Friday, May 01, 2009

Swine Fever

Far be it for the folks at Feet Meet Street* to draw an analogy between the upcoming Flying Pig Marathon and the current swine flu pandemic. That would be distasteful, opportunistic and wrong. Besides, I have a strict No Pandemic Flu Mocking policy on this site. (Unless it’s the infamous 1918 Spanish Flu cuz that’s just plain ole funny.)

Besides, you didn’t really think I’d let a cheap opportunity pass - this whole week - without talking about my pig marathon and swine flu, did you?

For the Flying Pig, I think I’ve decided to wee wee wee all the way home rather than go for the roast beef. I’ll be running with a friend. He suggested that we wear medical face masks all the way to the Finish Swine to prevent contraction of the disease. I think we should wear this:

"Normal" pig

Or this:


Swine Flu infected pig

Either way, I’m definitely writing this little poem I composed across my shirt:

Watch out
For my snout
Swine Flu
Coming Thru

See, folks will laugh uncomfortably at first and then get slowly appalled. Uncomfortable laughter followed by simmering feelings of hatred is a typical – and beloved – reaction after an encounter with Nitmos. Just ask my grandparents.

I’m getting excited to run this race. Believe it or not, this is the FIRST official race of the year for me. It kicks off my Second Summer of Speed (SSOS) which I will be formally announcing soon. I’m going to treat this marathon as a rolling, sweaty party on feet. The kind of party that involves pain, anger, despair, brief suicidal thoughts and fist shaking at that one jackhole spectator shouting “Almost there!” at mile 18. (I might explode on him....and then he'll think I had Mad Cow disease instead.)

I’ll finish it when I finish it.** I’ll finish with a pig eating grin on my face and no trace of influenza in my veins. Like most marathons, I’ll probably finish it feeling slightly lethargic, maybe even nauseous with a slight fever, runny nose and probably a little diarrhea. Oh wait

Besides the whole pandemic-pig thing, there’s good vibes in the air for this race.*** I’ve got the fever to run. And it’s contagious.

Happy trails.

Race report to come!

* Me
** Preferably slightly south of 4:00 hours please.
***
Which is way better than bad microbes in the air, if you ask me.

26 comments:

Tall Girl Running said...

May the pork be with you.

Spike said...

I read they are not going to allow spectators as a precautionary matter, so it will be like running Detroit all over again. have a great race!

AKA Alice said...

I'm just a sucker for great poetry... Run on Shakespeare!

Seriously, have a great race!

Xenia said...

Damn, Tall Girl Running took the best line already!

Have a great time, Nitmos.

tfh said...

Have fun! That pace will be fun for you, right? I think tossing medical masks to your fellow runners as you pass them with that poem on your shirt would create an especially joyous atmosphere.

Vanilla said...

Swine flu is no joking matter, son. However, if you are going to joke about it I suggest these surgical masks.

Marlene said...

Run little piggy, run!

Roisin said...

Flying Pig was the first thing that I thought of when they started panicking about swine flu. Good luck! I've got a few friends from Chicago running it as well!

Running and living said...

Funny, funny:)
Glad someone is finally joking around about the swine flu! It's about time!
Have a great marathon! Ana-Maria

sRod said...

Can't wait to get my pig on!

Al's CL Reviews said...

Have a great race

Crabby McSlacker said...

Fortunately for me, I seem to be completely immune to marathon fever.

Have a great race and please don't catch anything too virulent!

RazZDoodle said...

overhyped viruses are funny.

Good luck!

Reluctant Runner said...

Looking forward to your post-race report. I know it won't be boar-ing.

Best of luck in your race!

Irish Cream said...

Good luck, Nitmos! Hope you don't bo(i)nk. Get it? Like bonk but with the word "oink" in there? That's funny . . . right? RIGHT? Ah sh*t. Let's be honest, there is nothing funny left to say.

We're rooting for you! :)

theloosemoose said...

Have a great race! Break a hoof.

Run For Life said...

Love the poem! Is it wrong that I want to run this solely because of H1N1?!

Ms. V. said...

Good luck!!

Why Flying Pig? I'd Google, but too lazy, natch.

You'll do great!

Kevin said...

Have a great race, try not to catch a nasty case of the flu with all those piggys around

Marci said...

Have fun and good luck!

Beth said...

Good luck! Tell your calf muscles to behave themselves.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

Post Flying Pig you'll be an official "Swine Flew"

Brianna said...

I look forward to the race report - and photos!

Vava said...

Awesome poem! Hope you had a great time.

Ted said...

Terrific post !!! You got me cracking up. Can't wait to hear your full race report soon!

Viper said...

Spread the wealth, in this case the wealth of swine flu. Don't forget to panic.