Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Meet My Friend (My Love)

I love to run. Have I mentioned this before?

However, I don’t like to cramp. I cramp regularly. Seemingly monthly. Due to this, I get moody and irritable. Wait, wait….this isn’t going where I wanted it to go…

Back up. Rewind.

Do you ever sometimes have that, um, not so fresh feeling?

Crap, did it again. Rewind.

I love pounding out the miles during marathon training. In fact, even as my long run mileage grows, I start dreaming of greater distances. I get a raging case of mileage envy: Ultra marathons…transcontinental marathons…run across the Atlantic in an inflatable water ball (Amelia Earhart, eat your leather clad heart out.)

Then, the muscle cramps hit and my ultra dreams fade like an ill fated circa 1937 circumnavigational flight of the globe.

And then I saw her.

She sat innocently, sweetly by the table under the shade of the white tent. I thought she was a mirage. Her silhouette shimmering through the haze of a warm, bright sunny day. I was in pain. I was at mile 33 of a back to back half marathon/full marathon event. I reached out. She was there. She offered cooling relief to the touch. A wisp of her minty freshness tickled my nose. I was revived. I ran on. (Apparently, I was also inspired to write in short, choppy bad Hemingway sentences.)

Though the love of my life, Mrs. Nitmos, and the kids waited at the finish line, I met my new found mistress four more times before completing the event that day. She was irresistible. She is irresistible. She is cool. She is life. She smells wonderful. She loves three word sentences as much as I.

She is…

Biofreeze.

Or, as I call her, the Giver of Life. Hope When All Other Hope Fades. Magic in a Bottle.

I discovered her on the Slopes of Mt. Doom (i.e. an overpass aid station near the Disney Studios at the Disney Marathon) as my calves, groin, shin and abdomen (seriously!?!) muscles simultaneously revolted. One generous application and I could no longer feel my legs. And I could continue to run.

So far, the Disney Marathon is the only marathon that provided this aid station beauty. The other marathons have only had some cheap imitation whore. A roadside concubine for every Tom, Dick, and Brenda seeking relief.

I’ve bought my own now. When my IT band flared up recently, I slathered this gentle mistress on and let her do her work. When my calves felt twitchy, I gave them a rub with Madame Biofreeze and all was well.

Mrs. Nitmos isn’t entirely pleased with this arrangement. She was fine with her moving into the cupboard but less so with my insistence that she appear in the family portrait. Before long, the cupboard seemed too cold and lonely and I made plans to move my colt and filly into the same room so she could have her own space. Mrs. Nitmos nixed those plans but we compromised with bunk beds in my filly’s room (though I made sure Biofreeze got the top bunk!)

I plan to have her with me at the Flying Pig Marathon.

I’ll always run back to Mrs. Nitmos at the finish line but Biofreeze will be with me every step of the way. We’ll run. We’ll sweat. We’ll soothe. We’ll write short, manly Hemingway sentences. We’ll finish.

I recommend you do the same.

Happy trails.

(Believe it or not, I was not asked to provide a review of this product or provided a sample. I was just that inspired. Find her at your local chiropractor's office, massage therapist, or medical supply office. No prescription needed.)

_________________________________

Congratulations to the Hello Kitty Mystery Runner who completed the Boston Marathon in the neighborhood of 3:16-3:18. He was targeting 3:10 but, considering the headwind yesterday and the difficulty of the course, a very, very strong showing! Race report to come?! Also, congratulations to The Running Laminator on an unbelievably awesome time, Ovens2Betsy for a terrific race, and Frayed Laces for a gutty performance! And any others that I missed...

30 comments:

chia said...

Can it be taken intravenously?

Xenia said...

Magic in a bottle? I thought that was vicodin.

Spike said...

perhaps, if you were brave enough to share Biofreeze with Ms. Nitmos, she may be more understanding.

Spartan7 said...

That two-timing wench. (Oh, how I love her three syllable name.) I heard of her from the many WDW marathon runners that came before me. I thought there was no way she could be THAT GOOD. I was wrong. I ran the train of sweaty athletes to feel her on my skin after the 09 Mickey.
(This just sounds so bad.)
I can't wait to meet her Big 5 gallon sister while I'm doing the back to back races in 2010.
She's the whole reason doing Disney is so expensive!

RawBodyGoddess said...

Oh, I am SOOOOO hooking up with Madame Biofreeze. Hey, I can swing both ways in the name of pain relief!

Vanilla said...

You love to run? I should have known it. It's why you and I can never be friends.

Viper said...

What's the point of being a product whore if you don't get the benefit of free shit?

X-Country2 said...

Congrats to Hello Kitty!

tfh said...

Pump bottle biofreeze.

Mmmm.

You really should label posts with photos like this "NSF."

Vava said...

My MT uses this after every massage, and it feels pretty good. The other product that does the same thing in MyoMed, which also contains Menthol as the active ingredient. Tom Brady swears by that stuff (but he's paid to swear by it) so I will take your word over his!

Kristina said...

I loooooooove the biofreeze. And the podiatrist I buy it from is a total hottie, so I go through that stuff like crazy.

RazZDoodle said...

YOu and BioFreeze need to get a room.

Jess said...

I've used Biofreeze. I also use Absorbine, which I buy at my local farm supply store. It's for arthritic horses. Cheap and works like a charm.

Roisin said...

Nothing like feeling completely numb to take the edge off a run

Beth said...

I am clearly undermedicated. I will have to seek out some Biofreeze immediately, and maybe some vicodin as perscribed by Xenia.

Irish Cream said...

Ok, I honestly thought this stuff was an urban legend! My only marathon experience with anything remotely related involved some imitation crap that didn't help one bit. "I knew it was too good to be true," I thought at the time, as I choked on a cloud of chemical-y junk. I am relieved to know that the real thing does, in fact, live up to they hype! I am tracking it down pronto!

Viv said...

Biofreeze...man I wish you would have introduced me to her a while back.

Congrats to the HKR!!

theloosemoose said...

My dream night: Filling a tub with BioFreeze and just diving in up to my neck. This is, indeed, good shit.

Marci said...

I have never tried Biofreeze, I think it may be worth investigating. Poor Mrs. Nitmos...

nwgdc said...

True story about the 'Freeze:

In school I was a volunteer chiropractor for a local Salvation Army rehab center. We would provide care and physical therapy as needed for those that were there for care and those just arriving, who were in serious need of some care as they came off their high.
We used to hand out the 'Freeze to them, also, but had to stop. One guy was found to be using it for...errr...self stimulation.

I can't even imagine that, but I can attest to the fact it's a true story, as I was one of the people who removed all tubes from the clinic.

Marlene said...

The wind was intense, and I was just spectating!

I have never seen that Biofreeze but I think I'll try to get my hands on some before Goofy '10.

Shannon said...

Seriously, can you rub it on ANY part of your body?!? he he catching my drift?....

Velma said...

Poor Ms. Nitmos - next think we know you will going down to 8 mile to score some really good stuff.

Good work Mr. Hello Kitty!

Marcy said...

Tell me that you applied that stuff to your groin during Disney. I'm seriously LMAO at the thought of you sticking your Bio Freeze laden hands down your pants while other runners run by HAHA!

Marcy said...

*GAH! I meant "ran by"

Jess said...

My massage therapist used this on me legs once because they were so tight. It was pretty amazing

Ted said...

At first, I'd thought you were referring to KY Jelly. Sorry, I am not thinking clearly at this moment.

Rhoni said...

Oh yeah, that stuff is like the butter on my sweet potato...yum. I love Biofreeze, and they give it out for free at a lot of races I go to, and at my chiropractor's office, thank goodness, because it's expensive!

sRod said...

Damn it! All my jokes have been taken.

Does she work on stitches too?

Reluctant Runner said...

I imagine Mrs. Nitmos would be less annoyed by your dalliance with Ms. Biofreeze if you were a bit more judicious about the muscles you applied it to...