chafing.
- You can still set a race PR. Charlie is resigned to his lifetime 1986 PR for Platoon.
- Cramps may shut down your morning race. They take Charlie out for an entire week. (Or, at the very least, make him open up the Rolodex.)
- When you snot rocket, it doesn’t land on the back of someone’s head.
- Lindsay Lohan can still pull it off even with a cigarette in hand. Take that, Chuck!
- Your heart and lungs strengthen and expand. Liver bloating = extremely rare.
- When you run, you may be a role model. When you’re Charlie Sheen, you’re not.
- BONUS: Running enhances your body’s natural curves and streamlines your physique. Without two surgically implanted cantaloupes on your chest, Charlie’s not interested in you.
I’m whiling away the days with a steady stream of 8 mile and under runs with a few intervals thrown in to keep fresh. It’s off season maintenance mode around these parts. Last night: 5 miles at 6:58 pace.