First, I want to thank everyone for their enthusiastic response to Wednesday’s post. It propelled me to one of my biggest hit days ever! Now I fully recognize most of you saw the title and assumed I was either (a) offering free pot or (b) going to tell you where to get some. I never really felt like F.M.S. drew the stoner community before but, after Wednesday’s response, I might hedge against losing them by including a regular discussion on recreational drug use just to keep the hits coming. Maybe I’ll get a sponsorship from Doritos. Anyhow, stay tuned for a future post in which I compare my last track interval work-out to the rush of heroin through the veins…
Reason #17 Not To Be A Cyclist: Blow Darts
In a recent Banned on the Run podcast, we talked about the whole cyclists vs. runner faux rivalry. I don’t believe it exists. At least, until I heard everyone whining about cyclists not waving hello (which, by the way, I also wouldn’t do if I was a cyclist. Hell, I barely do the runner’s wave anyhow.) In a recent post, I highlighted the new threat to runners: falling tree branches. And now comes a very real threat to cyclists. One I’m sure they never considered before. Blow darts. No kidding. Blow-freaking-darts. Like the kind you see on TV where the mysterious, magical jungle tribe with painted faces attacks and paralyzes the silly non-jungle intruders. I fully expect to take a blow dart to the neck if I ever travel to the Amazon. But, while cycling in, say, Delaware?
Four Hit With Blow Darts in Delaware
(Aug. 12) -- Authorities in Delaware are investigating a recent series of blow dart attacks in which four people have been injured. One official described the attacks as "a scene from an Indiana Jones movie."
The first report came Tuesday morning from cyclist Dan Wilson, who said he was shot in the thigh with a dart while riding his bike, according to a report from NBC Philadelphia.
Wilson was not badly hurt, but said the dart was lodged over two inches into his leg.
After hearing reports of Wilson's attack, a woman came forward to say she was hit in the neck with a blow dart while biking on Monday. Both Wilson and the woman said they noticed a white pickup truck driving by at the time of the incidents.
The case grew stranger Wednesday with the report of two more blow dart attack victims. One of the victims, a 17-year-old, was hit in the hand and the injury will require surgery, WPVI-TV reported.
WPVI reported the fourth person had been hit by a blow dart, but did not have further details on the incident. Both of the latter attacks allegedly occured before Wilson was shot, but the victims only came forward after seeing news reports on the incident.
"This has to be one of the strangest incidents of late and in the years I've been a state trooper I've never seen anything like this," Jeffrey Whitmarsh, of the Delaware State Police, said. Police are investigating but have few suspects or leads in the case.
If you are in the greater Delawarian area, watch out. That pinch you feel on the thigh might not be a spasming quad. You just might have been blow darted. And was that the runner with the side split shorts that I just passed - and failed to wave to - that just ducked behind the tree?
I’ll take falling tree limbs over blow darts any day.
Timo Kaukonen: Dehydrated, Detoxified, Extremely Relaxed, and Very Thirsty, But A Champion!
I think I’ve found my new extreme sport: Professional saunaing. Really, no joke. There is a Sauna World Championship held every year for, you guessed it, the person who can sit in the sauna the longest. Timo Kaukonen, the former champ, regained the 2009 title this year. Congratulations Timo! You were able to sit in a hot, steamy room for longer than anyone! No word on whether or not the “athletes” are required to sport awesomely thick mustaches, display well manicured chest foliage, and rock out a gold chain with the pointy male symbol. As far as I’m concerned though, the results are in question. They don’t steroid test.
On second thought, I’ll hold out for the Hot Tub World Championships.
Give It Away Now…Or Next Week
Here’s something pretty cool: I’ll be giving you all a chance to win something next week. That’s right, a GIVEAWAY in which I will, well, give away a prize. And not just any old prize. A prize who’s value is, well, valued in triple digits! (No, smart ass, that doesn’t include the cents portion.)
I bet you’d like to know what the prize is? You’ll have to wait. I’m a prize tease and this mention is just serving as an interest fluffer.
I bet you’d like to know what you have to do to win the unnamed prize? I’m in a bit of a moral quandary on this one. One the one hand, I could just be fair and do a random drawing. On the other hand, I have this idea….But if I go through with it, it might end up with me being labeled an “internet predator” and you feeling ashamed and humiliated and wondering why you are surrounded by farm animals, midgets in cowboy hats, and a car battery with jumper cables.
I guess I’ll decide after next week’s track work. If that goes well, you are in luck. If not, prepare to degrade yourself, prizewhores.
A hot, shirtless tempo run last night as half marathon preparations continue.
And then post run - my favorite - off to the buffet for The Refattening! Mmmmmm...