Thursday, September 11, 2008

Walk It Off

I’m trying on a new walk.

A few days ago, I caught a reflective glimpse of something while walking towards a nondescript office picture. The picture is one of those generic serene-sail-boats-moored-in-the-pastel-harbor scenes that you never notice except when your own motion shifts the light and shadows of the image causing you to look deeper into the picture for the source of the ghostly movement. A quick inspection revealed the masculine, well proportioned, brimming with smartocity* phantom to be…me.

As with any reflective surface, I paused, thought about combing my hair but then suddenly pulled a Fonzie and put the comb away. Did Da Vinci “touch up” the Mona Lisa after slapping some paint on canvas and kicking it out the door? Don’t think so. And there’s another Basic Tenet of Nitmoism: "If it’s good enough for Da Vinci, it’s good enough for me.”

Normally, I’m carrying a coffee cup, important papers, or an undeserved sense of entitlement when I glide through the office. Bearing these burdens, I’m fairly well weighted down forcing my movement to be confined to typical Mr. Khaki Pant Wearing Office Guy. Without this restriction, my arms were going crazy. I was flopping them back and forth like I had ski poles attached and pumping for the home stretch in a cross country ski competition. How did I get so…jaunty? I’ve refined a legendary office hallway scowl that keeps my co-workers at bay and unnecessary stories of offspring accomplishments away from my desk. (The snot rocket isn’t just for running, I always say.) This whole happy go lucky strut I had going on would ruin all of the carefully constructed badwill I had built up over the years.

So, it’s time for a new walk. I was getting tired of the old one anyway. Besides, I want one that has a little dipsy doo in it to give me some white suburbia gangsta street cred.** The kind of street cred that says ‘Yeah, I’m probably just your average thirty something family man but maybe – just maybe – I’m stewing crystal meth in the garage.’ So, I’ve slowed down and put in a little delayed drag of my left shoulder and hip giving me an irregular, offbeat cadence. It looks cool. It looks suspiciously crystal methy. And decidedly anti-pumpkin.*** Mission accomplished.

So what does all of this have to do with running? About as much as dancing cartoon elephants have to do with a true portrayal of drunken visions. That is, not much. Has anyone actually deliriously envisioned dancing elephants when plastered? If Warner Bros. can pull that off, then I can make this connection between my new awesome walk and running injuries.

You see, my right hip hurts now. It didn’t before my new walk. I remember hearing that the #1 problem with running while injured is that, unconsciously, you tend to favor the injury, subtly modifying your normal gait. In the end, this often leads to a second, sometimes more severe injury than what you had to begin with. This is why the normal recommendation, when presented with a minor injury, is to take a break and treat it. Your left calve injury may lead to a left hip injury as you tried to adjust the pressure to a different part of your leg. Compounding, compounding, compounding….Great for your savings, bad for your body.

I think I’ll follow my own terrific advice and go back to my normal office strut though with a little less jaunt. I’ll also make sure to have something in my hands from now on.

As for the anti-pumpkin vibe I’d still like to emit? I’m working on my “F*ck Pumpkins” signs right now. Join the club.

Happy trails.


* In case you are wondering, smartocity does reflect.
** I probably should stop saying “dipsy doo” then, right?
*** Excuse me for saying but a true “vegetable” doesn’t double as a light fixture.

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Steer Mike completed Dance With Dirt over the weekend. As did Lisa. Check out their reports.

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Mrs. Nitmos and I passed the lucky 13th anniversary threshold Tuesday. You may give her your condolences if you wish though I think she's spectacularly lucky. I'd love to be married to me. Happy Anniversary, hon!

36 comments:

Marcy said...

Did you have the saggy pants? It's all about the saggy pants, homie!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY guys! I bet the Mrs went out and got herself a gun as a present. Shoot herself or shoot you, it's a win/win situation :P

Sarah said...

I think you should look into becoming part of the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Kristina said...

Uh-oh. I read that 13 is the pumpkin anniversary. At 13 years, I would say a special congrats are in order for Mrs. Nitmos for obvious marital endurance.

Wendy said...

Congrats on the anniversary! What a lucky gal she is. ;)

Big said...

In an attempt to gain some street cred at my office, I put on these neat little fake bullet hole stickers on my car. I wouldn't put real bullet holes in my car--that would hurt the resale value. But the fake stickers are extremely realistic and have helped me increase my office reputation as a G.

Congrats on the anniversary.

tfh said...

I'm surprised you didn't come up with the most logical response yet, which was tearing down all moderately reflective pictures of sailboats in your office.

Happy anniversary! Since I can interpret mantalk I know what you really meant was "I'd hate to be married to me. This woman is a saint," which was very sweet/true of you to mean.

Merry said...

Want some squash? Hey, they're quite useful. You can scoop out the squishy part and use the shell to make meth.
(I love starting spurious rumors.)

Xenia said...

Condolences to the Mrs. Sainthood comes at the 15 year mark, right?

A pumpkin is also a type of dome. Yes, I know I'm a dork...

Vanilla said...

Sounds like you were working on your Keyser Soze walk.

Congrats on the anniversary.

Vava said...

Yes, make sure you wear baggy clothes that would (in theory) lead others to suspect your packing something other than cut abs... On the injury tip, my physio asked me if I could try running with a metronome to make sure my knee problem doesn't lead to something worse on the other side. I haven't tried this yet, but have definitely been more conscious of evening out my running pattern. Happy 13th!

Vava said...

Damn it! I wrote "your" instead of "you're"! Please forgive...

*aron* said...

happy anniversary!!!!

RazZDoodle said...

Bad hip? What are you....70???

Happy Anniversary!

Paul said...

"smartocity?"

Don't you mean "smartassity?"

Lily on the Road said...

Happy Anniversary Mrs. Nitmos, (I think)...I still say you are an angel!

as for the jaunty walk...well Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein came to mind for some reason! LMAO!!

Look after your hip...seriously...

John at Hella Sound said...

Happy anniversary! 13 years is like a half-marital-thon (in made-up racing word speak). Here's to many more miles and years without nagging injury to both of you.

Melissa said...

Ah yes, the off-balance walk...and you're going to crock your gluteus medius, a muscle I discovered several years ago that is apparently the best kept secret of all the muscles because you have to use it for nearly EVERYTHING and I never heard of it before.

nwgdc said...

don't be afraid to sport a bandana, too. you can TOTALLY pull it off!

Marathon Me said...

You're an anti-pumkpin-ite ;)

What do you have against vegetables that can be used as lights and also scare away children? Better than most where all you can do is eat or throw them.

Plus they make a great sound when dropped off a parking garage into a dumpster. Not that I've ever done that, but its what i've heard.

Roisin said...

Happy Anniversary!

Pumpkins are a rather devious in their own special way, aren't they?

joyRuN said...

"a little delayed drag of my left shoulder and hip giving me an irregular, offbeat cadence"...

Sounds like a limp to me. You better take care of that. ;)

Happy anniversary!

theloosemoose said...

Happy anniversary!! Mrs. Nitmos has endured thirteen years of sweaty, stanky post-marathon spooning. And God knows what else. That's true love.

chia said...

We may have both mentioned street cred... but the odd thing is I made TWO (count'em...TWO) Dumbo references today.

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Hey, way to go on 13 years with the same person. That takes some work. Congrats!!

Paul said...

Re: your commment on my site. So far I am a complete bust in terms of Masters Track All American achievements. However I have hit three Masters Road Racing standards. As you can see here, the rr standards are much easier than the track standards so I am not inclined to chest puffery or fist bumpery.

Marlene said...

Happy Anniversary! Ours was Wednesday, but we're 10 years behind. ;)

Can we see a video of your new saunter?

Ms. V. said...

All you need is a top hat and cigar.

Um, you're 30. Your hip is fine.

AKA Alice said...

Your blog completely makes me laugh...every. single. time...not fair, not fair, not fair...

Dude, you completely need a swagger to pull off the wanna-be gangster-street-cred-thing ...and Marcy's right, pants that barely hang on the crest of your butt...it's a chiropractor's dream...

KC Stine said...

You're right, the average street gangsta probably does not Dispy Doo.

Congrats to Mrs Nitmos for completing the half marathon of marriage.

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

Happy Anniversary

Marci said...

Happy Anniversary!

Michelle J said...

Your funny dude, you always make me giggle!!

A LOT!!!

Happy 13th anniversary!!!

Michelle

http://runningdowndreams.wordpress.com/

Roisin said...

The Flying Pig's a great race, whether you do the half or the full. I found it to be affordable (Cincinnati that is), really well organized, and friendly. There are some big time hills, which worried me, but ended up being not a problem at all. There's also stuff going on along the whole length of the course. Panera provided the bagels post-run, so that was awesome. And depending upon what hotel you stay at, you can walk to the start and finish.

Melanie said...

happy anniversary!

aham23 said...

its deserved. at least that is what i tell myself every time i get up to do the walk. later.

sRod said...

All I have to say: a pumpkin is a fruit, not a vegetable.