Thursday, December 29, 2011

2012 Presents...

Did we all survive Christmas? How many bottles did it take? For me, it was four…but I’m not going to tell you what size they were or what A.P.V. You’ll just have to guess. In fact, I’ll have to guess too. They don’t put that kind of information on ethanol jugs.

You can read my title line either way you wish: 2012 Presents, as in what Alfred Hitchcock used to do, or 2012 Presents, as in little sparkly wrapped treats I’ll be giving you in the next year. Again, I’m not going to decide for you. Ever try to write a blog post with a corn booze hangover? Decisions aren’t easily made.

But first, a look back: 2011 was a casual running year for me. I ran only two half marathons (or one full marathon depending on if you are a pessimist or an optimist). No 5ks. No 10ks. No relays. No jingle runs. No costume runs. No runs with friends where we mug for the camera and make an over excited WOOOO! sound that annoys everyone but the people involved with the photo. Nothing. Two wonely wittle waces. As formal events go, it’s my lightest year since the death of Kim Jung Il. If I was grading my race preparation and effort, they’d go like this:

Bayshore Half Marathon (May – 1:26:37): A-
Capital City River Run Half (September – 1:27:27): B+

Certainly decent scores. Those kinds of scores would get me in to the local community college and Michigan State University. However, not enough to get me into the state’s big enchilada, the University of Michigan. In other words, I definitely phoned a few interval runs in this year. I realized this when I started deciding how tired I was before I even started the first interval of a set. That is some serious half empty stuff right there. Or is it half phone? There I go mixing metaphors again. I mean to say, if a bear shits in the woods, it’s worth a bird in the hand.

ONWARD 2012!

Unless the Mayans are right, this should be a fantastic year! If they are correct, then it’ll at least still be very memorable. That’s called a win-win. I have a list of vows for the coming year. A statement of intents. As you would expect from this blog, there is a mix of running intents, non-running intents, surreal intents, disgusting intents, and very few purposes. We should all set goals in life. Goals are what we use to determine our level of failure and measure our disappointment in ourselves. They are very important.

Here are my 12 goals for 2012:

· Run the New York Marathon
· Eat at Chili’s less.
· Finally set a respectable 10k PR (i.e. run a second 10k!?!)
· Come to terms with fireworks: moderately fun or a colossal waste of time?
· Explore barefoot running (i.e. become a hippie). Immediately reject barefootism in favor of a hot shower.
· Fewer "arraignments".
· Use less profanity on this blog, around my kids, your kids, the neighbor kids, and the elderly. In addition, stop using profanity as a verb, as in I was motherfucked by that scowling mom because I called her hyper kid a ‘shit stain’. Also, celebrities are not verbs. I was not Sheened when I drank too much. I was not Tresseled by the cable company when they lied to me. I’ve never been Sanduskyed.
· Set another new half marathon PR. How ‘bout we get under 1:26 this coming year?
· Eat more carrots, less Tootsie Rolls.
· Use the word “veiny” less. I can see it’s really starting to turn people away from me.
· Decrease the amount of double entendres I use in daily conversation. I’ve thought about this long and hard.
· Run a relay (or two) with Mrs. Nitmos.

There you go, that’s my 12 for 12! Have you made your 12 for 12 list? Better get on that. Unless you provide the measuring tool, we’ll never be able to judge your failures in the coming year.

Now, back to that grain alcohol…

Have a Safe and Merry Christmas New Year.*

Happy New Year.

*Is “New Year” okay? I can’t remember what is offensive and what’s not these days…


Jamoosh said...

It's amazing how one, small, potentially insignificant fact can put you in a different class of poeple. Now, you are probably saying to yourself, "I should not have mentioned 'ethanol jugs.'" But that would be incorrect. Chili's? Really? Sigh... May that, at least, be one of the twelve you see success with.

The Sean said...

Here's to failure! and laughter

Happy New Year

ShutUpandRun said...

Have a veiny motherfucked new year.

Love the list. Might have to copy it. Except that I'm hoping to increase my use of profanity and I'll never have a 1:26 or less half pr.

Jill said...

I don't know, it will be hard to top the lofty goals of 2011, two races is pretty taxing but 3 or more may throw you out of whack. Thankfully you threw in Chili's! Happy New Year. If that was offensive to ya', oh well.

Teamarcia said...

Crap it's time for new goals? I can't even remember if I set any last year. Maybe I'll just borrow yours, if you don't mind...except for the Chili's one. I definitely need Chili's in my life in 2012.
Happy New Year (hopefully not shit stained) to you and yours!

Michael Taricani said...

Impressive half marathon times. If you cut out the booze, tootsie rolls, and Chili's you might qualify for the Olympics! But probably not have as much fun.

Drea said...

Hey you are running NYC!!!! Awesome! 12 resolutions. That's good. I will have to think. I can't think of one. Too many bottles at Xmas. But I go grapes not corn. It's a California thing!

Elizabeth said...

I like those resolutions. They are all very positive. I don't think there is anything wrong with the word veiny...unless you use it in the same sentence as "long" and "hard." Happy New Year!!!

Danielle in Iowa in Seattle said...

If you dip the carrots in chocolate, they will surely resemble tootsie rolls.

Rachel said...

I think you should use more profanity. Way, way more. For example. You should always precede the word "motherfucker" with "motherfucking" - i.e. "That motherfucking motherfucker motherfucked me".

Carry on..

JennyMac said...

Cheers to your goals. And I am great about refraining from using profanity on my blog and in front of my the car when someone does something idiotic on the highway? Not so stellar. lol. Happy New Year!

Michael said...

Hey there...congratulations on making the Top 20 !!!