Friday, August 14, 2009

Randumbery VII

I used to run this semi regular feature called "Randumbness" about, as you would guess, various random and dumb things going on. It was a nice page filler. You thought you were getting actual carefully constructed content. Instead, you were getting fluff, filler, time wasters. I'm not saying this to foreshadow this post. I'm just saying the post title is Randumbery and if you can put 2 and 2 together....well, we'll both be pleasantly surprised at your cognitive skills.

Stone Hedge

First, I want to thank everyone for their enthusiastic response to Wednesday’s post. It propelled me to one of my biggest hit days ever! Now I fully recognize most of you saw the title and assumed I was either (a) offering free pot or (b) going to tell you where to get some. I never really felt like F.M.S. drew the stoner community before but, after Wednesday’s response, I might hedge against losing them by including a regular discussion on recreational drug use just to keep the hits coming. Maybe I’ll get a sponsorship from Doritos. Anyhow, stay tuned for a future post in which I compare my last track interval work-out to the rush of heroin through the veins…

Reason #17 Not To Be A Cyclist: Blow Darts

In a recent Banned on the Run podcast, we talked about the whole cyclists vs. runner faux rivalry. I don’t believe it exists. At least, until I heard everyone whining about cyclists not waving hello (which, by the way, I also wouldn’t do if I was a cyclist. Hell, I barely do the runner’s wave anyhow.) In a recent post, I highlighted the new threat to runners: falling tree branches. And now comes a very real threat to cyclists. One I’m sure they never considered before. Blow darts. No kidding. Blow-freaking-darts. Like the kind you see on TV where the mysterious, magical jungle tribe with painted faces attacks and paralyzes the silly non-jungle intruders. I fully expect to take a blow dart to the neck if I ever travel to the Amazon. But, while cycling in, say, Delaware?

Four Hit With Blow Darts in Delaware

(Aug. 12) -- Authorities in Delaware are investigating a recent series of blow dart attacks in which four people have been injured. One official described the attacks as "a scene from an Indiana Jones movie."

The first report came Tuesday morning from cyclist Dan Wilson, who said he was shot in the thigh with a dart while riding his bike, according to a report from NBC Philadelphia.

Wilson was not badly hurt, but said the dart was lodged over two inches into his leg.

After hearing reports of Wilson's attack, a woman came forward to say she was hit in the neck with a blow dart while biking on Monday. Both Wilson and the woman said they noticed a white pickup truck driving by at the time of the incidents.

The case grew stranger Wednesday with the report of two more blow dart attack victims. One of the victims, a 17-year-old, was hit in the hand and the injury will require surgery, WPVI-TV reported.

WPVI reported the fourth person had been hit by a blow dart, but did not have further details on the incident. Both of the latter attacks allegedly occured before Wilson was shot, but the victims only came forward after seeing news reports on the incident.

"This has to be one of the strangest incidents of late and in the years I've been a state trooper I've never seen anything like this," Jeffrey Whitmarsh, of the Delaware State Police, said. Police are investigating but have few suspects or leads in the case.


If you are in the greater Delawarian area, watch out. That pinch you feel on the thigh might not be a spasming quad. You just might have been blow darted. And was that the runner with the side split shorts that I just passed - and failed to wave to - that just ducked behind the tree?

I’ll take falling tree limbs over blow darts any day.

Timo Kaukonen: Dehydrated, Detoxified, Extremely Relaxed, and Very Thirsty, But A Champion!

I think I’ve found my new extreme sport: Professional saunaing. Really, no joke. There is a Sauna World Championship held every year for, you guessed it, the person who can sit in the sauna the longest. Timo Kaukonen, the former champ, regained the 2009 title this year. Congratulations Timo! You were able to sit in a hot, steamy room for longer than anyone! No word on whether or not the “athletes” are required to sport awesomely thick mustaches, display well manicured chest foliage, and rock out a gold chain with the pointy male symbol. As far as I’m concerned though, the results are in question. They don’t steroid test.

On second thought, I’ll hold out for the Hot Tub World Championships.

Give It Away Now…Or Next Week

Here’s something pretty cool: I’ll be giving you all a chance to win something next week. That’s right, a GIVEAWAY in which I will, well, give away a prize. And not just any old prize. A prize who’s value is, well, valued in triple digits! (No, smart ass, that doesn’t include the cents portion.)

I bet you’d like to know what the prize is? You’ll have to wait. I’m a prize tease and this mention is just serving as an interest fluffer.

I bet you’d like to know what you have to do to win the unnamed prize? I’m in a bit of a moral quandary on this one. One the one hand, I could just be fair and do a random drawing. On the other hand, I have this idea….But if I go through with it, it might end up with me being labeled an “internet predator” and you feeling ashamed and humiliated and wondering why you are surrounded by farm animals, midgets in cowboy hats, and a car battery with jumper cables.

I guess I’ll decide after next week’s track work. If that goes well, you are in luck. If not, prepare to degrade yourself, prizewhores.

Happy trails.
_________________________________

A hot, shirtless tempo run last night as half marathon preparations continue.

10.0 miles
1:09:50 time
6:59 pace

And then post run - my favorite - off to the buffet for The Refattening! Mmmmmm...

21 comments:

Jamoosh said...

Midgets in Cowboy hats? Sign me up!

RazZDoodle said...

What is this Banned on the Run you speak of?

Vanilla said...

I'm just baffled that some cyclists didn't feel the need to report that they'd been blow-darted until after they heard that others had been attacked too.

Personally, I want to tell everyone I know any time I get blown.

David said...

I'm here to report that runners and cyclist can coexist in harmonious splendor. I just completed my second run-while-wife-rides training event. We waved at everyone we passed. They waved back. I might have even waved at my wife - I was simply lost in the splendor.

B.o.B. said...

blow darts and sauna competitions? you were definitely reaching on this one.

sign me up for the giveaway as i usually degrade myself voluntarily with no hopes of a reward.

Vava said...

Nice run there! And the refattening sounds awesome. Is the prize fat related?

sneakersister said...

Hey, you should be thanking me because it was I who drove all that extra traffic your way. You're welcome. (I just loved the post and I had to make - yes, make - everyone over at my usual running hangout (aka running forum) come over and read your words.)

Nice tempo, btw.

Marlene said...

Oooh, a giveaway! I'm interested to find out what you have in store for us! I'd do (just about) anything for free sh*t.

Blow darts? Wtf! The cyclists must have ticked somebody off...

Nice 10-miler.

Have a great weekend!

Laura said...

That blowdart story is SO crazy!

Katie A. said...

I agree with Marlene - I am sure the cyclists must have cut the guy in the white truck off way too many times! Sheesh! And yes, the mutual hatrid does exist - I had a screaming match last night with a biker when I was running!

Nice 10 miler, and I can't wait for the give-away - I am a sucker for that stuff! :) Happy Friday!

Running and living said...

I had to come and read the post on "teh gateway drug". Nicely done. And this one, too. Will be back for the giveaway....I think?
Ana-Maria

Adam said...

Are gold pinky rings required as part of the world championship sauna contest? I'd think so. If you don't have one? Fa-git-a-bout-it.

Lauren said...

ZOMG! I can win a prize for sitting on my @ss for the longest time? Sign me up. I've been building up extra padding for years.

Irene said...

Last year our track club had an incident where a seasoned bike rider crashed head on into one of our seasoned runners. Neither one of them saw the other one coming... There was blood, injuries and ambulances. Both have recovered and actually have wonderful things to say about each other's sports.

Prize?

X-Country2 said...

Blow darts? Do they sell those at sporting good stores or is that a Craig's List only kind of thing?

theloosemoose said...

Am I the only one who is sick with jealousy over that pace for a hot 10-miler? Damn...You am speedy.

See, I'm betting that it's shameless flattery that will win me the unnamed prize. (I'm hoping it's a mounted llama head. I really could use one of those.)

NY Wolve said...

Blow darts? hmmmm..hadn't thought of that...I wonder if they work...if they fit in a Spibelt...

Velma said...

I hope you had fun at Old County. Great run, and I have a feeling you will be giving away socks. Just a guess.

Ace said...

Take it easy on that pre-contest track workout. We don't want the 27x400s you're going to do to transfer over to some masochistic contest requirements.

Midgets have feelings too you know...

Rural Runner E said...

Here in Missouri, there are times when runners/bikers need to be aware of flying ammunition...sometimes we are mistaken for deer, turkey, ducks, etc. Crazy I tell you, Crazy.

sRod said...

Damn, a new threat out there for cyclists. It's probably a runner who can't take it anymore.