Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Mirror Coach Reflects

Every now and again, we should all take time for some personal reflection. I spend most of my day in front of a mirror but that’s for purely aesthetic reasons.* About this time last year, I dramatically announced that I was firing my beloved running coach (me) and replacing him (me) with a bizarro coach (also me) that would shake things up by ordering training in complete reverse of how I had been doing it previously. The goal was to approach race preparation in a different manner. To move out of the comfort zone. To increase performance and speed by introducing a few new hastily internet-researched techniques. Or pills….lots and lots of pills, made no difference to me.

I named him (me) Mirror Coach because that’s just how obviously funny I am around here.

Mirror Coach was to be my salvation…my stern father figure, quick to scold but slow to praise – a bizarro Mr. Brady…a real impatient s.o.b. taskmaster. In short, the tone of Mirror Coach would be noticeably harsher and less tolerant but the handsome? Still the same! In fact, when I wink and give Mirror Coach a double hand pistol shot into the mirror, he simultaneously does it right back! We are sooo on the same page.

As training ramps up for the year, it’s time to evaluate his (my) performance last year. It’s time to see if another dismissal is in order or if Mirror Coach gets another one year lease.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the fairest of them all?

You know what, Mirror Coach, don’t answer that. We haven’t seen the sun around here much over the past few months.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the fastest of them all?

Okay, don’t answer that either.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
What did we do right last year?

You, my Nitmos, completed many 800’s, mile intervals, and Limbo runs which greatly aided your PR half marathon efforts! Your mid-week 8-10 mile Limbo runs were particularly strong and a main reason for your half marathon PR.

Positive reinforcement, I like that. Mirror Coach is a pretty cool guy. He’s well hung.**

Mirror, mirror on the wall
What did we do wrong last year?

Nitmos, there are others faster than you. We should have done more mile repeats and less 800's based on the distance we were training for. We should have added an additional day of running into the week. We should have raced more. You should have spent more time running rather than looking in the mirror asking yourself if "your Garmin makes you look fat." I pushed you harder but…not hard enough. And, yes, that is what she said.

Well maybe Mirror Coach should have spent more time on actual professional running coaches websites stealing learning their training tips and less time in the Glee fan club forums.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
What’s in store for me this year?

I see a large event marathon, NYC Marathon, that will require lots of preparation. I see more mile repeats. I see the intense mid-week Limbo runs bumping up to the 10-12 mile range. I see a gentle nudging up of speed and endurance compared to the half marathon stuff last year. “Gentle nudging” because, as you know, Mirror Coach subscribes to the long-term goal of slow building – while simultaneously keeping you injury-free – rather than the short term, injury-risking spikes in distance, pace or intervals. In short, be ready to sweat a lot under the summer sun. Mirror Coach also believes there is still plenty of time left over for Glee fan club forums in the schedule.

I think I’ll retain Mirror Coach for another year. He may be a bit surly and in desperate need of a nose hair trimmer but he can internet click for training techniques as well as any coach on the market! And he’s free! If you would like to use Mirror Coach for your running needs, let me know and it can be arranged. Send me your name, mailing address, $30, and the nearest location of a Bed, Bath and Beyond in your area.

Should I fail to meet my expectations? Should I fail to increase speed and endurance? Should I fail to employ the proper techniques found through 7-8 diligent minutes of research on the internet? I’ll place the blame directly where it belongs: on my coach, of course. He’s a reflection of my performance after all.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who’s the handsomest of them all?

Who can compete with those wavy curls!?!

Mirror Coach is a bit of smart ass. I wonder where he gets that from?

Have you checked in with your Mirror Coach lately?

Happy trails.

*If you were me, wouldn’t you?
**Get it? Yeah, you get it. Mirror humor, not as easy as it looks!


drea said...

Oh, my mirror coach isn't even answering reflections these days. Damn.

Elizabeth said...

My mirror coach told me less wine and more sit-ups. ... sigh... she's no fun.

Beth said...

Well, Mike Brady sure did give me a laugh. Sounds like you are getting some good advice from your coach. Good luck this season!

Spike said...

My mirror coach laughs when I get out of the shower.

Viper said...

My mirror coach could beat up your mirror coach.