Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Mindf*ck

In the title for this post, I asterisked out the naughty word for some of my more sensitive readers. I’ve thrown around curse words here before but I try not to do it too frequently. But, just so we are clear, that is an f-bomb. It’s not Mindfreak, Criss Angel’s douchy magic show.


See? Douchy.

I was at the track last night knocking out some intervals. (Pay attention. You are probably interested in how this turned out as it might end with you having to hook a car battery to your nipples in order to win my upcoming giveaway. Keep your fingers crossed.) It was hot. It was windy. There was a fat kid and his trainer/sister/girlfriend doing laps in lanes 1 and 2 clearly in violation of the Slow Traffic Keep Right track law.

This is where the Mindf*ck comes in. As I was loosening up and watching Fat Kid and Sis make their way around the track, I had already started my inner whine. It’s too hot. My shoes are getting old and hard on the feet. I’d rather be home wearing a fish net shirt, like the guy from Right Said Fred, with one arm casually thrown over my head preparing to amaze you with an illusion. In other words, I was being douchy.

The plan was 6 x 800m intervals with the standard 400m easy interval in between. I just did 5 x 800 last week in the low 2:50’s for each with very similar weather conditions. Should be able to do about the same right with just one more interval? Sure, unless you Mindf*ck yourself right from the start.

I’m a big believer in mind over matter. Confidence. The ole Can Do attitude. I absolutely hate when I hear (or read) someone say they don’t think they can do this or they probably can’t do that. I’ve written about this before so I won’t get into it again. It’s self defeating to talk yourself down. No problem with a dose of realism but that’s completely different than pure negative CAN’T energy.

It’s Mindf*cking. Before this interval session even began, I treated my mind like a Dutch prostitute. Despite all previous track interval results as evidence, I set my goal at 2:57 per 800m. Why 2:57? I don’t know. That’s like asking why someone would allow themselves to be photographed like in the one above. In mascara. It makes no sense. I just settled on the number. I mentally boxed myself in to a sub par work out before I even started. Mind. F*cked.

Guess how it turned out?

2:57
2:56
2:57
2:57
2:57
2:54

Big surprise, a bunch of 2:57’s. I lapped Fat Kid and Sis on a number of occasions (even as they walked during rest breaks IN LANE 1 AND 2!) Periodically, Fat Kid took a few breaks to sit in the grass and drink some water. As I ran by, I noticed he looked remarkably like Jonah Hill. I knew it wasn’t Jonah Hill because Seth Rogan wasn’t attached to his hip. He looked drained and defeated. But he continued to get back up and do another lap. Over and over again. I was impressed with his determination.

I completed my intervals just as they completed theirs. I had basically run 2:57’s just like I said I would before hand. Once I settled on 2:57, there was no way I was going to do any better. I ran to the number and gave no greater effort. Meanwhile, Fat Kid was giving all he could next to Sis. By the end, I realized I didn’t deserve lane 1. My pace was faster but his effort was greater.

I had Mindf*cked myself to the point where I’m pretty sure I have a brain STD now. Don’t expect a lesser effort than you know you are capable of before even starting! I had started the work out settling on a number in which I knew I could out perform and mentally chastising Fat Kid and Sis for their douchy track etiquette breach. By the end, I could see that Fat Kid had put his all into that work out. Me? Well, it’s called a Mindf*ck...

And it made me the douche. Someone get me a fish net shirt and some goggles.

Happy trails.
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Next post: I promise, the giveaway exists!

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Also, I apologize that I haven't been commenting a lot recently. Work calls. I promise I'll make it up. Maybe with a wonderful illusion that'll both astound and amaze you....

29 comments:

Jamoosh said...

Battery draining...waiting. Oh, next post, my bad.

Mike said...

This is good f*cking stuff! Seriously, nice lessons, to set the goals high and to avoid the negativity. It makes all the difference in the world

Thanks

Shannon said...

I'll just say me and Mr. MindF*ck were in the pool together last night churning out the laps. I tried to kick him in the balls but he swam away, eventually I got rid of him the last 15 minutes of the workout.

The Sean said...

next week settle on a 1:57 and mindf*ck your way to greatness.

Then you'll be able to lay back with a smoke and think about how great you were.

Xenia said...

I'm all for positive attitude and achieving greatness, but sometimes setting the bar low is the only way to go.

Lauren said...

Trainer/girlfriend/sister? What are y'all doing up there in Michigan?

Lily on the Road said...

HAHAHA Xenia,

Running and living said...

Interesting. I usually set goals that I know I can achieve (though still chalenging), and always do better than what I set out to do. Although this strategy clearly speaks "fear of failure", it's been working well for me; I have my "safety goal", and I can push further and further without the added pressure of a tougher goal. Ana-Maria

Marlene said...

Completely and totally agree. Good post.

Bring your balls to the track next time! ;)

Morgan said...

Mindf*ck's are the worst!

And in defense of Michigan (even if I don't live there anymore) to Lauren... we are not back woods heathens that marry our sisters/brothers, Nitmos clearly was so distracted by visions of Chris Angel that he couldn't quite figure out the nature of the chick...

Teamarcia said...

Nit thanks for reminding me what are the slow and fast lanes at the track, seriously I couldn't remember!

Viper said...

Maybe we're the only ones who know about this lane etiquette, but everybody knows you're a douche.

cath said...

yep..it is all about the mind...i have to tell myself to shut up sometimes, me..running the streets talking ot myself, trying to get my mind under control.
btw, mascarra boy looks a bit like you..but dressed up...

Katie said...

My local track has recently been locked up! I love having a reason I can't run my intervals but at the same time I can feel myself getting slower, UGH!!

SeeGirlRun said...

Well said and great point. I'm sure based on your description they didn't know about the 1st and 2nd lanes....I didn't either. Unlike drivers in GA who are TOTALLY douchy when they hog the left lane because they're too laZY TO PAY ATTENTION TO OTHER DRIVERS AND ARE SO INCONSIDERATE (breathe in....breathe out)

B.o.B. said...

You are right on about the mind effing. And also about how Chris Angel is the biggest douche there ever was.

Velma said...

I yell at myself in my head all the time at the track, but I do it out loud so I am the crazy lady of the neighborhood. You should go as Chris Angel for Halloween - the wife and kids would love it!

theloosemoose said...

Negative Nelly here. Thanks for the (probably much needed) reminder to set the bar high. I've been a slacker lately, but you've inspired me to just go for it tonight at the fun runs, with the goal of beating 22:23. I THINK I CAN!!!

PS: Please, oh please tell me that your giveaway is a fishnet shirt. 'Cause I really could use one of those.

Jessica said...

I bet Chris Angel's parents are giving themselves a pat on the back right now, about a job well done. Just like Marilyn Manson's...

joyRuN said...

I needed this. Really - surprising maybe, but I'm inspired by this post. Food for thought...

Adam said...

Damn, I had the battery all ready. Don't even think that I am going to let it go to waste.

You bring up a really good point about the kid who was running with all his might. Kuddos to him for getting out there and moving his legs....But, I'm still not sure he should have been in lane 1. Maybe lane 2.

mr loser said...

good post

Beth said...

Hmmm... I haven't made it to the track all summer. Maybe that is why I've been so effing slow lately? At least now I know when I go to set the bar nice and low. Thanks for the tip!

M2Marathon said...

Ah, I have been Mindf*ucked a good many times, and I always end up feeling disappointed, empty, and worthless afterward. SUch a shame to let yourself down from the get-go.

And I would be strongly in favor of seeing your next race pic with you sporting that fishnet and goggles.

X-Country2 said...

There is a heart in there! You just need to set your next pace at 2:30 and see if you can make yourself puke.

NY Wolve said...

Hey you did it, which is better than my effort this last week. And I always admire the people that I can tell are really, really trying. One time in a race I saw a kid on crutches, running away. Gotta admire that spirit.

Ace said...

For purposes of shirtlessness, does that fish-net thing count?

Biscuitman said...

10 x 800 @ 2.50 pace has to be the follow up to that workout. Maybe take a 2 lap recovery after 5 reps.

sRod said...

That pictures disturbs me. Thinking of you as the guy (or manish woman) in that picture makes it no better. Thanks for the nightmares.