Thursday, January 21, 2010

Rocko

I have to admit that I wanted to get another post out here as soon as possible. That photo in my last post is increasingly giving me the willies. I don’t mind if it gives you the willies but me? That will not do. We are all into German thong erotica, I know, but there’s an essence in that photo that leaps off the page and threatens to haunt our dreams. Besides, it took me several months to pry the eastern European traffic off of this blog when I posted a picture of someone with Hello Kitty band-aids on his nipples back in 2008. Well, welcome back eastern Europeans!

I think my favorite part of that photo – and we all have a favorite part, no? – is the interesting choices the photographer made. It’s almost as if he said “Rocko, we are going to take some chances here today. Nothing is TOO embarrassing for you. Your humiliation can know no bounds. What I’m after is for the straps to sling over your shoulder as if they were tree branches and you jumped into a Speedo from a higher branch and are hanging there with an increasingly violent wedgie all the while sporting a mustache and an indifferent ‘come hither’ gaze.” Almost there! Work it…work it. Now tilt your head and pretend you don’t look totally ridiculous. Got it! Click.

At first, I thought it was just a creepy, funny picture of an old dude. But now I’m starting to see the photographer’s vision here. Notice how the thong straps run just outside of the areaola and the watch face points directly at the camera. The straps could have easily concealed the mipples…but didn’t. Why? It’s almost as if the photographer is forcing us to confront our inhibitions by juxtaposing them with the constantly moving watch hand, or “time”. We may get older…we may start doing things we regret to pay our rent at the retirement village…but we are never comfortable with an elderly man in a thong wedgie gazing suggestively at a camera. No matter the time. No matter the era. There’s a lot of layers of seductiveness in that photo. Ladies, feel free to peel them back and analyze. Plus, as an added bonus, if you stare at it long enough, it works like the video from the movie The Ring but, in this case, your soul merges with Rocko’s thong and becomes part of the thong-soul-quilt. Get your reservations in early, I suggest, or you might not get a good seat, if you know what I mean.

But this IS a running blog so I guess we should turn our attention away from disturbing seniors with ass floss and to the sport we all know and love. To that end, my five miler yesterday was the most carefree of the early year. A thaw has melted most of the running paths around here. Very little ice. I started at 7:18 pace and worked down mile by mile to a 6:32 pace before calling it a day. It was so nice to run without Yaktrax and without multiple layers that I just might go out for 6-7 more miles today too.

The uncharacteristically mild weather lately has made me dream of an early spring. Of blooming flowers and runs in shorts sans hat and gloves. Of dehydration and long run calve cramping. In short, a chance for me to break out my purple Speedo and run free again.

Guten Tag!

12 comments:

Irene said...

Um, Ewwww?

Happy running, sans Yaktrax and layers.

PS:
Word verification was nospines...
:)

Jamoosh said...

Um, perhaps working at home has led you to dark places most mortals do not want delve into. I can only appreciate the honesty of the picture and nothing more.

Ian said...

Just when I was thinking "well at least he didn't analyze the picture and give the guy a name," you go and post this.

Admit it, you're the photographer aren't you?

The Sean said...

(Looking away... looking away...)

Lily on the Road said...

*German thong erotica*

Just how many strange European hits have you had on your blog site in the last two day??? Just asking...

oh, word ver jaggi!! not jiggi

Jess said...

Seriously, you're just asking for ridiculous Eastern European hits these days.

Morgan said...

Did this post just really happen?

It did.

Wow.

As if yesterdays didn't leave me speechless enough...

Razz said...

Thanks for the analysis. I knew there was a backstory to this photo. Pun intended.

bgirl875 said...

So I came across your site searching for running blogs (new to running, struggling with all the new pains, hoping to find other people that were also in pain to make myself feel better). Then I pulled up yesterday's post. Now my mind is stuck on a senior in butt floss...arghhhhh!

I couldn't bare to add a comment to the post itself, so figured it'd be slightly less perverse to comment on the post about the post.
First question: As if the post wasn't bad enough, why a post about the post? It's as if you were saying, now that you are over the awful vision, here's a gentle reminder.
Second question: When analyzing the pic, how could you have overlooked the obvious "smiling" in his eyes. Damned America's Next Top Model. Now everyone thinks they can be a model. And WE all have to suffer sights like this.

Thanks for the future nightmares =P

David said...

It must be very cold and lonely where you live if you conclude that the photo could be categorized as "erotic" no matter what qualifier preceded.

Adam said...

Wow. You have thought way too much about butt floss.... And now I have. ( I think you have posted that on my blog before about something not quite as obscene)

Al's CL Reviews said...

Still shuddering