Monday, July 20, 2009

Interactive Nitmos

It’s Monday and while everyone is sulking in their coffee and looking to F.M.S. to brighten their day (you do this right?) I thought I’d stimulate your 5 senses with, well, me. If you think this sounds frightening, wait ‘til we get to Taste.

Sight

Here’s a comparative study of two different 5k finishes. My last two 5k finishes in fact. Besides the shirt, you can barely detect any difference right down to the smarmy look on my face. I’m feeling generous today so I didn’t steal the photos from the photographers web site. You’ll have to do the clicking yourself. But, remember, you get to see me so it’s worth it!

Here’s me checking my pulse in 5k finish #1.

Here’s me checking my pulse in 5k finish #2.

See why I don’t buy race photos anymore? How many pictures of myself stopping Garmin do I need?

Sound

There’s another podcast up for Banned on the Run, episode 2. More talk of loosely running related topics. Believe it or not, we are trying to get better so bare with us as we refine the format. They say a team is only as good as its weakest member. Anchors aweigh! We’ll keep dragging him through the sand! We need some feedback from you though. Constructive feedback. Or actionable slander. Either way is fine for us. Leave some comments at the podcast home. If you think we would take offense (we would) and you don’t want to leave your name (coward) go ahead and leave anonymous comments. At the very least, that would take us a few extra minutes to track the comment back to your server. But there would always be that unknown as to whether we matched the comment to the correct person, so rest easy. We could never prove definitively that you are the Class A jackhole.

Touch

This is where things get weird. I’m sending coded messages through your computer. If you place your fingertips on either side of your monitor and repeat “All hail Nitmos” over and over again (alternate saying available: “Death to llamas”) you’ll eventually receive a transmission directly into your brain. You can take a little of me home with you. Here’s the scrambled transmission I’m sending but, if you decipher it visually, you’ll never let me inside your head like a viral Trojan horse.

EB RUSE OT RDNKI ORUY LETOIVAN

Taste

The folks at POM Wonderful sent me some of their 100% pomegranate juice to check out. I won’t bore you with another review as we’ve seen them everywhere. I will say however that one of the many benefits they promote is that regular drinkers are 50% more likely to experience erectile improvement. I gave an audible Hrmpf at that. Me and erectile improvement? That’s like saying Michelangelo’s Statue of David needed a few extra lumps of clay. And what about the ladies? Do you shop for juice based on erectile improvement rating? But whatever. I’ve been drinking it for the past several mornings. It tastes pretty good. Hard to say if I feel healthier but I sure don’t feel worse. Truth be told, it has seemed to promote a nice early morning bowel cleansing. My Ex Lax is going in the garbage. Which brings us to….

Smell

Nah, I won’t do that to you. You know I like to keep things high brow around here. A poop joke is just too easy. Besides, I’ve already covered that in the well worn Cube Farter story.

I’ve hidden a few scratch and sniff spots all over this site. Go ahead scratch and then sniff your monitor. You’ll be surprised at what you smell. I’m not going to tell you where to scratch – that ruins the fun for me and everyone sitting near you – but you might want to check out those race photos again. Ever wonder what I smell like as I cross the finish line? Three distinct odors. See if you can pick them all out. One of them rhymes with 'bale feese'.

Now that you’ve gotten to know me so much better, probably time for a shower. Then, shots.

Happy trails.

21 comments:

Xenia said...

A crummy commercial?? Sonofa...

Sun Runner said...

I already did this post...like six months ago. How unoriginal can you get? I just know you're copying me because I'm so awesome. ;)

As far as race pics go, my own Garmy-checking has gotten so pervasive I now make an effort to keep my eyes UP at the finish to get at least one good picture of me.

X-Country2 said...

I would comment on your race pics, but there was so much skinny man flesh on the second one that I lost my train of thought. I'm easily distracted like that.

Marci said...

Interesting review of POM wonderful.... I wonder who is getting fired for sending you a sample today. Nice race pics, I do the same thing with my watch.

Marlene said...

I try not to hit the stop button until after passing the finish line and photographers, but I'm telling you, I am ITCHING to hit that button for those few seconds. It causes serious anxiety but I want good finish line photos!

Running and living said...

If you still have enough energy to check your pulse, stop the Garmin after crossing the finish line, then you are not working hard enough! You should be puking, and falling on the ground ala Dire Tune:)
Ana-Maria

Kristina said...

1. Kudos on shaking things up by wearing a different shirt to race.

2. If you hadn't said you were checking your Garmin, I'd have thought it was your mirror. Are you really one of those people who wears the face of a watch on the underside of their wrist? Why, why, why?

Al's CL Reviews said...

At least you get photographed. I run so slowly, that the photographers have already packed up.

Jeri said...

Did that dude next to you take first in the Skeleton division? Aye aye aye.

Viper said...

Way to send us a post COD. Boo.

Spike said...

love the race picts, nothing better than being consistent. oh, and I scratched all over my monitor, and I got nothing, any hints?

RunToFinish said...

"better so bare with us" i think that POM must be doing something if you are asking us all to bare things...rather than bear with you

theloosemoose said...

Dude, eat a hamburger.

aron said...

haha love the pics... my finish line pics all tend to look the same too.

Adam said...

Which sense makes it burn when I pee? I think that I caught that one from you too.

Jess said...

It took me forever to use my box of POM. Makes a great mixer, by the way.

Betsy said...

Have just ordered 8x10 Nitmos pictures for my stalker journal.

sRod said...

I just got a note from the POM people too. They must be making the running rounds.

Thanks for the complete sensory submersion--although I think it gave me a rash.

PinkAsphaltMama said...

Be sure to drink your late vino?

Apparently I'm not cool enough to decipher the coded message.

Stuart said...

Can you not touch yourself without looking!?!

PinkAsphaltMama said...

Did you know that All Hail Nitmos can be rearranged to spell:

Llama Shin Toil

Hmmmmmmm