Wherein a yawning women ruins my day (and other language infractions)
I’m chatting with a co-worker the other day as I’ll reluctantly do from time to time. She’s droning on about something or another…blah blah blah son in college blah blah blah new TPS report...etc. I was busy calculating in my head planned paces for Sunday’s 10 miler so I really didn’t have any idea what she was saying. She stops, stretches her arms over her head, opens her mouth and yawns. Nothing unusual there except – as she does this – she says with mouth still agape “YAWWWNNN”.
Uh, what’s that all about? You were yawning so….you said Yawn?
Now I’m looking at her all crooked headed like a dog watching a butterfly. She continued on with her story but now, instead of calculating paces, I’m trying to determine what just happened. Then, she did it again. Arms up. Mouth open.
What in the hell is going on? Did I miss a memo somewhere? Are we supposed to verbalize our actions now? It’s not enough to simply do them but we actually have to say what we are doing? A verb is typically something that happens right? We can see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, etc. Its often unnecessary to actually put a word accompaniment to it.
Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against verbs. They’re some of my favorite things. Eat. Sleep. Run. Read. Listen. And, ahem, other stuff (winking at you Mrs. Nitmos). Just try to create a sentence without one. Not easy. :)
Once Sleepy McYawnslot finished her Tales of the Bland and Uninteresting, I wandered down to the break room for a pick me up coffee consumed with this idea of verbalizing our patently obvious actions. I met another co-worker – a fellow runner – so obviously we had to stop and compare notes. He mentioned his crazy ass 20 milers in this sweltering heat and, I thought, maybe I’d just try out this new concept Sleepy just inflicted upon me.
“Um, what?” He said. “What did you say?”
“I said ‘Guffawing’. In fact, big guffawing. I can’t believe you are hitting those miles in this heat.”
I could tell by the confused look he hadn’t been initiated into this new VV* movement. I wasn’t going to explain it. Let him wear it around like a saddle for the next few hours like I would be doing. And screw him for cranking out 20 miles in this humidity.
This is really obnoxious. Imagine the problems this could cause.
On my way back from the break room, I spotted my boss and tacked away from his path. The only word that came to mind was Loathe. I thought it best not to tempt it.
For the rest of the day, I mulled over this idea of verbalizing our verbs. It burrowed into my skull and nested like an intestinal parasite. It ruined my evening run. Turn up the mp3 as I might, I could not keep the verbs from running through my head and out my mouth.
Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Breathe. Run. Run. Run. Snot Rocket. Apologize. Clean (stranger’s leg). Run. Run. Run.
Enough. A decision was made. I’m going to go ahead and state I’m anti-VV. I don’t care if that makes me a verb bigot. Judge me all you want.
Type Type Type
* Verbalized Verb
Happy Father's Day this weekend! This is always a special time around the Nitmos home. It's my chance for me to tell my kids exactly what I think of them based directly on the quality of the gift I receive. I look forward to this all year. The over/under on my use of the word "ungrateful" currently sits at 4.
Five hard miles in the humidity last night. Again, I missed the Limbo for the 3rd straight time!
Miles of 6:54, 6:54 (hundredths of a second under the first mile according to Garmin!), 6:41, 6:51 (missed!), 6:39.