Monday, August 03, 2009

Honey Vacation Recap

I’m back, showered, and less lick able.

It was an interesting week. Have you ever spent 170 straight hours slathered in honey? It’s not as fun as you would think. By the third day, you really start to get sick of it. And the flies? God, the flies.

We spent the week in my home town of Traverse City, Michigan. We took the kids camping for three of the days. Camping Nitmos style (i.e. laptop, portable DVD players, near local restaurants and in-laws for the fam to avoid public park wart acquiring showers.) It was nice: Fires with hissing, barely burnable, rain soaked wood and the roar of jets from the nearby airport. Nobody experienced anything greater than a first degree burn. Camping sans skin grafts? A win!

I bemoaned my pathetic second mile from the Ele’s Race 5k for the first several days (race report updated with official numbers for posterity). Well, as much as one can with a mouth covered in gooey, sliding honey. My complaints would burst forth into a honey wrapped complaint bubble that would float two campsites down before popping and emptying into the ear holes of a pleasant looking family from Chicago that, before long, also began to wonder loudly about what the hell happened in mile two not really knowing why.

I didn’t seethe for long because the Traverse City Film Festival Costume 5k was the coming Saturday. Redemption would be at hand!

The film festival is in its 5th year now and starting to acquire some national name recognition. It’s attracting B and C level stars. Before long, it might even acquire a Friend or a Family Matter. Maybe Jon or Kate and plus or minus 3/8’s will make an appearance in the future? Mrs. Nitmos and I have attended 4 of the 5 years now and it is amusing just to watch the event unfold. It was started and is run by liberal Michael Moore. The vast majority of the filmmaker/stars present are liberals. But Traverse City is a staunchly conservative Midwestern town. The local business leaders and politicians – who would love to string Moore up from the nearest tree – all plug their noses, smile, and put their hands out for all the money he’s bringing into town for the week. Then bitch about the No Good Liberal for the next 51 weeks while they toss logs made of rolled up film festival money onto their fires during those cool fall days.

Mrs. Nitmos and I attended three films. We might have been the only two people not in either (1) a beard or (2) thick rimmed rectangular glasses.* We could only get tickets for the midnight showing each time which presented a problem. Normally in my daily routine, I’m drunk by 7 PM, passed out by 8 PM, and back awake but impersonating a police officer on the streets by 10 PM, and incarcerated to “sleep it off” Otis style by 11 PM. I’d have to hold off drinking until 10 or 11 in order to make the films.

First up was a sneak preview of the first two episodes from the new season of one of my favorite shows, Curb Your Enthusiasm, hosted by co-star and B leveler Jeff Garlin. Afterwards, Garlin hung around to answer questions from the audience and, in turn, be harassed by a star struck, stalker woman waving a stick of cheese at him (he made a bad film called Someone To Eat Cheese With) and holding a copy of Daddy Day Care for him to sign. What a freak.**

Then, we hit the midnight showings for future classic films Asshole (a short film, non-puckered) and Registered Sex Offender. And then cool, black rimmed rectangular spectacle wearing director appeared on stage to let us know he barely had enough time to discuss the film because he’s too busy creating another masterpiece in complete anonymity. RSO was good though. But no masterpiece. Not enough honey.

And then it was time for redemption: the very first ever TCFF Costume 5k! They want to make it a Breakers style crazy costume run focusing on fun and costumes rather than speed. Which, to me, spells: A Chance For A Win! Information was extremely sparse on the event. It was only a few days before hand that I found out it would start at 8 PM. I even inquired at the film festival box office for further details but could get nothing more than a hand written sticky note telling me where it started, that the person running it “wasn’t very good”, and that they didn’t expect very many people oh and by the way if you want to join please write down your credit card information and we’ll have it floating around the office here for future generations to see and read and use. "No way", said the guy with a public blog in which he reveals too much about himself.

So, I didn’t join.

But I did watch. Oh, yes, I watched. I watched as the leader and winner – on a course I’m pretty sure was less than 3 miles – came through in about 17:20. And then I watched and watched and twiddled my thumbs and started kicking myself in the ass as the second place guy came through in just a shade under 20 minutes?!? Fuck. Why didn’t I sign up? As it turns out, they had bibs, timing chips, a nice finish crowd, water, Oscar style awards for every finisher, basically, everything you want in a race. And a slow field to boot. Fuck. Turned out, there were about 100 runners and many wearing pretty creative costumes (my favorite: the group of 8 dressed as William Wallace and company from Braveheart and shouting FREEEEDOMMM! through the streets.)

Next year, my friends, next year. I will be there. The theme for next year’s vacation has already been determined. It’ll be Strawberry Jam week. Together, with Mrs. Nitmos’ consent, we’ll run in that costume 5k. She doesn’t know it yet – until she reads this – but she’ll be covered in peanut butter. We’ll be peanut butter and jelly.

Happy trails. I’ll catch up with you all soon.

* Though I was the only person slathered in honey and sticking to the theatre chairs.
** Who am I kidding? It was me.

20 comments:

B.o.B. said...

Did the Braveheart guys have on actual kilts? If so, can you please send me the sign up for next year? That'd be great. Thanks.

Welcome back.

Katie said...

Ohh! Friday night as I was running on the circle of doom, I was kicking myself for not purchasing a penguin costume from Goodwill earlier in the week to wear! Did the rain hold off? It rained pretty solid about an hour south!
~ Katie

Danielle said...

"Theatre"? Did you get to close to Canada?

D. in IA

Viper said...

Big Fat FAIL. Way to go, Capt. Lame.

Spike said...

glad the family made it home safe and sound and with no honey to spare. maybe I should already know this, but have you had chocolate week family vacation already?

X-Country2 said...

You know there was cash awards for the winners, right?

Vanilla said...

Next year the word will be out, and all the fast people will show up.

Oh, and I have a slighty sweat stained gorilla costume you can borrow if you want for next year.

Kristina said...

I think that's the first time I've seen you drop the f-bomb. Your midwestern persona is shot to hell. Nicely done.

aron said...

of COURSE thats always the way it works out right, slow field when you dont run... just remember that for next year :)

Running and living said...

Oh, man! You are in such a need to sign up for another 5K. Just do it! Ana-Maria

Adam said...

Hold off drinking until 10 or 11?! I HOPE that you mean am - because everything else is crazy talk.

joyRuN said...

Oh man. That really sucks that you wimped out of that 5k.

But no need to tell you what you already know.

theloosemoose said...

I think you didn't do this race because you were afraid I'd chick you, what with my speedy fast 22:30and all.

fear not, because I didn't do it, either. And now I'm pissed. Did you say "Oscar style awards"? And "WATER?" What the hell was I thinking???

Marlene said...

"They want to make it a Breakers style crazy costume run focusing on fun and costumes rather than speed. Which, to me, spells: A Chance For A Win!"

I like the way you think.

Sucks that there was such limited info and it seemed so shady, because that sounds like SUCH a good race. Hopefully word won't get out before next year.

Vava said...

A "twoonie" is just like a "loonie", only twice as good and comes with with a pretty snazzy gold middle...

What I mean is:

Loonie = $1 CDN (image of a loon on it)

Twoonie = $2 CDN (no loon, just a polar bear, but "polie bearie" doesn't roll off the tongue so well)

(I realize the above is completely unrelated to your post - run that race next year, BTW! - and apologize to your readers that have no idea what I would try and explain Canadian currency lingo in a comment on FMS.)

Vava said...

Nice! I guess I figured that you would know, but thought I'd answer anyway since your readership is vast in numbers and spans the globe. I'm really doing it for that runner in Lao People's Democratic Republic who may not be aware that our money has polar bears on it and that we give our change nick names. Anyway, thanks for the back'n'forth!

Rural Runner E said...

I love Traverse City, love the cherries, and I love running through the town. Was up there a couple times for work and would love to live there. I also spent a lot of time in the UP working...the the outdoors are wonderful.

NY Wolve said...

That is too bad. but next year if you run the race, surely it will have faster runners...
Traverse City must be beautiful this time of year...

Lauren said...

That was smart thinking. You really don't want that much information about you just lying around. Not to mention you'd be drunk before the race even started.

sRod said...

Sounds like it was an awesome kinda 5K (really, are any of them officially measured?). Love the PB&J idea.