However, I don’t like to cramp. I cramp regularly. Seemingly monthly. Due to this, I get moody and irritable. Wait, wait….this isn’t going where I wanted it to go…
Back up. Rewind.
Do you ever sometimes have that, um, not so fresh feeling?
Crap, did it again. Rewind.
I love pounding out the miles during marathon training. In fact, even as my long run mileage grows, I start dreaming of greater distances. I get a raging case of mileage envy: Ultra marathons…transcontinental marathons…run across the Atlantic in an inflatable water ball (Amelia Earhart, eat your leather clad heart out.)
Then, the muscle cramps hit and my ultra dreams fade like an ill fated circa 1937 circumnavigational flight of the globe.
And then I saw her.
She sat innocently, sweetly by the table under the shade of the white tent. I thought she was a mirage. Her silhouette shimmering through the haze of a warm, bright sunny day. I was in pain. I was at mile 33 of a back to back half marathon/full marathon event. I reached out. She was there. She offered cooling relief to the touch. A wisp of her minty freshness tickled my nose. I was revived. I ran on. (Apparently, I was also inspired to write in short, choppy bad Hemingway sentences.)
Though the love of my life, Mrs. Nitmos, and the kids waited at the finish line, I met my new found mistress four more times before completing the event that day. She was irresistible. She is irresistible. She is cool. She is life. She smells wonderful. She loves three word sentences as much as I.
Or, as I call her, the Giver of Life. Hope When All Other Hope Fades. Magic in a Bottle.
I discovered her on the Slopes of Mt. Doom (i.e. an overpass aid station near the Disney Studios at the Disney Marathon) as my calves, groin, shin and abdomen (seriously!?!) muscles simultaneously revolted. One generous application and I could no longer feel my legs. And I could continue to run.
So far, the Disney Marathon is the only marathon that provided this aid station beauty. The other marathons have only had some cheap imitation whore. A roadside concubine for every Tom, Dick, and Brenda seeking relief.
I’ve bought my own now. When my IT band flared up recently, I slathered this gentle mistress on and let her do her work. When my calves felt twitchy, I gave them a rub with Madame Biofreeze and all was well.
Mrs. Nitmos isn’t entirely pleased with this arrangement. She was fine with her moving into the cupboard but less so with my insistence that she appear in the family portrait. Before long, the cupboard seemed too cold and lonely and I made plans to move my colt and filly into the same room so she could have her own space. Mrs. Nitmos nixed those plans but we compromised with bunk beds in my filly’s room (though I made sure Biofreeze got the top bunk!)
I plan to have her with me at the Flying Pig Marathon.
I’ll always run back to Mrs. Nitmos at the finish line but Biofreeze will be with me every step of the way. We’ll run. We’ll sweat. We’ll soothe. We’ll write short, manly Hemingway sentences. We’ll finish.
I recommend you do the same.
(Believe it or not, I was not asked to provide a review of this product or provided a sample. I was just that inspired. Find her at your local chiropractor's office, massage therapist, or medical supply office. No prescription needed.)
Congratulations to the Hello Kitty Mystery Runner who completed the Boston Marathon in the neighborhood of 3:16-3:18. He was targeting 3:10 but, considering the headwind yesterday and the difficulty of the course, a very, very strong showing! Race report to come?! Also, congratulations to The Running Laminator on an unbelievably awesome time, Ovens2Betsy for a terrific race, and Frayed Laces for a gutty performance! And any others that I missed...