Thursday, April 19, 2012

That'll Do Pig

It’s important to take time to congratulate yourself on a run well done or a race well raced or a well well welled.    I mean, you don’t need to go crazy with confetti and champagne over every little run.   You could go crazy with balloons.  Balloons are always fun and appropriate, after all.*  But there’s nothing wrong with metaphorically patting yourself on the back on occasion.

We all have race mantras to help push through the tough times….Don’t give up….Dig deeperHurry up, I’m crowning…things like that.  Do you have a Go To back pat to celebrate a nice training run?

I used to use the crass and vulgar FUCK YEAH!  That didn’t win me too many friends when I ended each run by breaking the line of hand-holding kindergartners on their way to a park led by their teacher like I was breaking the tape at Boston.  I’d thrust my hands in the air as I split between little Susie and little Johnny and scream FUCK YEAH because damn if those two kids at the “break point” weren’t absolutely howling over their skinned knees.  Uh, got a little celebration going on over here, let’s not ruin it you Debbie Downers.  Skinned knees heal but a nice run lasts forever in the training log. 

Over time, you might say I’ve become more of a minimalist celebrant.  I no longer shout vulgar words.  I don’t mow down kindergartners with a strong finishing kick.  They've re-routed.  Instead, when it feels right, when that run went just as planned, I usually allow a little smile and a softly muttered, That’ll do pig.

That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

You’ll remember that line from Babe (1995) as the dignified and demure Farmer Hoggett recognizes the triumphant Babe’s sheep herding skills before a raucous crowd by gently smiling, That’ll do pig, that’ll do.  That always seemed like a classy and concise way to sum up a job well done.

I’m an understated kinda fella so this low key celebration fits better than the violence, vulgarity and blood of my old ways.  In fact, I find That’ll do pig is appreciated in many settings. Receive good service at a restaurant?  Shoot a That’ll do pig at the waitress and enjoy the surprised look in return.  On your way out from Sunday church, a pastor or priest or rabbi or shaman or Chief Scientologist (?) equally appreciate a That’ll do pig.  My kids clean up their filthy sty bedrooms? That’ll do pigs.  Finish a considerate meeting at an Overeater’s Anonymous Club? That’ll do pig.

I use it everywhere.  I’ve found that it’s a nice way to convey appreciation in all but two situations: (1) after sex and (2) when Mrs. Nitmos spends time making a thoughtful Lasagna dinner with a wonderful salad and exhaustedly sets it in front of you after her long tough day at work.  Something’s lost in the translation in those two settings where That’ll do pig somehow becomes something of an insult, I guess.

I hope you find your own self congratulatory way to celebrate a good run whether it’s vulgarity, assaulting school children, or swine references.  Give yourself a That’ll do pig on occasion because, Pig, you deserve it. Everyone else is sitting on their couch whereas you are actually out doing something.

Maybe another time I’ll tell you about my in race mantra.  It’s also from Babe.  I really should watch other movies.  Did Chipwrecked come out on DVD yet?


Happy trails, pig.

*Mrs. Nitmos and I have a long standing disagreement over a business venture plan of mine.  I believe most people would like to have a balloon as much as possible in their daily lives.  I would like to sink the family fortune into a "Balloon Saloon" serving all different shapes and sizes of balloons – largest selection in the Midwest!  Our professional Balloontender will pour air or helium or a nitrogen or whip-its or whatever you order into your professional balloon.  She thinks this is folly.  I think Balloon Saloon/internet café is the next Great Wave of retail – think Krispy Kreme.  I’m sure you agree with me.  Who doesn’t like a balloon?  And who wouldn’t want a professional balloon served by a professional balloontender?

Congratulations to 2012 Boston Marathon winner Wesley Korir and Sharon Cherop.  Both of their times were depressed due to the heat of the day.  Like last year, I’m sure their times will be shaved down a bit to account for the hot weather, right?  I mean, last year’s winner didn’t have his world record recorded as such due to the “helpful” weather so this year’s winners should have a couple minutes shaved off their times due to the “hurtful” weather right?  Well, either way, congrats.  That’ll do pigs, that’ll do.


Viper said...

Didn't you feel cheated by how depleted the field was for this year's Boston. Glad to see an American make the Top 5, but who the hell is he? Where's Ryan and Meb and Dathan and Shalane and Deena and Kara? Oh yeah, preparing for a race 99 days from now. What, three months isn't enough recovery time for you, pigs? Lame.

Sun Runner said...

I say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." (Finding Nemo)

Deb said...

I'm thinking about making a slight substitution and trying, "That'll do, Moose."

So do you need investors for your Balloon Saloon? Count me in. 'Cause I don't see how this idea can fail!

Char said...

Laughed so hard at the mental image of you breasting the hand-tape of kindergartners and yelling self-congratulatory expletives. Gold!

Elizabeth said...

Recently, my mantra while running has been "f*&k this." Go ahead and try it. It's cathartic.

Drea said...

Ha ha!!! So good. Tell a waitress "That'll do pig!". Ha ha ha!!! I got my Halo mantra. Weird in its own right. I do like Fxck Yeah! Classic that one is.

Danielle in Iowa in Seattle said...

I'm still waiting to be recognized for my world record that I surely would have set had it not been for such "environmental factors" as weighing twice as much as a Kenyan.

My Marathon Training Program said...

Oh that was a fun read! I still swear after I finish a good run during my marathon training program. A big "Fuck Yeah!" just simply does it for me and I don't feel a bit guilty at all.

Thanks for this post!

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Beth (i run like a girl) said...

Given your love of balloons and of bizarre compound words, I thought you'd like the first entry here:

Clarice said...

I just commented this on a friend's post of her first themed cake, Lego block. She didn't get it and thought I called her a pig. Her bf wouldn't share the source of my insult because he was enjoying laughing at her. Appartently her whole family got in on the joke. I didn't know there were still people that had never seen Babe! I was going to post a YouTube video of it or a picture and came across your blog instead....funny. that'll do pig, that'll do.