Perverts. The title is not what you think and you know that.
You’ve probably seen a few of these giveaways in bloggerland already but, since you haven’t seen it here before, it’s all new to me and you. And, besides, if you want to argue about it, then how ‘bout I guarantee you don’t win a $100 gift certificate? It can be done.
What makes my giveaway of the $100 Dick’s Sporting Goods gift certificate different than the others? More anger. More cheap shots. Less common decency. The Three Pillars of Nitmoism.
I know that I mentioned that if my track intervals didn’t go well on Tuesday that I was going to make you do some crazy shit in order to win the certificate. They didn’t go well but I can’t exactly deem it a failure. If you read that post (and I’m sure you did), you know that I ran my intervals exactly as I had pre-determined I would. I can’t take it out on you. Begrudgingly, I’ll have to ask you to put away the car battery and jumper cables, lock up the farm animals, re-shell the turtle, and return the midget to the carnival. I guess I’ll use a random generator to determine the winner.
Hear ye, hear ye, guys and gals! Here is your chance to win a $100 Dick’s Sporting Goods gift certificate. It’s good for in-store and online purchases. Don't live near a Dick's? No problem. You obviously own a computer right?
The rules are…
1. Follow @dickssportcmo on Twitter
2. Leave a comment with an answer to the question "What would you buy at Dick's with $100 and why?"
I will also give special consideration to your entry if, in addition to the official Dick’s rules above, you respond to one of these two dickish questions below in your comment:
1. Assuming Vanilla has a pet, how would you prepare it for dinner service? Describe your recipe with special emphasis on the word “minced.”
2. If RazZ and Viper were conjoined twins and only one could survive surgical separation, would you go ahead with the procedure anyway? And why?
Leave a comment. Get entered. WIN! (Well, one of you anyhow.) As mentioned, it will be randomly drawn by assigning each comment a number based on order entered and using a random number generator to do the selection. I will accept entries up to midnight ET, August 30th, 2009! The winner will be announced on this blog shortly after that. You will then need to contact me and provide me with your name, address, and email address so the certificate can be sent to you. If you don’t want to give me your name and address – for obvious reasons (see car battery and midget discussion above) – you are S.O.L. Thems the rules. Besides, I already checked with my parole director* and I’m cleared – finally! – to be involved in something like this.
Why will my giveaway remain open for so long? And why will you be staring at this on my main page all next week? Cuz, I’m on vacation. Again. I doubt I’ll even give you all the consideration of a quick update but you never know. A lot depends on what Hurricane Bill does to me.
Now, go, comment, win. Good luck!
* Incidentally, when I told my p.d. about this giveaway, he scoffed and asked, “So they are giving a $100 Dick’s coupon to a million dollar a-hole?” Funny guy. Rob one little series of county orphanages and you have to deal with these jokesters....