Monday, March 23, 2009

Hello Hunger Pangs

Note: The following is a guest post by the mysterious Hello Kitty Mystery Runner who is currently training for the upcoming 2009 Boston Marathon. Please welcome this guest poster in an appropriate F.M.S. manner – by leaving deriding comments for him.

For 25,000 runners, March is the month of hunger.

Is unemployment the cause? Or is it the fact that there are 25,000 runners living in Africa, the place where our parents told us they would send our dinner if we didn’t like it when we were kids because “starving kids in Africa would love to eat that Tuna-Cornflakes-Velveeta-Broccoli casserole on your plate”. To think that all we would have had to say the first time we heard that as kids was, “Fine, I’ll get a box, mom, you get the stamps and let’s send it to them.” We would have never had to hear those words again. Not sure if it would have been worth the beating. But I digress.

By the way, I am not Nitmos.

I don’t look like him, don’t run like him, don’t be funny like him and don’t know the English language like him. I would like to say that my excuse for my writing style is that English is my second language, but it is not. I am just a product of the Michigan public school system.

I am called a lot of things, but around here, you can just call me the “Hello Kitty” runner. Yeah, that one, the one beloved by Eastern Europeans across Eastern Europe.

On April 20th, I will be running in the Boston Marathon. I have qualified for five Boston Marathons, but haven’t run it before. I am looking forward to an “Airport Taco-less” race, and a “positive split of 45 minutes-less” day.

Back to the month of hunger.

With the marathon only 28 days away, I am not at my goal weight (nor are about 24,000 other Boston Marathoners). I hope to lose another 2-3 pounds before the start of my taper in a week or so. What does that mean for me? Although I put in 50 miles per week on the roads, I don’t get to reward myself with Cheetos, Chik-fil-A chicken sandwiches, ice cream or anything else that I would like to eat. As I celebrated Nitmos’ birthday with him, his (saint of a) wife, the colt, the filly and his Garmin (pbtn), he cut the cake, passed out a slice to each of his family members (largest slice going to his Garmin (pbtn) ). With a smirk, he cut a piece for me, knowing that I would have to refuse or pay for the decision somewhere near the Johnny Kelley statue at mile 17 in Newton, MA. I passed and accepted Mrs. Nitmos’ generous offer of two small celery sticks. YUM! As I ate, the colt and filly scurried behind their mother and whispered in barely audible voices, “mommy, he scares us like how daddy scares us”.

Johnny "Kitty" Kelley

March has been a month of perpetual hunger for me, I wake up hungry, go to sleep hungry and, 5 minutes after dinner, I am hungry. And the weight still isn’t coming off. I feel like Sisyphus (not the disease, the Greek mythological character), but instead of rolling a boulder up a hill, I am rolling a Philly cheese steak sandwich, or perhaps a slice of cheesecake.

Now you would think that I could escape the temptation to eat at work, when I am away from my home’s refrigerator, but NOOOO! There is one that mocks my quest for weight loss at the office, a silent mocker. Down the hall from my office space standing sentinel is a llama piñata. I am sure it is chock full of Krackle candy bars, Jolly Ranchers, Snickers and other yummies (by the way, I hate it when adults say the word, “yummy” to other adults). I walk past this smug, mocking llama piñata several times a day and one of these days I am going to beat it with an old, smelly, Asics 2130, size 10. That day may be the “other” Fat Tuesday, Tuesday, April 21, 2009. Until then I shall continue to eat celery sticks, ice chips and glasses of water with “a very small” wedge of lemon.

Llama pinata (ed. note: apparently in bondage)

In the coming weeks I will be back to share with you my wardrobe for the race and believe me, if you are thinking, “I have just wasted four minutes of my life that I will never get back”, you will surely not want to miss the Boston Marathon fashion post. Until then…Hello.


__________________________________
Thank you, guest poster. Hopefully, he will bring me more exciting installments of his preparations for the big day!

I need content here.

13 comments:

Xenia said...

Nitmos, you need content? It's never stopped you before.

Hi HKR. I look forward to the fashion post...as long as it involves Hello Kitty.

Spike said...

HKR, it is imparative you destroy the llama piniata as quickly as possible, then send all 'yummy' treats to me. Thanks.

Lauren said...

They teach about Sisyphus and greek mythology in Michigan public schools, but can't teach English? They might need to rethink the curriculum.

Vanilla said...

"...by leaving deriding comments for him."

I guess you didn't get the memo. Deriding comments have been prohibited on the internets. I'm going to have to totally overhaul my quiver of comments.

Sneaker Sister said...

tuna-cornflakes-velveeta-broccoli casserole?? I don't blame you for wanting to send that off to Africa!

Jess said...

Is that The Llama?

Mannn I hated tuna casserole.

Carly said...

*shudder* I remember that tuna casserole.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I remember my niece wanted some Hello Kitty merchandise for her birthday. I ordered what I thought was a cheaper Eastern European knock-off I saw advertised in Hustler called "Greetings Pussy".

It was not exactly knock-off merchandise.

My niece was disappointed, so I said, "Fine! If that's how you feel, I'll keep all this fine 'Greetings, Pussy' latex merchandise myself AND all of the complimentary lotions and herpes folk remedies!"

I was not disappointed. I guess I'm just more mature than my niece.

jen said...

Hello, Hello Kitty! I am extremely jealous that you are running Boston and will be following your progress. Don't let me down!!

chia said...

I just called my mother to thank her for not ever ever ever making anything with velveeta or cans of tuna fish or anything out of a box with a scary cartoon character on it.

Nitmos should so get a Goodbye Kitty shirt.I think that would be epic.

Roisin said...

Tuna casserole is only acceptable during Fridays in Lent, so I'll let that one slide.

Welcome...looking forward to Fashion Week.

Stuart said...

Looking forward to the stylin' edition!

sRod said...

HKR--I feel you on the weight loss bit. But really, losing 2-3 pounds? That's a rounding error on your scale.