Friday, October 09, 2009

Mrs. Nitmos Does Detroit

I have to admit, this post title is a little more provocative than I intended. But I knew that you, the notoriously slack-jawed F.M.S. reader, would never make the connection so I let ‘er rip. Folks, hate to disappoint, but there is more to life than nose-picking, lottery tickets, 40 ouncers of malt liquor, vague references to 70’s era porno and this blog. Expand your horizons. There’s a whole series of vampire themed books out there. And vampire themed movies. And vampire themed TV shows. Cartoons. Anime. Merchandise. Oh, and vampire themed Halloween costumes. See? Lots of stuff.

My one and only first wife, Mrs. Nitmos, is part of our Detroit Marathon (Oct. 18) relay team, the Steers Long Distance Project. We’ll be toeing the line 9 days from now in sunny (overcast) and beautiful (dilapidated) downtown (burnt out) Detroit (not Chicago)! Not only will Mrs. Nitmos be doing Detroit, the entire four person team will be doing Detroit! It’ll be a regular ole gang…never mind.

This will be Mrs. Nitmos’ first race ever and I’m pretty proud of her for putting in the training, overcoming a hip injury*, complaining about having to go for a run, but slavishly doing it anyway and sucking the enjoyment right out of the event. You’re a runner now, hon!

We’ve had a series of unfortunate events leading to this relay: One team member decided to violently push his face into the dashboard of his ATV just to experience broken ribs and a wired jaw. Selfish! After that, our five person team became four. And I became two people** as far as the relay is concerned. One relay member – a non-runner - is hoping to start his training soon so you can guess how his 4.4 mile leg might go. Mrs. Nitmos’ hip injury has finally healed. And then, to top it off, the Detroit Marathon folks made us all run out and buy passports, since the race goes briefly into Canada, and then subsequently (really, at the last possible minute before you would never get your passport in time for the race) decided that only the people actually running into Canada needed the passport. By then, our team had already shelled out the bucks amidst much grumbling about how much this relay was costing. Screwed for being pro-active!

Turns out, after all the musical chairs of leg assignments, I’m the only one that needed the passport as I’ll be doing the first two legs: into Canada over the bridge and back into the U.S. through the underwater tunnel for a total of 12.2 miles.

The thing I’m most excited about is the chance for Mrs. Nitmos to be part of a marathon event rather than waiting patiently for hours on end at a finish line. I’m hoping she gets the full experience: the cheering crowds, the wayward snot rocket, the adrenaline rush, the a-hole spectator who shouts “Almost there!” when you are no where close to being done, and, of course, the grabbing, painful calf cramp. Well, maybe not the calf cramp. I’ll save that just for myself. Apparently.

Though I tease Detroit – it’s an easy target after all – the race is actually pretty cool. And the city itself needs some sympathy. It’s like the punch drunk former champion with cauliflower ears and arthritic hands trying to rise off the mat before the 10 count. You can’t help but cheer it on.

The SDLP will be doing Detroit. Mrs. Nitmos will be doing the north end neighborhoods, specifically. All of us will be leaving with a satisfied smile on our face. After all, who knows if we’ll ever do it again. Who knows if Mrs. Nitmos will ever run another race? Probably not in Detroit anyhow.

Nobody wants sloppy...never mind.

Happy trails.

* Her first runner’s injury. Brought a tear to my eye like when you see your child take his first steps. Or when your favorite college team wins the Rose Bowl.
** This is actually a reduction for me as well since I generally consider myself having the “strength of 10 men.”

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Good luck to all of the Chicago marathoners this weekend!!
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I see many of you are envious that I'll be working from home from now on. One person asked about the fate of Cube Farter. I'll let him know you were concerned. Yes, me, Cube Farter, all of us will be going home to work. It wasn't just me that was evicted. I've already reworked the family budget to lower the amount spent on gas and shampoo but raise the amount spent on toilet paper and coffee. (Unless I can steal enough supplies before I leave...)

26 comments:

Sun Runner said...

I'll keep an eye out for ya. Even though I'm not running, I will most likely be there to cheer on the people from my training group who are running.

Vanilla said...

Congrats on bringing another sucker into the running fold. There's no escaping for her now. Before you know it she'll be asking to write posts on your blog and your readers will like her posts more than yours.

Al's CL Reviews said...

"putting in the training, overcoming a hip injury*, complaining about having to go for a run, but slavishly doing it anyway and sucking the enjoyment right out of the event."

Such an accurate description!

Good luck!

X-Country2 said...

So does that make Mrs. Nitmos the Marissa Tomei in your beat down fighter analogy?

Just kidding. I hope she loves it. Girl power!

saundra said...

My spouse also refers to me as his "first wife". And occasionally will follow it up with "My next wife will be...(insert adjective here.)"

Running and living said...

This post shows a different side of FMS, shall I call it "sensitive"? On a completely different note, I think calf cramps are men's injury. I have never heard of a woman getting calf cramps. We get ITB, runner's knee and bursitis, but never calf cramps.

Marlene said...

Go Mrs. Nitmos!! (and team)

Jess said...

Good luck to everyone! I hope Mrs. Nitmos has an awesome time in her first race!

Kristina said...

Do you have to go through customs and get your passport stamped at the tunnel?

Viper said...

Don't suffocate in that tunnel. Good luck Mrs. Nitmos.

Ace said...

I think there has to be some hilarious by line for any mention of the "Detroit Marathon" but I'm still too busy puking after watching the Tigers' gag job to come up with any...

Go Mrs. N!

Marci said...

Good luck Mrs. Nitmos!!

Spike said...

I'm sure Mrs. Nitmos' time will be faster than yours.

I prefer to think of Detroit as the rustic woman smoking and coughing and all alone at the bar; after a few drinks you start to think the she is a lovely lady with great charm.

joyRuN said...

Good luck, Mrs. Nitmos!!!

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

congrats and good luck to the mrs.

KimsRunning said...

Good Luck Mrs Nitmos!!! I had to laugh @Kristina asking about getting PP stamped in the tunnel....LOL

Have FUN!!!

theloosemoose said...

Have a GREAT race, Team Nitmos! Can't wait to read all about it.

Mike G said...

12.2 miles may be the perfect distance - just short enough to do it fast - I bet you'll kill it!

Lily on the Road said...

Good Luck Mrs. Nitmos!

Ted said...

Rock on Mrs. Nitmos ! Good Luck on your first race.

B.o.B. said...

As usual I am late to this party. But if you all go to the expo please stop by the Women's Running Magazine booth. Or at least have Mrs. Nitmos do so. I'll hook her up. (I can hook you up with the pink t-shirt too if you are so inclined.)

sRod said...

Very many good wishes to the Mrs.

Also, SDLP = Steers Long Distance Project? Really? You fail me.

Irish Cream said...

Yeah, Mrs. Nitmos! Good luck in Detroit!

Morgan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
David said...

So, you're workign from home and you it takes you all day to write a race report?

Not that I'm curious or anything.

Reluctant Runner said...

Can't wait to hear how it went.

Also, congratulations on getting to visit Canada whenever you want! Poutine, beaver tails and Tim Horton's coffee is yours for the taking. (And because it's Canada, none of those are as obscene as they sound. Except maybe the Tim's.)