Friday, September 11, 2009

Sarah the Cheetah, Slightly Faster, Attention Seeker

Sometimes, blog topics just fall right into your lap. We can thank the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden for the latest.

You may recall my sarcasm soaked congratulations to Usain Bolt for his world record 100m run in Berlin last month. If not, why don’t you? You should. There’ll be a quiz at years end. I’ll wait while you click that link and refresh.

Well, looky looky, we have another 100m world record holder. This time, in the animal world. The Cincinnati Zoo took it upon themselves to stage a publicity stunt 100m cheetah time trial. Here’s Sarah the Cheetah chasing her little stuffed toy to a record 6.130 seconds in 100 meters. On her second attempt that day.


On the first attempt, she ran 6.164. So she went from 6.164 to...6.130? I’ll ask the same question I asked in Mr. Bolt’s case: Does anyone notice anything odd about those two sets of numbers? Like the first number to the left of the decimal is still ‘6’? In this case, the only digit that changed was the one in the hundredths position. Bolt, at least, managed to lower the number in the tenths position.

Admittedly, 6.130 seconds is fast. Even for me. Using the McMillan Running calculator to extrapolate this out, Sarah the Cheetah could do a mile in 2:03, 5k in 7:04, and marathon in 1:09. Suddenly, Usain Bolt, Kara Goucher and Ryan Hall don’t seem so impressive now do they?

If you clicked the article link and read it – and again, if you didn’t, why not? – my favorite part is the last line where Sarah, after her sprint, “looked barely out of breath.” What a show off. Maybe if I had to chase after my favorite stuffed animal action figure, I’d run that fast too.

Way to be slightly faster, Sarah the Cheetah! But, next time, how ‘bout you just let us know when your PR changes to 5 something, at least, m’kay?

And since this is Animal Kingdom day on F.M.S., here’s a great picture of a gorilla with awesome nipples.



No word on how fast the gorilla is though. But does it matter? Not with nips like that.

Happy trails.

23 comments:

Ace said...

That gorilla is gonna need some SERIOUS amounts of Body Glide to prevent chafing on those towers o' nip...

Blyfinn said...

Better get the gorilla some body glide before the race

ShutUpandRun said...

Are those erasers or nipples?

Velma said...

You had to go with the nips comment!

Marlene said...

Thanks for the Friday laugh!

Spike said...

perhaps, were I the 'stuffed toy' I would be forced to run 5.something or else...

sorry people assume you stole my water, but if the shoe fits. also, I enjoy my long runs to star in Okemos, make their way to East Lansing (brush Haslett), and back, it’s more scenic than the same 5M loop.

Vanilla said...

Whatever, she's clearly a HERMAPHRODITE!!!! The Cheetah is a Cheeter!!!

X-Country2 said...

Aww, I kind of want a baby gorilla to carry around under my arm all day.

Viper said...

Insert body-glide-tape-giant-circles-of-bloody-death comment. Happy weekend. Cheers!

Jess said...

Can you say chafing much on those bad boys

The Sean said...

running fans would need a large set of bandaids for those

The Laminator said...

Ah, see, to the rest of the world, that photo is just a picture of a momma gorilla carrying her baby gorilla like a rag doll. To us runners, all we can think about is Body Glide. Figures.

B.o.B. said...

Vanilla beat me to it. I was going to say I bet they didn't make Sarah take a gender test...

Jamoosh said...

As usual, the writer isn't telling the whole story. Extrapolating it out, for every 0.1 seconds faster that Sarah runs 100M, she will knock over a full minute off her marathon time. Of course, who would really be all that impressed if someone knocked two minutes off a marathon time of just barely over an hour.

Meg Runs said...

So cute...thanks for sharing!

theloosemoose said...

It sucks to be a mammal. At least a female mammal. Ya never see lizards with hanging nips like that.

Danielle said...

They must be having a cold spell in gorilla-land

DinIA

Word Perv said...

When I was in the 8th grade I started a new school in a new town. The first day of class we did one of those stupid "get to know your classmate" exercises that included naming what animal you would want to be. Without hesitation I replied, "A cheetah." Someone asked, "Why?" I blinked rapidly a few times, "Because they're fast...duh." Really, why ELSE would you want to be a cheetah? I want to be able to kick all the other animals' asses in a foot race, obviously.

Al's CL Reviews said...

The gorilla pic/comment made me snort coke through my nose.

Beth said...

More likely chasing your Barbie doll! :)

Caroline said...

this post leaves me pondering many interesting uses for the mcmillan calculator :)

Kristina said...

Forget battle of the sexes. Let's have a battle of the species with Sarah and Usain.

Adam said...

Ohhhh, Jamoosh dropped a math bomb on your *ss.

Although, I'd still take Kara Goucher in a running contest. If anything, she'd be a lot more fun to console after the cheetah whooped up on her ass. Come to think of it, Kara is my pick for a lot of contests.